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Will you give me advice on my Autobiography?

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  • Will you give me advice on my Autobiography?

    I am required to write an autobiography. I would appreciate anyone who can give me their opinion on if im going in the right direction. It is a rough draft but the ideas are there. It can only be one page so I couldn't fit everything in there, i chose some important stuff. Thanks!

    Please remember that I am 20y/o

    Growing up I was very close to my family. From preschool until the 4th grade I attended a private christian school which is adjacent to my house. Thinking back on those 6 years, it was probaly the best decision my parents ever made. I remember at that age I was a very good kid, I was always very respectful to everyone. My friends parents would always complement me on how good my manners were. I was always helpful towards others and never thought of doing any wrong doing. When I was five I had chicken pox which also gave me encephalitis. I was hospitalized and when I recovered it was like starting over. I had trouble talking but after seeing a therapist I fully recovered. Thankfully I became sick at an early age and was able to recover almost one hundred percent. To this day I still take seizure medication witch has prevented me from having a seizure since being in the hospital. Doctors say that I am healing slowly and may be lucky enough to discontinue the medication in the future. I am very thankful to be alive today.

    Eventually, later on as times were hard for my parents they could no longer afford to send me to a private school, in which I was forced to attend a public school.
    I am confident that I am the person I am today because of the way my parents raised me early on and the type of people I grew up around. Probaly one of the biggest challenges in my life was staying away from drugs. Although I would consider myself being around that
    type of activity limited taking into consideration how much people my age are into or have done drugs, there was still many occurences when I was peer pressured. I cannot begin to count how many times I would say no and feel left out from my friends. As time passed on I
    will admit I did become curious as to why marijuana was so popular amongst my peers. While I was at a party in highschool with my friend Sean I decided to see what it was about. I figured one time would not hurt and as long as it was kept at that. Other than a tremendous amount of coughing and some laughter soon after it seemed overrated to me. People doing drugs have no concept of the future, it is dead end road that comes soon for many people. Other then drugs being illegal, I was thinking of what my family would think about me or anyone else for that matter. From early on I knew that I wanted to do something with my life, I did not and do not need drugs to keep me entertained.

    Aside from overcoming a hefty amount of peer pressure I found my hobbies to be in computers and cars. I loved assembling and disassemblying them, learning how they worked. To this day I have picked up a lot knowledge and I am very proficient with anything computer related. When i was 15 I was really motived to start driving, always bothering my parents to get me started on the process. Good motivation paid off and I had my license on my 16th birthday. After meeting a new friend I became interested in cars and learned a lot about them. I had the same car as my friend and he helped me trick it out. Being young I did do some stupid things, having a fast car I would occasionaly go fast on the freeway but also kept the drag racing to the dragstrip and signed up for racelegal. My buddy liked to go race down by the 905 freeway and pressured me to come a long but I said no, thinking how totaly insane it was and not worth getting your car taken away ,being hit by someone else or worse killing someone.

    One person that I looked up to the most was my cousin Evan. My mom would have him watch me while she was at work a lot. He was always doing the right things and really made me confident that just because something isnt popular doesn't mean you should be afraid to stand up for it. No matter what people were doing around him he never thought twice about peer pressure.

    After working a few jobs and helping a Julian fire victim rebuild his house, my cousin offered me a job at his work. I loved working there and still do today. I quickly was promoted to Team Leader and enjoyed helping people. Early on I made note on how people answered my questions and this was my chance to answer questions in a more polite and informative way. The lack of qualifications needed to work for this company attracted all sorts of people. Working with all types of people on a daily basis I gained insight on how outragious and unprofesional some people would act and adjusted accordingly. Everyone has differant opinions and thoughts and I learned that you must respect that to get anywhere. Previously one of my greatest weaknesses was being shy, being forced to speak infront of many people I overcame it quickly. I learned being prepared gives you a great advantage whatever it may be.

    From as long as i can remember I was always interested in Police in general but was always steered away from giving it more thought for a variety of reasons that lacked proper knowledge. When I really sat down and thought about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, to make a career out of, I decided to research police officer thourohly. After attending my first ride along I was hooked. I want to be a police officer because I want a career in which I can put everything i have, into it; to work as a team with other individuals who are professional and as motivated as I am about not only keeping the community safe, but also in bringing those to justice who are responsible for taking advantage of those that simply want to do what is right. I believe that I would be an excellent police officer because I posess
    integrity, motivation and mature judgement. I prefer to use violence only when necessary. I love helping people and working as a team. I think approaching something with a good attitude is always a good idea.
    Last edited by nick20; 05-08-2007, 11:12 PM. Reason: paragraph broken up to much

  • #2
    I think you are getting into to much detail. I would highlight the very basic things. Where you were born, siblings, parents ect... Then move into highschool. List what sports you played or any other accomplishments. Move into college, military,work or whatever you did after HS. What you are currently doing.
    Keep it in a nice chronological order and make it easy to read. Don't skip around, stay on topic and then move to another paragraph. I pretty sure that the reason they want you to write this is because they want to see how well you write and your writing style. I don't think they are concerned to much about the content. They will find out everything they need to know about you soon enough.

    P.S. Make darn sure that all the puncuation and grammer are 100% correct. You don't want to make a mistake on what is essentially a take home test!!!!!

    Comment


    • #3
      Autobiography

      Two things more or less, lept out at me. The first is the fact that you're on seizure medication. It's not that, that is illegal, but it could be a medical DQ. The second thing that I noted was a tendency on your part to rationalize some past questionable behavior. Okay, let me put this into perspective. I'm looking at your bio from the perspective of a Background Investigator. Basically, it isn't all that bad. I'd make it a little shorter. Acknowledge the fact you used Marijuana(indicate the number of times). List any citations,warnings you may have recieved, but be brief. The tendency to explain a situation is very natural, but again, be brief. Bottom line: Go ahead and apply. I don't really think your "past" is going to be a DQ, but the need to take seizure meds, might be.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thanks for the feedback, that was what I was looking for.

        As far as the meds go, i was prescribed them for a just in case scenario. After 15 years of taking them there has been 0 problems at all. There has never been anything that could question having a seizure or not. That goes for any activities etc.

        Comment

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