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  • Need advice...

    My guy is a veteran with a large Sheriff's Office. He was demoted due to some charges, largely unfounded, but yet upheld (I'd prefer not to elaborate here).
    Disregarding that, how do I help him cope with a 2 rank demotion? One day, he says he's ok and 'will forge ahead', regaining his rank the hard way, the next, he's ****ed and depressed because he feels he was wronged and shouldn't have to regain the rank 'the hard way'.
    I told him maybe he needs to retire early, but he's just a few years from the 30 year mark, but then, he could take medical for a major back problem, or, he's talking about a change of scenery-transferring to a different division within his Department.
    I feel I am guilty of thinking I can somehow save him and/or heal him, but feel so defeated when he is so down and depressed. But you do these things for those you love dearly...
    Any advice?
    Any and all is greatly needed and appreciated!
    Everyone, be safe and happy...

  • #2
    Originally posted by lt93lover
    My guy is a veteran with a large Sheriff's Office. He was demoted due to some charges, largely unfounded, but yet upheld (I'd prefer not to elaborate here).
    Most people here would like to know the general circumstances of his demotion. We all know a 30 year career is tough to throw away. But with his seniority he should be eligible to immediately test for promotion again, right?
    Whitechapel - Hate Creation

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    • #3
      He has to deal with it on his own. With that much time in and if he can retire he should perhaps go that route. If he was "wronged" as is being said then that's up to the courts and union's to decide providing he has a strong union like the FOP.

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      • #4
        I agree with Bodie, the best you can do is be supportive while he works through these difficulties on his own. If he is not ready to hang it up, maybe a transfer is best. Don't try to help him make the decision, just add input if requested and again, be supportive of whatever he decides to do.

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        • #5
          Been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt. I was removed from a first shift command position for being "to tight with the troops," so I swallowed my pride, went on as an all shift relief Commander. I had 25 years in at the time. It was a hugh blow to my self-esteem, and I went through some highs and lows. What kept me going was the realization that the job was only 8 hours out of my day that let me live the other 16 hours. The people that mattered to me on the job, the officers under my command, knew that I hadn't compromised my integrity. I chose to take a position at another department, and I've never been happier.

          The best thing you can do is be supportive. If my wife hadn't been behind me, the whole situation would have been magnified.
          Extremism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice. Barry Goldwater

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          • #6
            I've been there too. Promoted and demoted twice with the same department. It's a huge blow. The depression was pretty severe and even had physical manifestations. Part of the depression was the back and forth high/low swing.

            Distance, both chronological and physical, between him and this incident will be the biggest cure for what he's going through. That and re-acquiring that which he has lost, whether that's rank where he's at or going somewhere that he is more appreciated. I finally got to the point where I was miserable and up and left. I had a lawsuit hanging over my head and it's a small pond around here, so I was black-balled and had to leave the full-time law enforcement field for a while. If he's in a situation like that, being supportive and offering feedback where/when he asks for it is the best way to help him.

            You can read up on mental illness in LEO's (pick the search engine of your choice) and you'll see that LEO's are probably at the foremost of the type of personality that equates self worth with failure/achievement on the job. I don't know how bad things are for your guy, but educate yourself on some of the warning signs.

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            • #7
              Appreciate your comments-my guy is studying for the Sargeant's test-one of the reasons he gets so upset is because he has already been there, done that-he was a Lieutenant, 8th on the Captain's list, having passed that exam, when he got demoted.
              Guess it is really something I can't do anything about-only he can make himself happy about it. I do support him fully, but it's just frustrating when I feel like a bystander..

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