To Cal or Not to Call (CPS)

[KC2GYV]

Here's the background: Husband and wife married for 14 years (or so). He was "slightly" abusive before they were married, and since, he has put a fist through a wall, pushed her around, and most recently, punched his 13 year old son in the face with a closed fist - sent him across the room. Notwithstanding that the wife needs to step up to the plate and either kick him out or take the kids and leave, what do I tell my wife on how to cope with this, and advise her to call or not to call CPS?

She works two jobs to support the family, and he sits on his @$$. Claims he isn't smart enough to hold down a real job. There are firearms in the house, but I don't think he's ever used, or threatened to use them against anyone. When confronted recently about is lack of anger management, he grabbed a knife from the kitchen and threatened to slit his wrists if she took the kids and left.

I understand that if there is a suspicion then the call should be made, but I'm also looking at the fact that not once, when abuse has occurred, has she sought medical attention, or called LE. Personally, I'd like to make the 3000+ mile trip, jack him up, and then help her pack up the van and leave.

Advice?

[MAD_MAX333]

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[rpd1794]

CPS should have been contacted for the assault on the 13 year old....I'm all for discipline, but that goes way above and beyond.

The guy sounds like the typical wife beater....bad *** around her and the kids but when the cops show up all the fight is suddenly out of him. Real tough guy

You can't force her to call the police, but you can protect the interests of the child....and maybe force her to take a better look at her situation. This guy has real issues.

[Crex4242]

i'm not a cop, so you'll have to wait for cops to reply.. but in myexprience most women are WAY too forgiving and let s*** hit the fan totally before moving on or calling the police... give her advice as to take the kids and whatever she has when he is not around, leave, get her number unlisted, if she needs stay in a women's shelter for a few months to gather her things up... then start a new life and NEVER EVER look back, get a restraining order as well so he can't bother them ever again...

if there is one thing i HATE is when women stay with *********

Well I am polcie officer and she needs to take the kids and leave before this dirtbag kills all of them one day. He is using his mind games to keep her with cutting his wrist. Tell her to say do us all a favor and slice away.

[Da Po-po]

Keep in mind that women in relationships like this have serious issues with self-esteem and a warped reality due to the abusive atmosphere they live in. The dynamics of an abusive relationship are very complex, and as any cop can tell you, VERY frustrating. In a nutshell, the D.V. laws in place recognize this fact and essentially empower the police to not only protect the victim from the offender, but also to protect the victim from themself. For sure, law enforcement should be involved, and social workers need to intervene on the part of the child. If the mother isn't concerned enough or able to protect the son, then somebody needs to. Also, with any luck, the intervention with the child will spark some sort of positive change in the mother as well. If there are weapons in the home and he has made threats to harm himself, I PROMISE he has threatened her with them as well. This guy's behavior is screaming control freak and every interaction between him and his family is geared towards maintaining that control. If he can't get it through intimidation, then he gets it through force. When he thinks she may leave, he uses intense kindness, guilt, and threats of force. This woman likely believes that she has done something to cause this, is not able to leave, and is so brainwashed she may not want to. If you do intervene, be prepared to lose her as a friend since she may protect her husband. Very sad situation indeed. Good luck.

[MAD_MAX333]

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[Bigd1970]

Make the call. I support Crex4242.

[Max Fischer]

You shouldn't even question whether or not to call CPS. A kid was punched in the face. Make the call.

I have a question. In AZ it is against the law to NOT report SUSPECTED abuse, and they are actually charging people when they are found to be negligent in this issue. The statute states that the abuse only be suspected, not witnessed, etc. In fact, the statute was recently revised to state that the only person that isn't required by law to report is the suspected abuser...

In your states, aren