convict ruining my parents life.

[stevetweis Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close stevetweis]

My mom had a problem with drugs and has been clean for about a year. Ironically enough, her 'partner in crime' has been in prison for a little under a year. My mom has been trying to get over her addiction for years and it has been a real struggle for her. This individual who is in jail has had a history of showing up at my parents' house, calling her cell phone and house line until she finally gives in. Since this person has been in jail, her life has been great. She hasn't used at all.
Because I am a criminal justice major, my mom asked me what she could do to make sure this person stays out of her life forever. The individual gets out of jail on August 15, 2008 and my mom is getting worried he will start calling her and showing up on her doorstep.
I believe he is in jail for back child support and a parole violation and possibly agg assault. I know that felons lose some of their civil rights but I'm not sure if any of these rights apply to her situation.
Can she just go in front of a judge and get some type of restraining order? Any help or ideas are greatly appreciated.

[Guest Close ofc129a]

She can attempt to get a restraining order, but that doesn't keep him off her doorstep. Even without it, anyone has the right to tell another not to call, come by, etc. If the person continues, then she makes a report for harassing communications, trespassing, etc. and follows up by signing a warrant.

[DeputySC Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close DeputySC]

she could start by asking him to not contact her again. If it is that bad, she could have her numbers changed or set up some type of call block so he cant call on the telephone. If he starts showing up at the house make it VERY clear he isnt welcome. That usually works.

Usually what I see in cases like these are one day your mom for example will want nothing to do with this guy. She will even go to the point of calling the police because he wont leave her alone. Then the next day she will change her mind and be calling him to come back over so they can make up.

[stevetweis Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close stevetweis]

she could start by asking him to not contact her

Usually what I see in cases like these are one day your mom for example will want nothing to do with this guy. She will even go to the point of calling the police because he wont leave her alone. Then the next day she will change her mind and be calling him to come back over so they can make up.

you are dead on with that. Right now her head is on straight and she realizes this. If he is persistent enough she will switch over and have him over.. This behavior is really like a light switch.

[PhilipCal Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close PhilipCal]

you are dead on with that. Right now her head is on straight and she realizes this. If he is persistent enough she will switch over and have him over.. This behavior is really like a light switch.

Steve, unfortunately, you seem to have answered your own question. There's a limit to what you can reasonably do in a situation like this. I realize that's very difficult, as this is your Mother,and thus a loved one. Do all you can reasonably do to help her. Keep in mind though, that you can help people only to the extent they want to be helped. Hope this works out for you and your Mom.

[Charlie705 Donut eatin sumbiotch Find all posts View Profile Close Charlie705]

I empathize with your situation steve. However, I have just learned a lesson of my own with my family....

You can't help people that don't want to be helped.


F

[JSD73 Go on, touch it... Find all posts View Profile Close JSD73]

She needs to move, get an unlisted and unpublished phone number.

[brad601 Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close brad601]

In the state of TX there is a restraining order which is only civililly enforced. We also have whats called a protection order. I don't know if you have somthing like that where your at. But to violate the protetive order its an automatic Do not pass go. Unfourtunatly if this person has not threatened bodily injury or inflicted in the past bodily injury the courts are not going to be so quick to grant one. You can apply and talk to the magistrate if she legit is in fear for her safty and well being you may be able to get one. Other than that a firm stay away is the best thing she can do. Sorry I cannot be of more help.

[Only 4 to go Forum Member Find all posts View Profile Close Only 4 to go]

If you don't mind me asking, where in NJ are you located? I'm a police officer in NJ. All too often women use the law for their convenience not for their necessity. Whatever town she lives in in NJ I'm sure would be more than happy to stick it to this ex-con should he violate a court order to stay away and or call her. However, I've seen too many times when we make an arrest the defendant shows proof (like on his cellphone) that she called him, he didn't even call her. What most people don't realize when they get a restaining order is that if they call the defendant or go to his home or his place of employment then they are in volation of their own restraining order they have on him. The bottom line here is that if your mother trully wants help, then she needs to cut all communication with him. If he calls, don't answer the phone no matter what he leaves on her answering machine, if he stops by the house, don't tell him to go away, don't say anything, just call the police. He will then see she means business and wants nothing to do with him.

[t150vsuptpr Hell on Wheels Find all posts View Profile Close t150vsuptpr]

What's said above in the other posts is her best bet in attempting to minimize chances, but I'ld almost be willing to bet good money that she'll take him back in due time.

mom asked me what she could do to make sure this person stays out of her life forever

Ain't but one thing ..... and it ain't legal.