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Balancing the stresses of being a cop and family life

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  • Balancing the stresses of being a cop and family life

    Hey guys, my name is Brian and I'm trying to switch my career from an electrician to a cop. And my wife is very supportive of this. However we both work Monday-Friday 7:00 -3:30. Now I obviously know this won't be the case if I successfully getting into LE and I'm ok with it and willing to have my schedule change. And while my wife is very supportive of this dream I know it will be very hard on her. Unless I get lucky and get the morning shift I'll eaither be going into work as she's getting home or I'll be leaving as she going to bed. So my question is how do you deal with it ? How do you help them deal with it ?obviously this can cause some stress at home and be hard on your family life.

    Thanks
    Brian

  • #2
    With most agencies, you will be starting your career on the graveyard shift, with weekdays off (working weekends). As for how to make it work, you just.. have to make it work. Really can't answer the question until you know what your schedule is going to be, but graves is probably what you're looking at.

    How do I help them deal with it? I try to be be supportive and helpful whenever I am around. Standard marriage stuff. Yeah it's tough, yeah it sucks; it was worth it for me, only you can decide if it is worth it for you.

    Comment


    • #3
      It takes a lot of work for BOTH partners.
      Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

      My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

      Comment


      • #4
        You just kinda make it work
        The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed.

        I Am the Sheepdog.


        "And maybe just remind the few, if ill of us they speak,
        that we are all that stands between
        the monsters and the weak." - Michael Marks


        sigpic

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        • #5
          All of the above and getting the morning shift doesn't necessarily make you lucky lol.

          “This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”

          George V. Higgins--The Friends of Eddie Coyle

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by slamdunc View Post
            All of the above and getting the morning shift doesn't necessarily make you lucky lol.
            I kept trading my day shifts for nights...........................was able to stay on midnights for 14 yrs
            Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

            My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

            Comment


            • #7
              If you want to have more flexibility with what shift you actually get, I'd recommend joining a large department. Yes, you will start off probably on an overnight shift, but at my dept it's quite possible to get on a day shift within 2 years. And that's not bad at all. I love working nights, but I might look for a dayshift once my kid gets to elementary school.

              Aside from that, I'm not gonna lie. It's tough. Probably at least one day a week I'm awake for close to 24 hours before I can get any sleep. Sometimes after one of those days, I get home and sleep so hard I don't even see my family. BUT, I have a very stable job with a very stable income. I also have overtime available to me when I need money for holidays and other expenses.

              Comment


              • #8
                Wait till she hits you with "you've changed".

                Comment


                • #9
                  It isn't just your shift that you have to worry about......so I work midnights (again) not by choice. In addition to working regular zombie hours there is:

                  - court during the morning and afternoon
                  - meetings (usually late in the morning so people "don't have to get up too early")
                  - training during the days
                  - neighbors who have house work done while they are at work
                  - lawn mowers, trash trucks, etc
                  - people calling you at 11am "whoa there buddy, must be nice to sleep in!"

                  Before you look at this job, understand that it really, truly is a lifestyle and for most people it is a drastic change. The guys that I've met who didn't have a drastic lifestyle change aren't good cops. They don't train regularly (hence only do the mandatory stuff they get detailed to) , don't make lockups unless someone crashes into them (hence avoiding court), don't do extra duty (hence avoiding meetings) and basically are like retarded salmon that just go with the flow.

                  Also, check this crap out.....lets say I am detailed to a training class. Midnights (for me) starts the night before for that day, so I work "Tuesday" but I report Monday night. So say I have training on Tuesday, I'm off Monday night and train all day Tuesday and then have to report Tuesday night for work because I technically work "Wednesday." Confused yet? Did I mention I hate midnights? I miss my evening shift

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by BNWS View Post
                    Wait till she hits you with "you've changed".
                    Saw a funny comic the other day, the wife says this and the husband replies "copy that".

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Good luck Brian. I'm constantly impressed with my wife for handling my job the way she does. It seems like every overtime shift, every officer down, and all the negativity for police hits her and my family harder than it hits me. If she supports you, that's fantastic. You learn to make life work. Hopefully she's in a spot where she can take a day off sometimes, and you'll see how much fun going out on a Tuesday is without the crowds

                      P.S. day getting morning shift is not lucky!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by BNWS View Post
                        Wait till she hits you with "you've changed".
                        This job is hard to balance out things with your family. I barely see my gf which gets me upset but nothing you can do.
                        NYPD
                        PBBS
                        5 Years

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by B16bri View Post
                          Hey guys, my name is Brian and I'm trying to switch my career from an electrician to a cop. And my wife is very supportive of this. However we both work Monday-Friday 7:00 -3:30. Now I obviously know this won't be the case if I successfully getting into LE and I'm ok with it and willing to have my schedule change. And while my wife is very supportive of this dream I know it will be very hard on her. Unless I get lucky and get the morning shift I'll eaither be going into work as she's getting home or I'll be leaving as she going to bed. So my question is how do you deal with it ? How do you help them deal with it ?obviously this can cause some stress at home and be hard on your family life.

                          Thanks
                          Brian
                          Rookies get the worst shifts available. When you get enough time in to get better shifts it will be time to be promoted and then you go back to the bad shifts as a rookie supervisor, It is a vicious circle. I retired with 27 years 3 months and just got to the rank and shift I wanted 8 months prior to retiring.

                          You will need to keep your family posted on your shifts and you will need your kids to pull their weight to make it work for you and your wife. The infamous "you have changed" your wife will throw at you will be the result of you being short with them and not explaining anything to them. This comes from the redundancy of dealing with offenders and supervisors. Less is better when communicating after an incident and it sticks with you. You start to treat your family that way. Good luck.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            She is amazingly supportive with the whole thing, and we have had talks about the possible situations we could be facing and I really can't say enough good things about her. While I understand I am making the choice to live this life style I just feel like It's going to be harder on her than me. Someone asked if she worked in a profession that would allowe her to take days off. She is a teacher so yes she will be able to take personal days and she's off all the times as schools have so many days off. People here keep saying that if you get the day shift your not lucky. What's the reasoning behind that? Workload, type of calls ? Or something else?
                            Thanks
                            Brian

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by B16bri View Post
                              People here keep saying that if you get the day shift your not lucky. What's the reasoning behind that? Workload, type of calls ? Or something else?
                              Thanks
                              Brian
                              Brass
                              Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

                              My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

                              Comment

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