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what do I say when those close to me dont want me to be a cop

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  • what do I say when those close to me dont want me to be a cop

    This question has been on my mind for a while. My mother doesnt like the idea of me being a cop, and if i ever have to kill anyone and if she finds out she more or less said she wants nothing more to do with me. My family worries that once i become a cop that i will be killed. So i just have a few questions about this and what i should do. Ok first off. Would being a cop make for a stressful marriage? This has confused me because two theries have went through my mind, on the one hand there is the possiblity of it being a loving marraige and meaningful because witchever spouse isnt in law enforcment knows that their spouse may not come home that night and as a result they both make the most of the time the have together and they say "I love you" a lot. On the other hand i have heard of some marriages that failed because one partner was a cop and got a tough-guy attitude, and others because the person just got really hardend after several years of law enforcment. Now i asked this question to the corpral i know personally because he is married, and he said that if i am killed then my spouse will get a lot of money from life insurance, i know he was just jokeing but at the same time he didnt give me a serious answer. So if you are a married cop please tell me if it causes problems.

    Also what do i do concerning all those that are worried about me dieing, i for one am not afriad to die. That doesnt mean i wanna die it just means i am not afraid to die. If i were to ever make swat i would voluntarly be the first to enter a room or take point. So what do i tell those that are afraid i am going to be killed?

    My mother really protested my origional wanting to join the military she would say that people die in the military, and i remember my reply I said to her, "Yes people die in the military, but so do people here in the United States, they die from medical problems, accidents and many other reasons, but they died free men and women because there are those that value the lives of others more then their own, and they believe that protecting those back home is worth their life" The same principle would apply to police. I have enjoyed growing up where i live. I can bike routes up to 20-30 miles on the main roads and in towns, and come back home safe, i dont have to worry about being kidnapped or hit intentionally by vehicles, i can park my bike in a public place and come back and know that my bike is still there. I have seen many cars with windows open yet around here people dont even think about stealing cars. Also if i am correct there hasnt been a murder in my county in over 10 years. This is all because my local police do their job, and i want my kids to grow up in a safe enviroment, like i am growing up in, and not just my kids, all the children in the area where i would work, and their families. It would be so amazing if i was able to change the life of one person for the better. Well anywas, am i wierd for not being afriad to die, and thinking that saveing/helping/changing anothers life is worth my life? and again what do i tell those that TRY to deter me from becoming a police officier? I can just ignore them but i need to give a reason, It would be impossible to convince me not to become a cop. Anways thanks in advance for answering my questions about what to say to people and what it is like to be a married cop.
    All citizens have the right to get up in the morning, go to work, come home, be with their families, and loved ones, and live their lives without being robbed, beaten, harmed, rapped etc.... and that right needs to be protected, that is why i am going to be a cop. To protect that right, it isnt about having power and authority or money. For a right such as the aformentioned I will put my life on the line to protect it.

    I am Zeichnete Grau aka Big Z

  • #2
    Your mom sounds lame. That's all I can really add.

    No offense by the way.
    Last edited by concon02; 08-06-2005, 03:57 PM.

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    • #3
      It is your life to live and no one else's. You have to do what makes you happy and not live your life to please others. Remember that and you'll be fine.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by WTPD3534
        It is your life to live and no one else's. You have to do what makes you happy and not live your life to please others. Remember that and you'll be fine.
        So true.

        Your mother only seems to "know" about police from what she sees on TV, she fears the unknown. Now don't get me wrong, even if she was from a family of cops she'd still worry about you. That's what good Moms do.

        Having said that, you explained your reason why you wish to become a police officer to her, that is all you can do. This also applies to anyone else who doesn't share your goals. Move on with the rest of your life in this regard.

        At some point you have to grow up and become the man you want to be.
        Last edited by BrickCop; 08-06-2005, 08:05 PM.
        Disclaimer: The writer does not represent any organization, employer, entity or other individual. The first amendment protected views/commentary/opinions/satire expressed are those only of the writer. In the case of a sarcastic, facetious, nonsensical, stirring-the-pot, controversial or devil's advocate-type post, the views expressed may not even reflect those of the writer.

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        • #5
          becoming a cop

          seems like your mother has far too much influence over you.. I think you should forego any idea of becoming a police officer, this occupation requires one to make very difficult decisions and you apparently aren't able to do this. Find another career or become a man and make your own decisions

          Comment


          • #6
            OK, Lets take it one at a time.

            Divorce is very common in law enforcement. I think the biggest problem is that as a cop, you do not work normal hours or have normal days off, making family life very difficult. Your wife has no one to snuggle with at night because you are working. If your wife works a normal Monday - Friday job, you won't be able to spend your days off together because you will probably have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off. You can't engage in normal weekend activities with your kids because you are working (or sleeping). The pay is not condusive to supporting a family.

            You're not being afraid to die is a bit troubling. As a cop, you are no good to anyone if you rush out there and get killed. A good cop stays alive today so he can help someone tomorrow.

            As far as mothers are concerned, it doesn't matter if you are 15 and your mom is 40, or you are 60 and she is 85. In her mind, you are always going to be her little baby. As you grow older you will learn how to work around this (It will be difficult but you will figure it out).

            When it comes to dealing with friends and family who don't want you to become a cop, the answer is simple - don't discuss it with them. If they don't suport you in your goals, there is no profit in deliberately engaging in a continuous debate with them. Just keep it to yourself and only discuss this area with people who support you.

            Good luck with you goals (and no matter how safe your neighborhood is, lock up your bike when it's unattended).
            Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere

            Comment


            • #7
              sorry...leo forum only...my mistake
              Last edited by gpd810mertie; 08-06-2005, 11:55 PM. Reason: wrong forum...sorry

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by trooperden
                seems like your mother has far too much influence over you.. I think you should forego any idea of becoming a police officer, this occupation requires one to make very difficult decisions and you apparently aren't able to do this. Find another career or become a man and make your own decisions
                my mother doesnt have influence over me in this, i just wanted to know what i should say to her. You cant convince me that becomeing a police officier isnt right for me. Trust me many have tried, it just aint going to happen.

                Originally posted by BrickCop
                So true.

                Your mother only seems to "know" about police from what she sees on TV, she fears the unknown. Now don't get me wrong, even if she was from a family of cops she'd still worry about you. That's what good Moms do.
                Yea the media always seems to give the police and military a bad name, it seems almost like they want the public to hate them. Now i dont buy into that crap, because as you all know i have been in a car with police in ride-along programs, and nomatter what happened i very much enjoyed it and dont think of police as bad. I know many people do, they seem to hate cops, yet, who do they turn to when they have been robed or had some other crime committed against them?

                Originally posted by L-1

                You're not being afraid to die is a bit troubling. As a cop, you are no good to anyone if you rush out there and get killed. A good cop stays alive today so he can help someone tomorrow.
                I am not saying i would do something stupid, i know that you are to not rush into anything, i would do whatever i could to stay alive. I was saying that I am not going to back down from becomeing a police officier just because i might die.

                I wanna thank you all for you replys and the thing about marriage is trobleing, and i dunno how that will work out for me. There is a girl i love and i wanna marry her, but at the same time i dont want her to live a hard life, because she is the kind of female that needs to be with the one she loves, and be with him a lot. However being in law enforcment is what i really want to do. I mean when i was a kid there was lots of stuff i wanted to be, and i am sure you all thought of many things you wanted to be when you were young. For the past few years i have wanted to be a cop, and like i said no one can stop me from wanting to be that. Many have tried and some people make comments to me that are not very nice, and one kid brought a cop action figure to school and put a rope around its neck and hung it from his locker and made sure that i saw it. I realize that i will be hated when i am a cop, but i know that many citizens show police their support and gratitude. I think it would be worth enduring thousands of insults just to hear one "thank you". There are still things that i need to learn, like becoming willing to help someone that got hurt trying to kill you or run from you, and being able to stay calm when someone is shouting at you saying every curse word in the book because you gave them a ticket or something like that. If you could give me some tips on how to be able to do that that would be great. Well anyways thanks again for the questions you guys have already answered.
                All citizens have the right to get up in the morning, go to work, come home, be with their families, and loved ones, and live their lives without being robbed, beaten, harmed, rapped etc.... and that right needs to be protected, that is why i am going to be a cop. To protect that right, it isnt about having power and authority or money. For a right such as the aformentioned I will put my life on the line to protect it.

                I am Zeichnete Grau aka Big Z

                Comment


                • #9
                  Yes, LE is tough on marriages. I think in my case, a big part of my divorce was I became "Hardened" like you mentioned before. Or at least, the ex used to call me a "Bastard" and "Heartless." I don't think of myself or most cops as heartless, if we were why in the hell would we do this job? Go figure...

                  Anyway, if you allow your relationship to keep you out of LE, you will hold it against the girl forever. Sometime, somewhere, it will come up that she held you back and it will not be pretty.

                  Maybe others will disagree, but when I made the decision to do this, I had the feeling that being a cop was a "Calling." If I'm not diluted in thinking that, then if you have the calling, then you will not be happy if you don't act on it.

                  Your family will deal. My mother didn't like the idea in the beginning, my dad was obviously proud of me for it. Mom is coming around though, I think. Your friends will either deal or you will find new friends.
                  "He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still"

                  -Lao Tzu

                  "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

                  -Reinhold Niebuhr

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    what do I say

                    You tell them you want to be a cop, and that's your decision. Then, you start to make it happen by applying, testing etc. LE is definitely rough on marriage, and your spouse is going to have to be pretty understanding. You'll work differing hours, you'll miss a lot of family events,your kids will be grown before you know it,and you'll work a whole lot of Christmas's,birthdays, etc. Most civilian jobs are 9-5. LE is 24/7/365.

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                    • #11
                      what do I say when those close to me dont want me to be a cop
                      "Pass me another joint"?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by PhilipCal
                        LE is 24/7/365.
                        that is what i hear, there is no such thing as an off-duty cop. I still am not dismayed by all the downs of LE, cause it is still what i wish to spend the rest of my life doing.
                        All citizens have the right to get up in the morning, go to work, come home, be with their families, and loved ones, and live their lives without being robbed, beaten, harmed, rapped etc.... and that right needs to be protected, that is why i am going to be a cop. To protect that right, it isnt about having power and authority or money. For a right such as the aformentioned I will put my life on the line to protect it.

                        I am Zeichnete Grau aka Big Z

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          my dear departed grandmother did not want me to become a l.e.o. ,
                          she thought runnin around in a postal truck delivering the mail
                          would be better and less dangerous, at that time i put mself thru
                          the fire academy, have 2 brothers in the military at the time, i could
                          at least say I went thru sumthing rough and earned my certificate.
                          9 month later after that, i started my career, and here i been for
                          22 yrs , all I can say it's your life , go for the gusto !!
                          " if you talk in your sleep, don't mention my name....
                          " if you walk in your sleep, forget where you came....

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I have to agree with L-1. He pretty much said everything I was thinking. There are clearly some major issues you need to evaluate before making a decision, but keep in mind that law enforcement is a very demanding profession emotionally and that is even more of a problem when your family doesn't back you up. Mothers do worry; that's to be expected. The fact that your mother talks as if she would disown you should you ever have to take a life in the line of duty is a real shame. There are two likely scenarios with that attitude. The first is that she really would feel that way, which is kind of a lousy outlook. The second, and most likely, is she made such statements in an effort to discourage you in starting a law enforcement career. Regarding romantic relationships, I have known officers who have been happily married for many years, and I have known officers who had terrible marriages due to the cruddy hours, mediocre pay, and job stressors. I have been divorced twice during my 7 years of law enforcement, and my experiences aren't uncommon. It takes a very special person to be an officer's spouse, just as it takes a special person to be in this profession. Keep in mind, however, that after a few years of putting in time on the road, there are opportunities to take positions in an agency with better hours and better perks. Overall, if policing is your dream and you feel the benefits outweigh the negatives, then you need to just be your own man and go for it. I speculate your mom will come around in time. Good Luck!
                            God made cops so firemen would have heroes.

                            You do not greet Death; you punch him in the throat repeatedly as he drags you away.

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