To all LEO Comedians

[eric_farang_bah]

When i meet a new store clerk on duty, i always buy a package of doughnut gems. Its funny to watch thier reactions, and they make great antennae toppers.
It amazes me how far humor will get you on this job. If people think you are a piece of anatomy they are far less likely to approach you with information. One family in the town i used to work at called me the "copycat cop". I got that name from thier 5year old girl

[Blackdog F4i]

If you want to have some real fun, start using the local lingo. I have to talk crackhead at least once a shift. I want to learn to talk cranker as my third language but we don't have to many of those in my sector. They are too scared to come down here.

We had a theft report one night (it really was just someone traded their stuff for crack), and the woman told my partner they took her "flashgreen" TV. She said it three or four times during the interview. When we got back in the car and my partner started to type up the report he asked me if I had ever heard of that brand before (brands are listed in our computer). I just laughed. I told he she meant "flat screen" TV. We laughed about that for two days. Every time someone said "flat screen" we would say "flashgreen".

[Sleuth]

Without going into the improved Miranda Warning (You have the right to remain silent just as long as you can stand the pain,...)

I used to keep the theme for the old Baretta TV show on a tape in my car. When the BG invoked Miranda, I would play it loud all the way to the lockup:
'Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time,....."

[barkalot]

When someone is telling me all their problems, I respond, "Well if I could solve your problems, I certainly wouldn't be working for *insert city name here* police department."

Yesterday I was interviewing some witnesses, one of whom was a parolee named Mike. I was inside their trailer when my dispatcher called on my cell phone to check my status. I told the witnesses that the call was from my dispatcher just making sure Mike hadn't hit me over the head with a beer bottle. It got a good laugh from everyone including Mike.