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  • Bad relation with parents who are trying to ruin my background check. Am I doomed?

    Hello all,

    I have entered the background portion for an agency. They are planning on doing the normal background investigation which means talking to my friends and family.

    A little bit about me is that I am 29, college degree and I have nothing in my background check that should be alarming ( no arrests, surprisingly no tickets and a good, solid work history. )

    Since I live out of state, I had to travel to my home state and stay at home to do some stuff for my process like meet with my B.I. and take a polygraph.

    My folks haven't been the easiest people to deal with my whole life and have often tried to sabotage things that I have going on. Anything ranging from employment to my own personal relationships and friendships. Lately, their new thing has been getting my riled up and then dropping the " oh we are so going to tell your B.I about all of this when he come to meet us! Just watch! You do not deserve to be a cop! " So they are now holding my future career over my head as some kind of means to control me. Anything I do wrong like literally walking in late the other night when I was catching up with a buddy of mine is just met with the fact that they will tell him.

    My background guy has told me he will be dropping in sometime in the next month or so to meet them which really worries me. They have also told me they do not want him here bothering them and do not want to participate in any of this because it is too much of a hassle. They never really play ball and they try to make life pretty hard on me, even as an adult.

    I ended up reaching out to my B.I. and explained to him to just be aware that they are doing this. He told me that he understands and he may or may not at this point go and meet them but he will still have to send them a questionnaire about me. He also says that because I haven't lived at home in so long, he probably won't take what they say seriously. My girlfriend and I both do not want this to impact my chances of being hired and are hoping for the best but my own father has seriously told me that I threatened to kill him? He wants to let him know this. ( I absolutely did not do any of that whatsoever, my girlfriend and I think he has early onset dementia ) My agency also wants to talk to my ex girlfriend from 5 years ago. That isn't a problem with me. We ended like adults with no drama but my mom seems to think otherwise and is pretty much hell bent on bringing up to the investigator that I am a terrible person and I used to abuse her emotionally ( again, none of that is true the slightest bit ) I have even recently spoken to her and she doesn't recall any of that happening when we dated and said she is proud that I am pursuing a career in Law Enforcement since her Dad was a retired Deputy.

    My folks are older in their 70s and do have some... mental health issues I should say. I haven't lived at home in years but I wanted to drop in and see them and knock this out for the department all at the same time which I am realizing was probably a mistake to begin with.

    My question is - will this look poorly on me when compared to other candidates? I'd hate to have them ruin this for me all for the sake of just being a jerk and not really realizing that this could potentially cost me a future job.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Doctorhoot View Post
    Hello all,

    I have entered the background portion for an agency. They are planning on doing the normal background investigation which means talking to my friends and family.

    A little bit about me is that I am 29, college degree and I have nothing in my background check that should be alarming ( no arrests, surprisingly no tickets and a good, solid work history. )

    Since I live out of state, I had to travel to my home state and stay at home to do some stuff for my process like meet with my B.I. and take a polygraph.

    My folks haven't been the easiest people to deal with my whole life and have often tried to sabotage things that I have going on. Anything ranging from employment to my own personal relationships and friendships. Lately, their new thing has been getting my riled up and then dropping the " oh we are so going to tell your B.I about all of this when he come to meet us! Just watch! You do not deserve to be a cop! " So they are now holding my future career over my head as some kind of means to control me. Anything I do wrong like literally walking in late the other night when I was catching up with a buddy of mine is just met with the fact that they will tell him.

    My background guy has told me he will be dropping in sometime in the next month or so to meet them which really worries me. They have also told me they do not want him here bothering them and do not want to participate in any of this because it is too much of a hassle. They never really play ball and they try to make life pretty hard on me, even as an adult.

    I ended up reaching out to my B.I. and explained to him to just be aware that they are doing this. He told me that he understands and he may or may not at this point go and meet them but he will still have to send them a questionnaire about me. He also says that because I haven't lived at home in so long, he probably won't take what they say seriously. My girlfriend and I both do not want this to impact my chances of being hired and are hoping for the best but my own father has seriously told me that I threatened to kill him? He wants to let him know this. ( I absolutely did not do any of that whatsoever, my girlfriend and I think he has early onset dementia ) My agency also wants to talk to my ex girlfriend from 5 years ago. That isn't a problem with me. We ended like adults with no drama but my mom seems to think otherwise and is pretty much hell bent on bringing up to the investigator that I am a terrible person and I used to abuse her emotionally ( again, none of that is true the slightest bit ) I have even recently spoken to her and she doesn't recall any of that happening when we dated and said she is proud that I am pursuing a career in Law Enforcement since her Dad was a retired Deputy.

    My folks are older in their 70s and do have some... mental health issues I should say. I haven't lived at home in years but I wanted to drop in and see them and knock this out for the department all at the same time which I am realizing was probably a mistake to begin with.

    My question is - will this look poorly on me when compared to other candidates? I'd hate to have them ruin this for me all for the sake of just being a jerk and not really realizing that this could potentially cost me a future job.
    Are you the same guy who stated that his parents are trying to ruin his life with false psych issues?

    https://forum.officer.com/forum/publ...to-threaten-me
    NolaT
    Forum Member
    Last edited by NolaT; 01-07-2022, 12:08 PM.

    Comment


    • Doctorhoot
      Doctorhoot
      Forum Member
      Doctorhoot commented
      Editing a comment
      No, this is my 2nd time posting here. I left a comment on another thread over the summer time.

  • #3
    You do know we believe everything people tell us?
    Sorry but....You're ****ed!

    Comment


    • #4
      Your BI will probably talk to a lot of people about you.

      If he talks to 6 people who say X about you and 2 people who give off the nutcase vibe and say Y about you, his report will reflect X with a mention of Y with an explanation.

      Don't sweat it.

      Comment


      • #5
        Originally posted by Doctorhoot View Post
        Hello all,

        I have entered the background portion for an agency. They are planning on doing the normal background investigation which means talking to my friends and family.

        A little bit about me is that I am 29, college degree and I have nothing in my background check that should be alarming ( no arrests, surprisingly no tickets and a good, solid work history. )

        Since I live out of state, I had to travel to my home state and stay at home to do some stuff for my process like meet with my B.I. and take a polygraph.

        My folks haven't been the easiest people to deal with my whole life and have often tried to sabotage things that I have going on. Anything ranging from employment to my own personal relationships and friendships. Lately, their new thing has been getting my riled up and then dropping the " oh we are so going to tell your B.I about all of this when he come to meet us! Just watch! You do not deserve to be a cop! " So they are now holding my future career over my head as some kind of means to control me. Anything I do wrong like literally walking in late the other night when I was catching up with a buddy of mine is just met with the fact that they will tell him.

        My background guy has told me he will be dropping in sometime in the next month or so to meet them which really worries me. They have also told me they do not want him here bothering them and do not want to participate in any of this because it is too much of a hassle. They never really play ball and they try to make life pretty hard on me, even as an adult.

        I ended up reaching out to my B.I. and explained to him to just be aware that they are doing this. He told me that he understands and he may or may not at this point go and meet them but he will still have to send them a questionnaire about me. He also says that because I haven't lived at home in so long, he probably won't take what they say seriously. My girlfriend and I both do not want this to impact my chances of being hired and are hoping for the best but my own father has seriously told me that I threatened to kill him? He wants to let him know this. ( I absolutely did not do any of that whatsoever, my girlfriend and I think he has early onset dementia ) My agency also wants to talk to my ex girlfriend from 5 years ago. That isn't a problem with me. We ended like adults with no drama but my mom seems to think otherwise and is pretty much hell bent on bringing up to the investigator that I am a terrible person and I used to abuse her emotionally ( again, none of that is true the slightest bit ) I have even recently spoken to her and she doesn't recall any of that happening when we dated and said she is proud that I am pursuing a career in Law Enforcement since her Dad was a retired Deputy.

        My folks are older in their 70s and do have some... mental health issues I should say. I haven't lived at home in years but I wanted to drop in and see them and knock this out for the department all at the same time which I am realizing was probably a mistake to begin with.

        My question is - will this look poorly on me when compared to other candidates? I'd hate to have them ruin this for me all for the sake of just being a jerk and not really realizing that this could potentially cost me a future job.
        Saved. Just because...

        Comment


        • #6
          You're 29 years old and your parents are in their 70s? WTF- did your mom have you when she was 50?

          Comment


          • Doctorhoot
            Doctorhoot
            Forum Member
            Doctorhoot commented
            Editing a comment
            Yeah… they had me later on in life. They were busy city people. Not to uncommon to start a family in the later years. Two careers… busy lives… high cost of living… you get the idea.

          • Aidokea
            Aidokea
            Forum Member
            Aidokea commented
            Editing a comment
            So your mom was in her late 60s when you graduated from high school?

            In our line of work, we have seen 26 year old grandparents.

          • Doctorhoot
            Doctorhoot
            Forum Member
            Doctorhoot commented
            Editing a comment
            Early 60s since it’s been over a decade since I graduated high school. I’m also an only child so… makes it a little more weird for me but whatever, it’s their choice. And a 26 year old grandparent? How is that even possible.

          • Aidokea
            Aidokea
            Forum Member
            Aidokea commented
            Editing a comment
            How? A 13 year old has a child, and then that child has a child at age 13, when the grandparent is 26.

        • #7
          It’s gotta be the same guy.

          Comment


          • Aidokea
            Aidokea
            Forum Member
            Aidokea commented
            Editing a comment
            Your spidey-sense may be correct...

          • Doctorhoot
            Doctorhoot
            Forum Member
            Doctorhoot commented
            Editing a comment
            Sir, I can PROMISE you that I am not the same guy that you all think I am. I read his situation. It is not even remotely close to mine. My folks are just little vindictive people who are still mad about stuff I did as a kid.

            The poster all of you guys are all accusing me of being has issues far far more worse than mine.

          • Aidokea
            Aidokea
            Forum Member
            Aidokea commented
            Editing a comment
            What did you do as a kid?

          • Doctorhoot
            Doctorhoot
            Forum Member
            Doctorhoot commented
            Editing a comment
            Uhhh gosh, digging back that far I’d say probably just all school related. Bad grades. Wasted tutors. Didnt go to the right college, didn’t work the right job. Also more so stuff that I DIDNT do - buy a condo when I had the money. This kind of runs in my family. When my grandmas was on her death bed she still gave my mother flack about stuff from years ago. Long memories. It’s annoying. I have removed myself from the equation by moving out as soon as I could years ago.

        • #8
          I really do not know who you are talking about. If my situation sounds unique to someone else then ok. But this is my 2nd time posting here.

          Comment


          • #9
            If the background doesn't DQ you then the psych or polygraph will that is if you even applied anywhere.

            You're a terrible lier or have mental health issues. Maybe both?

            Comment


            • Doctorhoot
              Doctorhoot
              Forum Member
              Doctorhoot commented
              Editing a comment
              Are you seriously calling me a liar because you just don’t believe me when I tell you that I am not that other poster? I read that story someone linked here and that is so far the other direction that I can’t even fathom how someone like that would be allowed to work in any LE capacity.

            • tanksoldier
              tanksoldier commented
              Editing a comment
              Your story doesn’t add up. Even if you aren’t the other poster, your story doesn’t make sense.

            • Doctorhoot
              Doctorhoot
              Forum Member
              Doctorhoot commented
              Editing a comment
              What about it doesn’t make sense? I will clear it all up. I don’t know how many different ways I can tell you gentleman that I am not that poster. I keep getting accused of it. You truly have the wrong guy here.

          • #10
            I don't think he's getting past the psych...

            Comment


            • #11
              I don't think he even applied and is just trolling. Twenty-six years old and he's talking like his highschool years were a long time ago.

              A lot of members on this forum been policing longer than you been alive!

              Comment


              • Doctorhoot
                Doctorhoot
                Forum Member
                Doctorhoot commented
                Editing a comment
                I am 29 and I am not trolling about applying. This is the reality of my situation

              • CCCSD
                CCCSD
                Shadowman
                CCCSD commented
                Editing a comment
                Then grow up and stop feeding off mommy and daddy.

              • Doctorhoot
                Doctorhoot
                Forum Member
                Doctorhoot commented
                Editing a comment
                I am a home owner and I haven’t lived at home in like over a decade. How am i “ feeding off mommy and daddy? “

                All they are doing is trying to ruin my career but as another poster told me - I shouldn’t worry about it too much because it will be compared toward other people and I have a lot more good references than I have parents.

                I am not sure why you are being rude in your reply to me when I’m just coming here asking for hiring advice. Way to push people away from this forum.

            • #12
              What about it doesn’t make sense? I will clear it all up. I don’t know how many different ways I can tell you gentleman that I am not that poster. I keep getting accused of it. You truly have the wrong guy here.
              Its hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it but the pattern of your explanations is... off from what a typical truthful person’s would be.

              If you were ever told as a child that everyone is unique and special you were lied to. People are generally very similar in all the ways that matter, tend to do things the same way and fit into a few broad categories. If somebody’s story breaks the pattern most people would follow in a situation, or if it fits the pattern of somebody being deceitful in a situation, it sends up a red flag.

              When you spend years listening to explanations from people you get a feel for how most people do things. A truthful person typically isn’t concerned about being believed, so their story is usually short and to the point. It never occurs to them to add detail to make themselves believable.

              An untruthful person knows they are being untruthful, and is worried about not being believed, so they embellish.

              People come here and tell obvious lies about their experiences with cops and the legal system. Things that couldn’t possibly happen. I don’t know why, perhaps they seek some kind of vindication. Your story isn’t that bad... but if I were a BI I’d be digging in to you. If this were a criminal investigation and you gave a story like that I -would- find out what you’re obfuscating. I’m confident there is something, even if it is inconsequential.

              All they are doing is trying to ruin my career but as another poster told me - I shouldn’t worry about it too much because it will be compared toward other people and I have a lot more good references than I have parents.
              Then why are you still here offering explanations and justifications? You aren’t looking for an answer to your question at this point, as you point out yourself you have that, now you’re trying to be right... you’re trying to have your story accepted as truth, which again is often a sign of deceit.

              I am not sure why you are being rude in your reply to me when I’m just coming here asking for hiring advice. Way to push people away from this forum.
              Now you’re trying to put yourself in a position of moral superiority over your detractors. You’re looking for exoneration and vindication.
              Last edited by tanksoldier; 01-08-2022, 02:46 PM.
              "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." -- GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

              "With a brother on my left and a sister on my right, we face…. We face what no one should face. We face, so no one else would face. We are in the face of Death." -- Holli Peet

              Comment


              • tanksoldier
                tanksoldier commented
                Editing a comment
                …and there is the moral superiority thing again, and you lied to attempt it. I mean, what I wrote is right there. Now we have your falsehoods increasing in size as you attempt to salvage your story.

                Further, whether I believe all civilians are liars is irrelevant to the issue at hand: whether or not you specifically are a liar. This is know in formal logic as a “tu quoque fallacy” or “appeal to hypocrisy” and is an attempt to distract from the actual matter in question. We aren’t discussing me, we are discussing you.

                That said, Inever called all “civilians” liars…. I never referred to civilians at all. I said that some PEOPLE tell the truth, and some lie, and you can get a good idea of which is which based on how they tell their story.

                If all people lied, there wouldn’t be any need to distinguish between truthful and untruthful people.

                You’re reading what you want to read to make yourself feel better about whatever it is you’re hiding. Has anyone ever mentioned you might have a persecution complex?
                Last edited by tanksoldier; 01-08-2022, 09:08 PM.

              • Doctorhoot
                Doctorhoot
                Forum Member
                Doctorhoot commented
                Editing a comment
                Lmao. What are you even talking about?

                You think I have a persecution complex because I corrected you when I was accused of lying about my situation. That is not the same thing. It sounds like you are just making up your own conclusions of what happened.

                Just face it. We’re all liars to you. That is how you view me and that is probably how you view the next man in life. Perhaps law enforcement conditions you to just immediately call bull**** on everything.

                Maybe learn some social skills and try not to treat us visitors to the website like that…

              • tanksoldier
                tanksoldier commented
                Editing a comment
                Well, thanks for proving my point.

                You offered no correction, you offered an accusation…. Now I’m the bad guy.

                Even if I do think everyone is a liar, that has no bearing on whether you’re lying.

                …and I’m being mean to visitors now, too. Classic distraction tactic.

                Some advice: when you’re in a hole stop digging.

              • Aidokea
                Aidokea
                Forum Member
                Aidokea commented
                Editing a comment
                Tanksoldier is bestowing an awful lot of wisdom upon you,and he's doing it for free. Everything he said is spot on.

            • #13
              NEVER try to BS The Badge.

              Comment


              • #14
                I'm not going to get into what the others have discussed, but here's what stands out for me -

                Originally posted by Doctorhoot View Post

                My folks haven't been the easiest people to deal with my whole life and have often tried to sabotage things that I have going on. Anything ranging from employment to my own personal relationships and friendships. Lately, their new thing has been getting my riled up and then dropping the " oh we are so going to tell your B.I about all of this when he come to meet us! Just watch! You do not deserve to be a cop! " So they are now holding my future career over my head as some kind of means to control me. Anything I do wrong like literally walking in late the other night when I was catching up with a buddy of mine is just met with the fact that they will tell him.
                OK. Crap like this happens from time to time and if it's BS, the BI will attempt to verify their claims and see right through any falsehoods.


                Originally posted by Doctorhoot View Post
                Since I live out of state, I had to travel to my home state and stay at home to do some stuff for my process like meet with my B.I. and take a polygraph.
                Now wait a minute. Why do you have to stay at home with your parents who are openly antagonistic about you? In doing so you will alert them to your career intentions, deliberately risk stirring them up. In turn, this will give them more time to make up crap about you, potentially threatening your goals.

                Don't try and tell me it's a financial issue. Consider which is the better fiscal choice - staying with your parents and creating a greater threat to securing a career that may pay you over $3 million in salary and benefits over the next 30 years, or scrounging up enough cash for a motel, quietly slipping into and out of town and having a better chance at that same $3 million dollar career?

                Right now your choices suggest you lack the basic trait of common sense, which is one of the minimum requirements for a position in law enforcement.

                I'm with the others. You're on thin ice.
                Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere

                Comment


                • Doctorhoot
                  Doctorhoot
                  Forum Member
                  Doctorhoot commented
                  Editing a comment
                  So I did not know they were going to do this. I SHOULD have known but I didn’t. They seemed happy at first to know I am pursuing a career in Law enforcement but as soon as they found out they had a chance to gain power over me, they took it.

                  So no. Booking a hotel room was not even in my head. They were nice up until that part. As soon as I saw they were doing that, I made a call explaining it to my BI. Then got the heck out of there. And either way, there is no way I could hide something like this from them. Even if I did slip in and out. They would still find some way to try to wreck this for me.

                • CCCSD
                  CCCSD
                  Shadowman
                  CCCSD commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Circling, circling…

                • tanksoldier
                  tanksoldier commented
                  Editing a comment
                  So you didn’t realize your antagonistic and sabotage-prone parents would be antagonistic and attempt sabotage. OK.

                  The parents who were antagonistic and interfered with your employment and personal relationships your whole life were nice…. until they learned they could “gain power over you”.

                  I’m seriously wondering about persecution complexes and paranoia now.

                • Doctorhoot
                  Doctorhoot
                  Forum Member
                  Doctorhoot commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Tank… not everyone is as smart as you are and can predict the future. You want a story? Here

                  I haven’t seen them in about two years since I bought my first home. We live states apart and will do an occasional phone call or email. They are like what you said, but they haven’t really given me any problems in a long time. This is mostly stuff growing up and in my early 20s. I would of thought by NOW in life things would of changed but the gf and I are not the least bit surprised. At this point I’m just hoping for the best and that what they say gets over shadowed by the positive quotes from my other friends, family, coaches and employers.

              • #15
                Good points, I'd have preferred to stay at a Motel 6, and totally kept my parents out of the loop as much as possible, and as long as possible.

                Why couldn't you stay at a cheap motel or friend?

                Comment


                • Doctorhoot
                  Doctorhoot
                  Forum Member
                  Doctorhoot commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I easily could of. I just didn’t think they would stoop this low. Things were fine when I first got there. And I hadn’t seen them in about two years so I did want to visit my folks.

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