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  • Dating a police officer

    I have been dating a police officer who works in a large city. I hear so many stories about the divorce rate among police officers. Our relationship has become very serious and I was just wondering if the male officers could give me a bit of advice on how to NOT become a statistic. I personally don't see what the problem is with it. My hours are as crazy as his and I love my alone time so I don't have any issues in that area. Is this mostly where the problems lie?

  • #2
    I've been on the job for a while now and I know of a few officers that have gotten divorces. The main conflict was the rotating shifts and the hours spent apart.

    I've been divorced, but it wasn't because of the job, it was due to other issues.

    All I can say is that both of you should take the time to communicate with each other. Even if it's a very small part of the day, take the time to talk to each other, write little notes that you can put in his pocket or duty bag, or just set aside some time to be together without outside distractions.

    Above all, understand that there are going to be times where he may not want to talk about work. He or someone he works with may have been involved in something big that day. Give him time to open up to you, and listen carefully to what he says. Us men are terrible at saying how we feel about things, so just be patient.

    Hope that was a little helpful, and good luck to both of you.
    Matthew 5:9

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    • #3
      Thanks for the advice. I do know that there are times when he does not want to talk about work and that there are times when I should not ask questions. I also understand that sometimes he may be able to open up to fellow police officers before he can open up to me and that I should not take that personally. That to me is understandable. I also have a rotating schedule and am required to work weekends and holidays We do communicate several times a day via cell phone. In my opinion though I think all the time apart makes both of more excited to see each other and we can appreciate our time together.

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      • #4
        Reach an understanding that he's allowed to have a girlfriend on the side if you gain more than 5 pounds, or turn him down for sex more than once a year. And learn how to cook really, really well, and always wear tight jeans. And don't pester him. He works hard and deserves not to be pestered. And keep the house clean. Remember: "A place for everything, and everything in it's place". And learn how to change the oil on his car. It's really not that hard, and only required one wrench or socket if you remember to only screw the oil filter on hand-tight. That way you can just grab it with a rag and uninstall it when it needs to be changed. Do all of these things, and he will likely never leave you for a younger, more attractive woman.

        Waiiiit a minute...you're only dating him at this point?? Not even engaged and already asking how to stay married..?? I foresee trouble.......
        Last edited by Frank Booth; 10-18-2003, 09:02 AM.

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        • #5
          Re: Dating a police officer

          .
          Last edited by Nobody; 03-14-2004, 07:36 PM.

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          • #6
            Re: Dating a police officer

            Originally posted by heavensent
            I have been dating a police officer who works in a large city. I hear so many stories about the divorce rate among police officers. Our relationship has become very serious and I was just wondering if the male officers could give me a bit of advice on how to NOT become a statistic. I personally don't see what the problem is with it. My hours are as crazy as his and I love my alone time so I don't have any issues in that area. Is this mostly where the problems lie?
            you think too much. if you guys love each other, youll find a way to make it work. it doesnt matter what either you or he does for a living. you dont think stock brokers get divorced too?
            "The American public will find it refreshing to see a Republican candidate, who's not a moralistic, sexually repressed, crusading hypocrite, who cruises airport men's rooms late at night."
            William Shatner

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            • #7
              A little humor anyone???

              Hey everyone. I thought i'd bring a little humor into the picture. Hope you enjoy.

              HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE
              Home Economics High School Text Book, 1954


              Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

              Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

              Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

              Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

              Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home.

              Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

              Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

              Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

              The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

              -----------------

              NOW THATS A WIFE!!!!! Stay safe out there!

              Mike

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              • #8
                My suggestion to you is to go to church together, and establish a strong relationship with Jesus. Being a devout Christian doesn't automatically save you from divorce, but in prayer we receive strength that we need to stay committed to our spouse. My wife and I believe that she should stay home to watch the kids (none yet)and I will provide, that will work well, because we have already learned to live within our means, that way it doesn't matter when I am off my family will always be there. I hope this helps you any questions PM me!!!!

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                • #9
                  Reae "I Love A Cop" by Ellen Kirschman. In my opinion, it is a pretty good book and you could learn a lot from it. Your local library might even have it, as it is pretty popular.

                  K9

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                  • #10
                    COPSHOCK would be a good book. My wife read it after I did. It was given to me by the headdoctor after a shooting I was in. Very enlightening.

                    Mike
                    "Don't bother to run, you will only go to jail tired!"

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                    • #11
                      I'll second on "I love a Cop"..by Ellen Kirschman...when a good friend of mine graduated the Police Academy last spring I presented it to his family as a gift..his girlfriend found it to be very helpful...and me now starting out in LE as the 4th generation in my family I also found the book to be a good tool..esp seeing what job can do..both good and bad...
                      "Massachusetts it's NOT All here!!!!"

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                      • #12
                        The Job Mentality

                        Well I have been divorced and can say I let the Job get the best of me, my Ex could not see how I could spend so much time at work or working second Jobs. COMMUNICATE,COMMUNICATE, relax and enjoy the free time, make free time, I am in a smaller city now and can look back and see the other side of the pasture that I was blind too before,,Live Life not your Job,, I will also vote on I love a Cop, its realy a good book. Learn as much as you can about his job, does your city have a Citizens Police Academy if so go through it, show him your support by being active and understanding, and it will go a long way in helping you both better understand the others views.

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                        • #13
                          Note to self...don't take advice from archer0830, lol.

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                          • #14
                            It is easy to keep a man happy once you are married. Just in case you are blond there is a simple way to remember your role once you tie the knot. Wife stands for

                            Washing
                            Ironing
                            Food
                            Entertainment

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                            • #15
                              Ouch, that hurts.

                              Comment

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