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  • Law Enforcement and Family

    I'm just in a really tight pickle right now. So recently I was trying out for a Customs and Border Protection Officer position but got suspended during the process because of uncorrected vision. Well tonight (11/13/19) I was talking to my mom about it and she got real mad at wanting to an "armed" job. Not that she has anything against guns but that because I am armed it will be really dangerous. I myself already know the dangers and will gladly take whatever risk needs to be taken, and she already knew about me signing up for this and never said anything about it during my early stages, and only know brings it up now. Law enforcement has always been a dream of mine, preferably wanting to work exploitation/trafficking stuff, but anything I'll gladly take anything. Well sorry for my little rant.

    So question is have any of you experienced the same thing when you were growing up like me (a 21 year senior in college) where you had strict, overprotective parents that would cut you off if you did anything like what I am trying to do? I know that as a 21 year old male that it's sort of pathetic that I have no backbone/tough skin, but with my mother it is basically a her house, her rules scenario and basically a "Yes mom" sort of case. I know I can probably find some sort of compromise, but any advice on how to deal with this without tipping our relationship?

    Thank you!

  • #2
    If you want to be a LEO you're going to have to start making decisions for yourself and others. Might as well start now.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by westside popo; 11-14-2019, 11:47 AM.

    Comment


    • itwasjustifi3d
      itwasjustifi3d commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks! Well I think once I have enough saved up, which is soon, I'll jump on that. But like I said coming from a strict (Asian) household I'm trying to keep the balance. Mother went through a nasty divorce and I'm like the only person who's there for her and I don't want to mess that up.

    • westside popo
      westside popo commented
      Editing a comment
      I can understand that. My nephews wanted to get into LE and I tried to steer them away from it. It's not what it use to be and many times I've looked for other jobs unrelated to LE. Just watch the news. When a bad guy kills innocent people the media reports he "allegedly" killed someone. If a cop shoots someone in self defense or to stop them from killing an innocent person, the media reports the cop "shot and killed" a person.

      It could be some time between applying and getting a LE job. So if this is what you want, apply to different places and see what happens. If your mom asks .....

    • itwasjustifi3d
      itwasjustifi3d commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks again westside. Yeah I know that LE isn't what it used to be, and it does really suck. For her it's not the worry about my face ending up on TMZ or something, but the worry about some bad guy shooting me or the family dead. She did work in the LA courthouse long ago and had many deputy friends so the worry might come from there. Despite only one deputy friend having a minor injury. And one dying due to health reasons.

  • #3
    Actually, serving as a law enforcement officer in the US is not considered a high risk occupation. Taxi drivers, convenience store clerks, many construction trades, and heavy equipment operators all have higher risk of on-the-job injuries or death. Dentists have a far higher rate of suicides (I guess some folks need more love than others). Doctors (physicians, surgeons, psychiatrists, etc) have far higher rates of drug use and addiction.

    Cops are pretty much in the middle of the charts in comparison to all other professions and occupations.

    Do a quick web search for insurance actuarial tables by occupation, print out the results, and you will have every bit of evidence you need to deal effectively with Mom's objections.

    Comment


    • itwasjustifi3d
      itwasjustifi3d commented
      Editing a comment
      I've been trying to tell her that. She had originally suggested doing the Amazon warehouse job after reading about them opening more positions. I'd probably have a higher risk of injury than working in a LEO position. but because she sees that I have to carry, that it will be super dangerous and for the family.
      But Thank you for answering!

  • #4
    Originally posted by itwasjustifi3d View Post
    I know that as a 21 year old male that it's sort of pathetic that I have no backbone/tough skin, but with my mother it is basically a her house, her rules scenario and basically a "Yes mom" sort of case. I know I can probably find some sort of compromise, but any advice on how to deal with this without tipping our relationship?

    Thank you!
    How can this possibly be a "yes mom" case?

    If one of her "rules" is she has to approve what YOU want to do as a career, then you should be using every second of free time to find a way OUT of there.

    Having house rules is fine. Expecting you to find a job SHE approves..is flat out scary.

    If you are unable to stand up and say this is what YOU want with YOUR life, then you may have an issue being hired into the LEO community.
    Last edited by themoj0; 11-14-2019, 11:28 AM.

    Comment


    • itwasjustifi3d
      itwasjustifi3d commented
      Editing a comment
      Career wise she is fine with me doing anything, but is really against me doing any LEO position.

      Standing up to her I would have no problem. But considering she just got over a nasty divorce, I'm in that pickle of sending her into a frenzy with another man in the family disappointing her. And I know that in any LEO I will have to make decisions that are even more difficult than this.
      Last edited by itwasjustifi3d; 11-14-2019, 12:59 PM.

    • themoj0
      themoj0 commented
      Editing a comment
      That IS a pickle isint it. Based on my own family experience, i personally feel its all bad when parents try to live vicariously through their kids. I tried not to with any of my grown kids. Sure i lobbied FOR the military...and 2 out 3 went with it. If they hadnt, then i would have supported them the best i could in whatever they choose.
      If she is against you doing ANY LEO work, then she is not fine with you doing anything.
      You wanted opinions and suggestions, so thats all i can give.
      Personally, it would be a non issue with me. Mom, its my career and my future. I hope you can find a way to support me as i start the process.
      Seems to me, if you being LEO is going to send her into a "frenzy", and make you out to be a big "disappointment", there is more there than a divorce.

    • itwasjustifi3d
      itwasjustifi3d commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank themoj0 I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. And I do know that there is more there than the divorce. Honestly I think it's that really strong Asian parenting (even we are pretty Americanized). Even small things the Asian side would come out. Well I am just looking my options right now, but thanks again for taking the time to comment here! Have a good day.

  • #5
    Back when I was a cop, the highest risk job in my state was being a window washer.
    Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere

    Comment


    • L-1
      L-1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Actually, I was serious. The State of California did a study back then (I don't remember if it was CalOSHA or the State Compensation Insurance Fund) but they determined that the highest risk for injury and death was window washers because of problems with the mechanical platforms that lowered them up and down hi-rise buildings, or because they failed to properly secure themselves to the rigs.

      As of last year, cops have been placed lower in the list and are now just the 11th most dangerous job in the state, with 11.8 workers killed per 100,000. The most dangerous job award now goes to Loggers, with 165.7 deaths per 100,000 workers.

      You can read about it here and share it with your mother, while pointing out all the other mundane jobs that are more dangerous than being a cop.

      https://www.sacbee.com/news/business...208187934.html

    • itwasjustifi3d
      itwasjustifi3d commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks L-1 I know that you were serious, but I'm just laughing at this fact because I tried to use this with my mother. She had originally suggested that I do an Amazon warehouse gig once I graduated, but I told her I'd have a higher risk of injury there than as a LEO. And thanks for the study I'll for sure use this to see if I can talk some sense into her.

    • L-1
      L-1 commented
      Editing a comment
      If you really want to have a little fun with your mother, contact California Highway Patrol Headquarters in Sacramento, and ask for a copy of their study called, "An Evaluation of Risk - Initial Cause vs. Final Outcome Of Police Pursuits." It was published by them in 1995 to look at the risk of death created by police pursuits (4 million to one) and compare them to the risks of death and injury we voluntarily subject ourselves to every day when we walk out the door of our homes. When she discovers that every time she walks out the door she has a 1 in 87 chance of being a victim of a violent crime, 1 in 101 chance of being injured in a traffic accident, 1 in 164 chance of being an aggravated assault victim, 1 in 251 chance of being a robbery victim, 1 in 739 chance of being injured in a DUI crash, 1 in 2,701 chance of being a rape victim, 1 in 7,625 chance of being killed in a traffic crash, and 1 in 7,752 chance of being a murder victim, you won't have to worry about her getting on you about your career choices. Instead, you will have to worry about her locking the two of you in the house and never allowing either of you to venture outside, ever.

    • itwasjustifi3d
      itwasjustifi3d commented
      Editing a comment
      You sir are awesome. Again thanks for the comment, I'll make sure to give her this stack with her Christmas gift.

  • #6
    So your mother would rather have you slave away in an Amazon warehouse under unsafe work conditions? (With a 4-year degree, no less)

    Have her read this:

    https://coshnetwork.org/2019-Dirty-Dozen-Release

    The National Council for Occupational Safety and Health (National COSH) announced today “The Dirty Dozen” employers of 2019, highlighting companies that put workers and communities at risk due to unsafe practices. The Dirty Dozen 2019 report is released in observance of Workers’ Memorial Week, honoring workers who lost their lives on the job, as well as those who have suffered workplace injuries and illnesses.

    “We can make our workplaces safer – if we listen to workers and take action to reduce hazards on the job,” said Marcy Goldstein-Gelb, co-executive director of National COSH. “There is no reason to tolerate irresponsible behavior by employers who fail to provide a safe workplace – and force workers and families to pay the price.”

    The “Dirty Dozen for 2019 are:

    AMAZON, Seattle, Washington; California, Maryland and Texas
    Six worker deaths in seven months; 13 deaths since 2013. Reports of a high incidence of suicide attempts; workers urinating in bottles and workers left without resources or income after on-the-job injuries. The company was also a “Dirty Dozen” entry in 2018.

    Comment


    • itwasjustifi3d
      itwasjustifi3d commented
      Editing a comment
      Yup I tried to knock some sense into her. But she thinks I'll be like my uncle where I can start at the bottom and work my way up to a more executive position (he basically started in a teller position as a college drop out and now is some sort of executive for a bank). :|
      Last edited by itwasjustifi3d; 11-15-2019, 12:35 AM.

  • #7
    This is the most millennial post I’ve ever seen...
    "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." -- GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

    "With a brother on my left and a sister on my right, we face…. We face what no one should face. We face, so no one else would face. We are in the face of Death." -- Holli Peet

    Comment


    • #8
      Originally posted by itwasjustifi3d View Post
      I'm just in a really tight pickle right now. So recently I was trying out for a Customs and Border Protection Officer position but got suspended during the process because of uncorrected vision. Well tonight (11/13/19) I was talking to my mom about it and she got real mad at wanting to an "armed" job. Not that she has anything against guns but that because I am armed it will be really dangerous. I myself already know the dangers and will gladly take whatever risk needs to be taken, and she already knew about me signing up for this and never said anything about it during my early stages, and only know brings it up now. Law enforcement has always been a dream of mine, preferably wanting to work exploitation/trafficking stuff, but anything I'll gladly take anything. Well sorry for my little rant.

      So question is have any of you experienced the same thing when you were growing up like me (a 21 year senior in college) where you had strict, overprotective parents that would cut you off if you did anything like what I am trying to do? I know that as a 21 year old male that it's sort of pathetic that I have no backbone/tough skin, but with my mother it is basically a her house, her rules scenario and basically a "Yes mom" sort of case. I know I can probably find some sort of compromise, but any advice on how to deal with this without tipping our relationship?

      Thank you!
      My mother was actually kind of happy when I went into Corrections because she thought it was safer than being on the streets.

      she wasn't happy when I left and started with the Sherif's Office

      Not caring either way I went back to Corrections after 5 yrs on the streets and after a total of 30 yrs behind bars..................I can tell you it's probably safer working the streets.................................I carry a gun becasue of some of the **** I saw behind bars and the people I met there.

      You have to live your own life.....................


      If you don't have the backbone to stand up for yourself and what you want..................you wouldn't make a good cop anyway
      Last edited by Iowa #1603; 11-14-2019, 10:44 PM.
      Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

      My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

      Comment


      • itwasjustifi3d
        itwasjustifi3d commented
        Editing a comment
        For me I don't understand her. I applied for a customs officer position not at the border and she was still like this, probably much safer than out on the streets (I don't know). I know me not having no backbone is not a good thing, in any other situation I would stand up to that person. But again, coming from an asian family where they place super high importance on listening to parents just really irks me. For now I'm just going to finish last quarter of university and save up so I can move the **** out of the house.

    • #9
      You're a grown-assed man...err...male.

      It was time to cut the cord three years ago.

      Comment


      • #10
        Grow a pair brah! If your momma chooses to be disappointed by you choosing a career field that you want, then it’s on her. It’s not like you’re choosing to be a drug dealer or international jewel thief.

        You think dealing with your mother is difficult. It’s a whole different ballgame once you get on the streets.
        Getting shot hurts! Don't under estimate the power of live ammo. A .22LR can kill you! I personally feel that it's best to avoid being shot by any caliber. Your vest may stop the bullet, but you'll still get a nice bruise or other injury to remember the experience.

        Comment


        • #11
          1. CBP OFO has 22,000 officers. That's a lot of LEOs. Do you know the last time a CBPO was killed in the line of duty? Answer: 2010, from a heart attack during training (contrast this to CBP-BP, which has 2-3 agents a year KIA). My point is this: CBP OFO is probably the safest LE job in the country. Why? Because everyone knows they are going to be inspected when arriving at a port of entry, where dozens of officers are stationed and gates and cameras and fences are everywhere. Heck, at airports, everyone CBP deals with has been through a metal detector, a luxury few other LEOs enjoy. So tell mom while there's no such thing as a 100% safe LE job, CBP OFO is about as close as possible.

          2. I get there's a cultural component to this, which I may not fully understand. But you are an adult, and not be beholden to her wishes and demands forever.

          3. Move out of the house. Get a job. And if you really want to distract mom from your job, bring home a dirty little girlfriend. You know what I mean- purple hair, lip piercings, knee high leather boots, etc. Now she will really start complaining....

          But seriously, dude. It's all good. You've got a plan. Just follow through and leave the nest, be your own man.



          Chance favors the prepared mind.

          -Louis Pasteur

          Comment


          • #12
            Everyone's Mother worries about them, no matter what your ethnic background is.
            Take a step back. Do some soul searching. What do YOU want to do?

            I'm with Iowa, I wouldn't recommend this career field as it is now. But it's not about anyone but you. It may not feel like it, but you're really at a major crossroads in your life with this decision.

            Caring for parents as they age is tough, been through it twice, but I don't think you're there yet. If you are 21, she's probably only in her 40s. You can compromise and not apply for positions that would take you far away from home. Please don't allow this to force you into a career that will make you unhappy and ask at age 50, 'I wish I had done this...…..'

            Does she speak English? Is she working? If she is really 'Old World,' take her with you.

            Comment


            • #13
              I stopped listening to my mom over a decade ago; I love her but she is just too emotional to make logical decisions or understand my decisions.

              Comment

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