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  • barkalot
    replied
    When someone is telling me all their problems, I respond, "Well if I could solve your problems, I certainly wouldn't be working for *insert city name here* police department."

    Yesterday I was interviewing some witnesses, one of whom was a parolee named Mike. I was inside their trailer when my dispatcher called on my cell phone to check my status. I told the witnesses that the call was from my dispatcher just making sure Mike hadn't hit me over the head with a beer bottle. It got a good laugh from everyone including Mike.

    Leave a comment:


  • Sleuth
    replied
    Without going into the improved Miranda Warning (You have the right to remain silent just as long as you can stand the pain,...)

    I used to keep the theme for the old Baretta TV show on a tape in my car. When the BG invoked Miranda, I would play it loud all the way to the lockup:
    'Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time,....."

    Leave a comment:


  • Blackdog F4i
    replied
    If you want to have some real fun, start using the local lingo. I have to talk crackhead at least once a shift. I want to learn to talk cranker as my third language but we don't have to many of those in my sector. They are too scared to come down here.

    We had a theft report one night (it really was just someone traded their stuff for crack), and the woman told my partner they took her "flashgreen" TV. She said it three or four times during the interview. When we got back in the car and my partner started to type up the report he asked me if I had ever heard of that brand before (brands are listed in our computer). I just laughed. I told he she meant "flat screen" TV. We laughed about that for two days. Every time someone said "flat screen" we would say "flashgreen".

    Leave a comment:


  • eric_farang_bah
    replied
    When i meet a new store clerk on duty, i always buy a package of doughnut gems. Its funny to watch thier reactions, and they make great antennae toppers.
    It amazes me how far humor will get you on this job. If people think you are a piece of anatomy they are far less likely to approach you with information. One family in the town i used to work at called me the "copycat cop". I got that name from thier 5year old girl

    Leave a comment:


  • sdb29
    replied
    Originally posted by BigRob View Post
    I agree if you can't have fun doing this job then you need a desk job somewhere. i always try to find the lighter side of work. i have found that you usually get more cooperation from somebody if you have them laughing

    Yup- If you don't laugh your A- Oh. Wait a minute I got spanked once for trying to fool the automated censor. If you don't laugh your behind off at least once a shift you're taking things waay to seriously.

    Leave a comment:


  • Gene L
    replied
    I wiggle my ears and cross my eyes.

    Leave a comment:


  • JSD73
    replied
    I usually interject the "Down With Whitey" comment somewhere in the midst of things.

    If I roll up on a tense situation, I like to immediately unzip my pants, and say, "There, what do ya think of THAT!!" It's a great icebreaker, and I've gotten a few dates that way..........and a few laughs.....and a few, awww, that's so cute comments.

    Leave a comment:


  • BigRob
    replied
    I agree if you can't have fun doing this job then you need a desk job somewhere. i always try to find the lighter side of work. i have found that you usually get more cooperation from somebody if you have them laughing

    Leave a comment:


  • Blackdog F4i
    replied
    Dear lord I don't even know where to start.

    My partner and I agree that if you can't have fun with this job, then you have no business on the street. There is no end to the fun you can have with drunk or high subjects. Their brain process just dosent track with normal people. I wish I had recordings of some of the conversations.

    Leave a comment:


  • Nightshift va
    replied
    As for asking specifically to search for "specific items" its always best to keep that one to "weapons and drugs". Judges dont have our sense of humor unfortunately. I had a recruit get out on a vagarant one time on a drug corner and my buddy was there backing us as well and this recruit was all about not touching people and prefered traffic to drug interdiction so i made sure while he was with me atleast he would gain experience in pat down frisk as often as allowed, anyway this vagarant had a broken zipper and his "manhood" all probably eleven inchs of it was just laying out like a sleeping snake and I noticed it right away and so did my buddy but i told him to wait and see it the rookie noticed it, I ordered the recruit to pat the vagarant down after he got into his consent speech and i kept a straight face while my buddy was behind the vagarant biting a hole in his lp trying not to laugh the rookie was patting down the vagarant and he never saw the exposed body part and it even grazed his clean cut flat top hair cut as he got to the vagarants ankles for pat down. I asked the rookie if there was anything he missed when he was done and said he was clean and he said no, I then told the vagarant "Thank you Sir very much for your cooperation, You are drunk in public but since you have been so helpful I will let you go on your way home and by the way your penis is hanging out please put it away as well." The rookie just turned red and we had a huge laugh, the vagarant was even laughing. That broke the ice.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stewie
    replied
    Originally posted by JonMcD1980 View Post
    You mean IED? I would think an individual carrying around an AED was only concerned with saving the life of someone who's heart had stopped beating...CLEAR!!!!
    LOL yes I meant IED, sorry it's been a long last night.

    Leave a comment:


  • StudChris
    replied
    On a side note, we had a guy who asked to search for weapons of mass destruction, found dope, and it got thrown out because he never asked to search for dope, or anything illegal. He stopped doing that.

    Leave a comment:


  • StudChris
    replied
    If you can throw in the occasional "I hate cops too" in the right moment, it will throw their mind off track and they'll forget about whatever they were complaining about.

    Leave a comment:


  • RedRaider911
    replied
    i always ask them if they have any weapons of mass destruction. I think that it is funny, but their reaction can tell you alot.

    Example.
    Me: Do you have any thing in your pockets that is going to hurt me, stick me, or cut me? Do you have any rocket launchers or W.M.D.s in your pockets.
    Them: Yes
    Me: 10-8

    j/k

    Leave a comment:


  • JonMcD1980
    replied
    Originally posted by Stewie View Post
    I always laugh when my Training Officer pat searches and ask if they have any machine guns, shotguns, AED, sniper rifles, bazookas, pistols, grenades, knives, razor blades, or anything that will ***** him in their pockets.
    You mean IED? I would think an individual carrying around an AED was only concerned with saving the life of someone who's heart had stopped beating...CLEAR!!!!

    Leave a comment:

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