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  • To all LEO Comedians

    Not that an officer has to "break the ice" with any person they come in contact with, but how do you do it? I know after you have some experience on the road you try to put your own "unique spin" on things. I know a few officers when asking consent to search a person- they ask if they can check to make sure they are not hiding any weapons of mass destruction in their pockets or when asking to search a vehicle so they can make sure Osama Bin Laden isnt in their trunk............ Come on there has to be someone with a sense of humor out there......Anyone have any UNIQUE "ice breakers" along those lines? haha, or is this just stupid ?

  • #2
    haha... "tasteful" sarcasm is so hard to come by these days!...

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    • #3
      Most of the ice breakers I do are with other officers for their benefit of laughing when the job gets old. I have had fun though with this job especially when I worked in a city where crime was everywhere you looked. I once remember asking one of my recruits if they knew how to do a firemans carry for the benefit of other fellow officers in case one goes down and he didnt so i showed him by taking the closest drunk on the corner who i knew on a first name basis and picking him up and throwing him onto my shoulder and running up and down the sidewalk telling the rookie this is how you do a firemans carry" and the drunk was just happy i didnt take him to jail which i very well could have for drunk in public. I ofcourse thanked the drunk citizen for participating even though he screamed the whole time. If any of this gets out "for the record" the intoxicated subject gave me consent to demonstrate a firemans carry. Ofcourse he probably had a crack stem on him too and was also greatful i didnt search and find that as well. It was funny though.
      "Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. The MARINES don't have that problem." ....Ronald Reagan

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      • #4
        I always laugh when my Training Officer pat searches and ask if they have any machine guns, shotguns, AED, sniper rifles, bazookas, pistols, grenades, knives, razor blades, or anything that will ***** him in their pockets.
        Last edited by Stewie; 08-19-2007, 10:45 PM.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Stewie View Post
          I always laugh when my Training Officer pat searches and ask if they have any machine guns, shotguns, AED, sniper rifles, bazookas, pistols, grenades, knives, razor blades, or anything that will ***** him in their pockets.
          You mean IED? I would think an individual carrying around an AED was only concerned with saving the life of someone who's heart had stopped beating...CLEAR!!!!

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          • #6
            i always ask them if they have any weapons of mass destruction. I think that it is funny, but their reaction can tell you alot.

            Example.
            Me: Do you have any thing in your pockets that is going to hurt me, stick me, or cut me? Do you have any rocket launchers or W.M.D.s in your pockets.
            Them: Yes
            Me: 10-8

            j/k
            The Republicans need to shrug off this Christian Coalition noose it has placed around its own neck and recognize the fact that, though they may not realize it, the majority of Americans are actually quite libertarian in their philosophy. They also need to learn to fight once in a while. What a bunch of wimps.
            -Neal Boortz

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            • #7
              If you can throw in the occasional "I hate cops too" in the right moment, it will throw their mind off track and they'll forget about whatever they were complaining about.

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              • #8
                On a side note, we had a guy who asked to search for weapons of mass destruction, found dope, and it got thrown out because he never asked to search for dope, or anything illegal. He stopped doing that.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by JonMcD1980 View Post
                  You mean IED? I would think an individual carrying around an AED was only concerned with saving the life of someone who's heart had stopped beating...CLEAR!!!!
                  LOL yes I meant IED, sorry it's been a long last night.

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                  • #10
                    As for asking specifically to search for "specific items" its always best to keep that one to "weapons and drugs". Judges dont have our sense of humor unfortunately. I had a recruit get out on a vagarant one time on a drug corner and my buddy was there backing us as well and this recruit was all about not touching people and prefered traffic to drug interdiction so i made sure while he was with me atleast he would gain experience in pat down frisk as often as allowed, anyway this vagarant had a broken zipper and his "manhood" all probably eleven inchs of it was just laying out like a sleeping snake and I noticed it right away and so did my buddy but i told him to wait and see it the rookie noticed it, I ordered the recruit to pat the vagarant down after he got into his consent speech and i kept a straight face while my buddy was behind the vagarant biting a hole in his lp trying not to laugh the rookie was patting down the vagarant and he never saw the exposed body part and it even grazed his clean cut flat top hair cut as he got to the vagarants ankles for pat down. I asked the rookie if there was anything he missed when he was done and said he was clean and he said no, I then told the vagarant "Thank you Sir very much for your cooperation, You are drunk in public but since you have been so helpful I will let you go on your way home and by the way your penis is hanging out please put it away as well." The rookie just turned red and we had a huge laugh, the vagarant was even laughing. That broke the ice.
                    "Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. The MARINES don't have that problem." ....Ronald Reagan

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                    • #11
                      Dear lord I don't even know where to start.

                      My partner and I agree that if you can't have fun with this job, then you have no business on the street. There is no end to the fun you can have with drunk or high subjects. Their brain process just dosent track with normal people. I wish I had recordings of some of the conversations.
                      "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell
                      8541tactical.com - Ammo Wallets

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                      • #12
                        I agree if you can't have fun doing this job then you need a desk job somewhere. i always try to find the lighter side of work. i have found that you usually get more cooperation from somebody if you have them laughing

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                        • #13
                          I usually interject the "Down With Whitey" comment somewhere in the midst of things.

                          If I roll up on a tense situation, I like to immediately unzip my pants, and say, "There, what do ya think of THAT!!" It's a great icebreaker, and I've gotten a few dates that way..........and a few laughs.....and a few, awww, that's so cute comments.
                          Moooooooooooo, I'm a goat

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                          • #14
                            I wiggle my ears and cross my eyes.
                            "Say hal-lo to my leetle frahnd!"

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by BigRob View Post
                              I agree if you can't have fun doing this job then you need a desk job somewhere. i always try to find the lighter side of work. i have found that you usually get more cooperation from somebody if you have them laughing

                              Yup- If you don't laugh your A- Oh. Wait a minute I got spanked once for trying to fool the automated censor. If you don't laugh your behind off at least once a shift you're taking things waay to seriously.
                              "The only means we possess to thank them is to try to be as good an American as they were. We might fall well short of their standard, but there is honor in the effort."

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