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Advice Needed (Beware: Long Read)

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  • Advice Needed (Beware: Long Read)

    Hello, everyone. Allow me to briefly preface this with the fact that I know this is not entirely a situation requiring advice from LE officers, but I think you will all have some pretty solid insight to lead me in the right direction. So, here we go...

    I'm 22 and I'm married, my wife is 20. We live in a house in the city with two male roommates, all three of us guys attending the same college. My wife's father is... some sort of serious addict. Not sure if it's heroin or pills or both, but definitely of that sort. He has been in and out of jail his entire life, he's been through rehab countless times, you know the story. He just relapsed again about three months ago and has been heading downhill ever since.

    So him and my wife's mom are married, and they still have a house (about five miles away from our own) and live there with their 16-year old son. He has a history of being kicked out by the family during his relapses, returning unwelcome, and becoming violent.

    He had fooled his wife over the past few months into thinking he was paying the rent there, convincing her to turn her paychecks over to him for him to handle the bills. She received an eviction notice yesterday as her rent is apparently $3,000 behind. He then says he needs to pick up his cell phone from a place he left it... has his wife drive him out to some ghetto, and leaves her parked there waiting on him, never to return.

    This is where I finally hear of everything and talk to her... I tell her to call him and tell him not to return home again or she will call the police. I tell her that her son's welfare is the only important thing now, as he is apparently going to participate in these activities regardless of if he's living there, homeless, etc. She follows my advice and he tells her to go ahead and call the cops if he comes back, he doesn't care. That was about 24 hours ago.

    Today no one was home but the 16-year old son for about an hour. He showed while the son was watching TV, unplugged all the cables from the TV, and walked out the door with it. The son says a "shady-looking guy" was waiting outside the front door. This is basically where the narrative of the situation ends...

    What should my wife's mom do? She says she can't report the TV stolen because he bought it a few years ago. I'm not sure how true that is... I told her to write down the serial numbers of everything in the house that has one, to change the locks, and then to keep them locked. I also told her to report the TV stolen... my thought was even if it wasn't a legal theft, it could somehow pay off to have a report done on the incident. She wants to apply for a restraining order against him later this week.

    So, you're an Officer in her part of town... what should she do in her situation and under what circumstances should she call you?

    Thanks, everyone. It's much appreciated.

    Columbus

  • #2
    No clue what North Carolina's marriage laws are like, but down here I'd tell her... "Move out, take what you want with you, file for divorce and don't tell him where you've moved to until the court requires it for child custody". It's not theft as it's community property between the married couple. Moving is going to be the best chance at getting away from him for a while.

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    • #3
      What cannady said. If he lives there, she has no basis to tell him to not come back, absent a DVI/RO. Depending on the judge, the DVI/RO could be a stretch if he hasnt done anything to either of them. If he has, different story.

      Like Cannady said, she needs to just move out, file for divorce and call it a loss (if you really could call that situation a loss, that is).

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      • #4
        Pretty much what they said also a restraining order would be able to keep him away during the court proceedings and such.
        The Few, The Proud, The Marines...

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        • #5
          Here in TX, if you are married, what is hers is his and what is his is hers. It is a civil matter and nothing criminal in nature about it. She and her son need to move out, with whatever belongings she can bring, and file for a divorce.

          At this point in time, it isn't a police matter.

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          • #6
            If he shows up to the house strung out on whatever it is he's doing, could she possibly call the police on him as some sort of child endangerment issue or would that be too much of a stretch?
            Last edited by Columbus; 10-01-2013, 09:19 AM.

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            • #7
              Here, she can't keep him out of the house and she can't keep him from removing property.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by just joe View Post
                Here, she can't keep him out of the house and she can't keep him from removing property.
                Ok, thanks. I actually live in Ohio now so that applies.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Cannady View Post
                  No clue what North Carolina's marriage laws are like, but down here I'd tell her... "Move out, take what you want with you, file for divorce and don't tell him where you've moved to until the court requires it for child custody". It's not theft as it's community property between the married couple. Moving is going to be the best chance at getting away from him for a while.

                  It'd be community property here in NC, as well. Though I see OP says he lives in Ohio now.

                  Would probably be pretty easy to get an ex-parte protection order on him if she feels like she's in danger because of his past actions/current drug use. That's usually the first step around here.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Columbus View Post
                    If he shows up to the house strung out on whatever it is he's doing, could she possibly call the police on him as some sort of child endangerment issue or would that be too much of a stretch?
                    Not unless he's doing something that actually endangers the child. Simply being high won't cut it.

                    Protection order is about the only way you're going to give us an enforcement option as long as they are still married.
                    I miss you, Dave.
                    http://www.odmp.org/officer/20669-of...david-s.-moore

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by CruiserClass View Post
                      Not unless he's doing something that actually endangers the child. Simply being high won't cut it.

                      Protection order is about the only way you're going to give us an enforcement option as long as they are still married.
                      Yep. Unless he is doing something dangerous like waiving a pistol around, no. Besides, the kid is 16, so we are not talking about an infant that needs cared for. Is he bringing drugs and paraphernalia into the home or is he just showing up high?
                      Last edited by just joe; 10-01-2013, 12:25 PM.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by fabolous084 View Post
                        Pretty much what they said also a restraining order would be able to keep him away during the court proceedings and such.
                        Most judges in Iowa are not going to give a restraining order unless there is physical violence

                        Originally posted by dgtx42 View Post
                        Here in TX, if you are married, what is hers is his and what is his is hers. It is a civil matter and nothing criminal in nature about it. She and her son need to move out, with whatever belongings she can bring, and file for a divorce.

                        At this point in time, it isn't a police matter.
                        Originally posted by just joe View Post
                        Here, she can't keep him out of the house and she can't keep him from removing property.
                        ^^^^ Both of the above are true in Iowa
                        My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

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                        • #13
                          The child would have to be 14 or younger for child endangerment.... Or at least here in TX, they would. But being high alone is not child endangerment.

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