Dealing with abusive people

[Potatohead]

I'm a contractor and I'm currently dealing with a "crazy" man client. A control freak who trusts no one and flies off the handle at a moments notice. He has no idea what it takes to renovate his property, (a large old house being converted into a few separate rental units). I think he's got a short man complex too.

I've only been the target of his tirades twice, (I think I saw foam coming from his mouth). Both those times I came so close to losing it on him, but somehow, I kept my cool. Others, like the poor guys trying to install the phone and cable probably jumped off a bridge after he berated them. I've got one more week of a 10 week job to go, and if I can keep it together for the last few days, I'll get paid the final balance (he does seem to pay on time thank god).

So Question: You guys must be on the receiving end of this type of crap a lot more often than me. How do you deal with it? How do you not take it personaly? How do you keep cool?

[Bing_Oh]

Personally, I remember the mobster's credo..."it's nothing personal, it's just business." I remember that the loudmouths I deal with aren't directing any of their remarks toward me, per se, but toward the authority figure that I am when I enter a scene. All of the insults and even the violence directed toward me ISN'T directed toward me, it's directed toward the uniform and what it represents. I just happen to be the one wearing it.

Is that true? I dunno. But it's a good mindset and it works for me.

[SlowDownThere]

Others, like the poor guys trying to install the phone and cable probably jumped off a bridge after he berated them.

I don't think that anyone could berate me that much.

I'd either ignore him, poke himin the nose, or quit the job.

[Nightshift va]

This is actually an honor that you would ask us knowing the A** H**ES we deal with on a regular basis. For you in your case just keep the "Customer Service" going and calmly tell him not to threatin or use profanity towards you or you will have to end your obligation to work for him. Then next time you do a job make sure you learn from this experience and have an agreement in with your "bid" or"estimate"in writting to that affect that you will end work if threatend or cursed at". What do cops do when the verbal comliments spew towards us? Im not gonna lie and say that I havent responded with a choke slam and an arrest for "Obstruction" but I let a great deal more go now by actually saying it before I act as in "Sir" If you threaten the Police again I will Place you into Custody for Obstruction here in Va that includes force threat or intimidation while in duty performance. When I was a rookie in a City Id just do it" like the Nike Tshirt. Ofcourse we are only human. Best bet be professional and get paid and learn from it by doing something about it in future client relationships with a contract and at all times when the sawed off man starts spewing hatred out of his mouth watch his hands the entire time while you smile.

[Nightshift va]

Personally, I remember the mobster's credo..."it's nothing personal, it's just business." I remember that the loudmouths I deal with aren't directing any of their remarks toward me, per se, but toward the authority figure that I am when I enter a scene. All of the insults and even the violence directed toward me ISN'T directed toward me, it's directed toward the uniform and what it represents. I just happen to be the one wearing it.

Is that true? I dunno. But it's a good mindset and it works for me.

That Nietzsche quote is Police Work in a nutshell, Im gonna keep that one bud, thanks.

[Bing_Oh]

That Nietzsche quote is Police Work in a nutshell, Im gonna keep that one bud, thanks.

I've liked that quote since before I became a LEO. I ran across it again after I got my first job and realized how apt it was for the profession. With all the possible pitfalls in this job, it's become something of a personal mantra.

[Tim Dees]

I've liked that quote since before I became a LEO. I ran across it again after I got my first job and realized how apt it was for the profession. With all the possible pitfalls in this job, it's become something of a personal mantra.

When I left regular street police work, a fellow officer gave me a desk plaque with my name, agency, service dates, and that quote on it. Don't forget the rest of it:

When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

[Bing_Oh]

When I left regular street police work, a fellow officer gave me a desk plaque with my name, agency, service dates, and that quote on it. Don't forget the rest of it:

When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

One of the great thing about those kinds of quotes is that they have as much to do with personal understanding and translation as they have to do with what the writer meant.

I understood the first part, at least academically, even before I was a LEO. The second part puzzled me when I was younger, though. I can't say that's true anymore. As I've gotten older and more experienced, I've found some personal understanding about gazing into the abyss and what it can do to you. Now, I think that's about seeing the darker side of man and the cynicism and hopelessness that breeds in people like us. Personally, I find it easier to avoid becoming a monster than it is to avoid the gaze of the abyss...

Geeze, that's depressing! I apologize for the downer, guys!

[Potatohead]

Thanks for the insights guys. I had to deal with him again yesterday. It's almost like he's goading me into a fight. He just has so much misery and anger in him, it's pathetic. He's like the most spoiled child you ever met, all grown up with money. Temper tantrums galore.

Anyhow, I think we men, (and probably women too) when confronted like this, feel less like "real men" if we don't blast back. But I know that the instant satisfaction of retalliation usually comes with a lot of regret, so I bite my tongue. Rising above ain't easy sometimes.

I belong to a contractor forum and while everyone there has had to deal with one or two a**holes in their career, I thought it might be better to get some insight here. The advice from the labourers and grunts is to pucnh him in the face. The advice from the succesful large contractors is to take it, and his money. And run far away when I get the cheque.

[irishdep]

It sounds like this guy has some issues to deal with. Don't get into anything with him just finish the job and learn from it. Like the other posts state with us it's the authority we represent. In Michigan we have what's called the use of force continium. The lowest level is officer presence, just being in uniform is a threat to some people, and those people yell at whoever is in the uniform. This guy is taking his anger out on whomever he can. Good luck!