Little advice please

[joseph83]

First off thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Just a little bit about myself. I am 28 years old. I spent nine years eight months in the corp. got out on a hardship discharge, my only living family at the time (brother) came down with cancer and i had to leave to take care of him. I did 4 tours over seas in that time. I loved my service with all my heart but that stage in my life is "past".

Now i am about to be attending college minor in C.J. major in psychology. I have a 3 month old daughter now and a wife. I am trying to become a LEO due to the fact i enjoy helping people and its the best way i know how. I working as "mall cop" right now part time due to my family has to eat. It is a means to an end.

Now my question: I have wanted to be a LEO sense i was a child, well my family ( being my brother) supports it one hundred percent. My in-law's on the other hand are against it, due to the fact my mother-in-law father was a LEO and she claims he was mean to her because of it. ( i only know her side of it not his.) I know it is a choice for me and my wife but i trying to keep the in-laws civil as well.

Any advice on how i can get my point across about "I am not her father" kinda speech?

P.S. I know my grammar and spelling are far from the best. i am taking 4 classes on grammar and essays to improve upon my weakness in the subject.

Again thank you for the time to read the wall of text.

with respect
Joseph

[FJDave]

First, I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Condolences. Also, thank you for your dedicated service (although I'm sure every Marine in the world knows how to spell "Corps" ). And I'd like to congratulate you on noticing you have a problem with spelling and grammar and are taking positive steps to correct the issue.

As for your in-laws, you will probably not be able to change their minds with words. It may take you getting hired and working for a while to show them you are not her father. But be prepared for some tense family gatherings. You are not going to keep everyone in your family happy all the time. Just do what you know is best for you and your immediate family.

[PhilipCal]

Okay Joseph, let's deal with the in-laws first. Forget them. They don't count, and should have ZERO influence in your decision to apply. Secondly. What is the current situation with your Brother? Is he now able to care for himself, or does he still require you as a caregiver? My sense is, that as long as the character of your Discharge is "Honorable" you have a shot. However, I urge you not to simply take my word for that, but to check with a Recruiter or some knowledgeable person at an agency which interests you.Best of luck, and many thanks for your service.

[Michigan]

First, thank you for your service. Second, we don't see many like you on here, it's too bad.

I'll tell you what I did with my wife.. 7 years ago. I wasn't a cop yet but understood there was a possibility that I could "change" due to what I would encounter on a daily basis. At least that's what I was told. Regardless, I told my wife (fiance) at the time, "you come first, if the job ever interferes with our relationship/marriage I'll quit". I meant it and I still do today. Fortunately, my wife from the beginning fully supported me then and still does today. I assume if her parents heard that, then maybe they would know that your priorities are straight. However, if you don't feel that way, don't say it.

Have I become more cynical? You bet I have... but you control who you are, what you do and how you treat people- especially your family.

Make a commitment now to yourself and to her that you'll seek counseling if you need it, that you'll always have an open line of communication and that you'll always be honest with each other. Read as many books as you can on the subject regarding what kinds of things you can expect on the job and in your family life. I don't remember all of the book titles..... (love a cop, on combat, etc)

Be prepared for the worst and expect the best. In the end, actions will speak louder than words.

Good luck.

[joseph83]

(although I'm sure every Marine in the world knows how to spell "Corps" ). .

LOL I just noticed the mistake but the rule on not editing your post. I was focused more on keeping grammar and spelling right I messed up something I would normally not.

[joseph83]

Okay Joseph, let's deal with the in-laws first. Forget them. They don't count, and should have ZERO influence in your decision to apply. Secondly. What is the current situation with your Brother? Is he now able to care for himself, or does he still require you as a caregiver? My sense is, that as long as the character of your Discharge is "Honorable" you have a shot. However, I urge you not to simply take my word for that, but to check with a Recruiter or some knowledgeable person at an agency which interests you.Best of luck, and many thanks for your service.

My brother now is off treatment starting to gain weight back. He no longer needs my time.

As for my discharge hardship discharge is a honorable. I will be calling the recruiters the closer i come to graduating. at this point I do not care were in the states I go for the LEO job. I have never had a place i call home.

Only reason i care what my in-laws think is because i trying to keep my wifes stress level down:P. her family all ready hates me, because i am a combat vet. they claim i am damaged goods. her words " no one comes back from a war zone and doesnt have problems". I told her everyone combat vet or not goes through life with out a problem or two.

thank yall for the replies. I will just keep my head down and keep pressing forward. If the in-laws give my wife too much problems I will just have to be very blunt and re-enforce the fact they are stuck with me for life and to get past it. I guess i am trying to use a soft approach and kill them with kindness. much easier to kill someone with force. LOL JK

[joseph83]

First, thank you for your service. Second, we don't see many like you on here, it's too bad.

I'll tell you what I did with my wife.. 7 years ago. I wasn't a cop yet but understood there was a possibility that I could "change" due to what I would encounter on a daily basis. At least that's what I was told. Regardless, I told my wife (fiance) at the time, "you come first, if the job ever interferes with our relationship/marriage I'll quit". I meant it and I still do today. Fortunately, my wife from the beginning fully supported me then and still does today. I assume if her parents heard that, then maybe they would know that your priorities are straight. However, if you don't feel that way, don't say it.

Have I become more cynical? You bet I have... but you control who you are, what you do and how you treat people- especially your family.

Make a commitment now to yourself and to her that you'll seek counseling if you need it, that you'll always have an open line of communication and that you'll always be honest with each other. Read as many books as you can on the subject regarding what kinds of things you can expect on the job and in your family life. I don't remember all of the book titles..... (love a cop, on combat, etc)

Be prepared for the worst and expect the best. In the end, actions will speak louder than words.

Good luck.

I told my wife many times ( when the talk about rejoining the Marines comes up, that it is both our call and we will come to an agreement or it will be a no-go) that its not just my life anymore i put on the line it is ours ( me her and Alore < my 3month old daughter) with the in-laws i pretty sure i [email protected] if i do [email protected] if i don't:P.

[Smurfette_76]

You cannot change others; you can only change your reaction to them. I don't think your decision is any of their business. As for not being able to go through combat without having problems, you can tell Mrs. Holier-than-thou that *I* said no one can live life w/o problems. Since she obviously doesn't respect you or your relationship with her daughter, I woudln't waste any sleep over what she thinks about your decisions.

[SRT936]

Since she obviously doesn't respect you or your relationship with her daughter, I woudln't waste any sleep over what she thinks about your decisions.

^^^^This is your answer. Clearly the in-laws will find fault with you no matter what you do. You could be suddenly be named Pope and they'd have a problem with the whole Catholic thing. Do what's right for you and yours.

As far as law enforcement changing you, if you survived 4 tours overseas, you can survive the streets without too much of a problem. Semper Fi.

[SgtCHP]

First, thank you for your service to our country. Now, I will tell you this: You are not providing a life for your in-laws. You are supporting your own family. It is essential that you perform your task of providing for that family and make certain there are certain minimal issues you offer them - insurance, family time, love, compassion, etc. Just let your in-laws express their opinions, thank them and move on to where you want to go. It's your life, your immediate family and your job. Do what you and your wife agree on.

[joseph83]

You cannot change others; you can only change your reaction to them. I don't think your decision is any of their business. As for not being able to go through combat without having problems, you can tell Mrs. Holier-than-thou that *I* said no one can live life w/o problems. Since she obviously doesn't respect you or your relationship with her daughter, I woudln't waste any sleep over what she thinks about your decisions.

She hate anyone that has a mind and thinks for them selves < she is anti-gov > but i love my wife and daughter and she will learn in time that she is suck with me. I am not going anywhere. ( I hope to get a LEO job out of the area:P). I grew up with no family unit to speak of. With that being said i not crying about it because i got ALOT of brother that are not blood. I got a very large family.

speaking of which I been looking at volunteering for C.A.S.A. for two reasons. One it will help me get a LEO job, and two gives back to those that have helped me in the past.

Any advice you all have on what will help me land a job in LEO, besides the collage i am all ready attending. i would love to hear. any thing that will give me "brownie points".

Criminal background: never arrested or detained, got two speeding tickets both are my fault, paid fines on them both and its been about year on one of them and 10 years on the other. Got another ticket for not having proof of insurance in my truck, was dropped because i did bring proof to D.A. ( i not making excuses i did fix the problem second i got home i printed off a new copy of proof)

My credit score sucks right now, working on paying off all depts. will take me another two years to finish paying them all off.

i had a contact high once (in the military went with friends to Amsterdamn informed my chain of command, never got into any trouble about it, but told my chain so if there was to be any punishment i would accept it.

I got one L.O.R. while in the military when i was 19 for failing room inspection. I left my dress shoes on my table from polishing them.

again thank you for reading. i know i type walls of text. i been doing a lot of research on the site in the last week. I have learned a lot. I hope i am not posting too much at one time.

[PhilipCal]

You cannot change others; you can only change your reaction to them. I don't think your decision is any of their business. As for not being able to go through combat without having problems, you can tell Mrs. Holier-than-thou that *I* said no one can live life w/o problems. Since she obviously doesn't respect you or your relationship with her daughter, I woudln't waste any sleep over what she thinks about your decisions.

Absolutely..........X-2

[joseph83]

Tthank you all for all the good input and advice. I look forward to standing in line with you all in blue. ( in the next 2 years once credit paid off and school is done)

[WI Ranger]

Good luck with everything, and I for one, would be honored to work with you.

[joseph83]

I been on google all night doing research :P but it is a very useful tool.