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  • Those who are married or have been....

    I just graduated from the police academy and passed my state exam, so did my fiance. We both went to the same academy and new eachother before we started it. I have heard that being "married" or in a "relationship" with a cop is difficult and unfortunately we have high divorce rates. My question is, will it be different with my partner and I, because we are both in the law enforcement field? What type of battles will we both encounter as a couple, and which ones will we probably not have to worry about? I just finished reading the Thread of the new LEO wife, but I feel like I needed a seperate thread since we are both entering the law enforcement field.

    Thanks in advance!!!
    "A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."-Dennis Miller

  • #2
    Two rookies getting married and just starting out? Yikes. Not a position I'd want to be in; it's not impossible, but please...if you two start having issues, don't be too proud to seek counseling. Y'all are about to go through major changes.
    sigpic

    I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

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    • #3
      Being a Cop and being married is not difficult as long as you dont take yourself so seriously. Realize that when your off duty your OFF DUTY... and its family time do something different with non cops.

      However, being 2 rookies... I would wait unti your both off Probabtion and maybe 1 year on the job before you get married. See how or if personalities change

      Comment


      • #4
        It's not an issue if you don't make it an issue. When you're at home, you should be in husband/father mode. Not cop mode. I see no reason a mature, committed, communication filled relationship between the two of you should suffer just because cops traditionally get divorced a lot.

        If your marriage can't survive this job, then it wasn't meant to be anyway and would have ended eventually anyway.
        Originally posted by K40
        To me, open carry is the equivalent of the couple making out and groping each other at the food court in the mall. Yeah, they are probably legal, as long as they don't start getting undressed. But they are still social retards.
        ‎"You go for a man hard enough and fast enough, he don't have time to think about how many's with him; he thinks about himself, and how he might get clear of that wrath that's about to set down on him." - Rooster Cogburn

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        • #5
          She is going to leave you for your seargent and you will get caught with one of your dispatchers.

          Other than that you should have a great marriage.

          All joking asside...

          If she is your fiance I would suggest holding off getting married until after both of you have been on the job for at least a year. If the two of you can make it past that when your not married you should do fine afterwards.

          If you do this I would suggest you don't get anything jointly until your trial run is over.

          I hate to sound doom and gloom but it's a fact with LE work. It takes a special woman to put up with a cop. It takes even more of a special man to put up with a cop wife. Put the two togethor and....you can do the math.
          Due to the Juvenile bickering and annoying trolling committed by members of this forum I have started an igore list. If your name is listed below I can't see you.

          CityCopDC, Fire Moose, Carbonfiberfoot, Damiansolomon

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          • #6
            Long ago, a fellow classmate was warned of this by our Sgt. & he didn't listen ---- they were divorced after about 3 years of marriage. Now I know it's only one case, and "but we're different", blah,blah, blah. You know what? You're not--- you have the same hopes, dreams & goals for your life & career as the rest of us (thst's partly why you both became cops) so THAT argument doesn't hold water. Police work is the same the World over, so your working environment isn't any different, so why would you expect different results? " I've heard "stupid" defined as doing the same thing over & over and expecting a different result. Since cop/cop marriages are known for higher failure rates, why do it? All this being said & assuming you won't listen (why should you, this is, after all only a website) what can you expect?
            You getting hit on by females you come in contact with, citizen or official complaints that'll stress you out & make you short-tempered or paranoid, possible alcoholism, oddball work schedule, physical deterioration ( years in a patrol car simply ain't good), change of personality (common but not always), possible career-ending injuries, departmental politics, lousy assignments, being someone's b***h on the job, AND THESE ARE JUST THE COMMON PROBLEMS! Now couple all this with the fact your fiance'/ wife is subjected to the same thing along with the fact she probably WILL be hit-on by someone in the Dept (yeah, usually her boss) and you see a formula for disaster---and I didn't even mention the family side of potential problems.
            Sorry, I sincerely wish you the best in your career, but IMO marrying a fellow officer is simply a recipe for disaster....

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            • #7
              I saw this played out at my agency. Two rookies were hired. They'd gone through the same agency and didn't tell anyone they got married after the hiring process but right before they began their first day. So anywho, she's a cute little thing, he's a former marine. She smoked his *** going through training period. She advanced faster, caught on quicker and despite her size was actually all around better. Did I mention she was cute? Lots of the single Officers thought so too. Now from what I saw, she played her cards straight and didn't give them the time of day...but it evenutally came out...when he quit and she did too. I went to her and asked why she left when she was doing so well. Hubby told her to.

              Yeah. I reckon y'all know what I think about that mess.

              So not only will you have the normal pressures of a new career, but a new marriage, too. Uhm. Gonna be hard.
              sigpic

              I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks everyone for your input. Ill be honest in saying this is not at all what I expected. I actually expected it to be good things. We actually both already decided that we wil not be applying to the same agencies. Too many problmes can arise form that, and we would like to avoid them. But I will be taking into consideration what some of you have said.

                Thanks again
                "A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."-Dennis Miller

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                • #9
                  Keep an open line of communication. As stated above, when you are off duty, you are OFF DUTY. Don't carry the job home with you. My wife works for a different jurisdiction so we discuss different cases that our respective departments are handling...that is the only time the job comes up at home. Hopefully you two will be on seperate shifts.
                  Hey, I might be a Chief at work but I know who the Boss is at home!

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by LAChief View Post
                    Keep an open line of communication. As stated above, when you are off duty, you are OFF DUTY. Don't carry the job home with you. My wife works for a different jurisdiction so we discuss different cases that our respective departments are handling...that is the only time the job comes up at home. Hopefully you two will be on seperate shifts.
                    Hey, I might be a Chief at work but I know who the Boss is at home!
                    Why do you recommend that we have different shifts? I figured same shifts but different departments would be good because we would still have time for "us". Thanks for all the advice.
                    "A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."-Dennis Miller

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                    • #11
                      Time for my meds again...
                      I thought that I had read that you two were working for the same department but after going back and re-reading, I was mistaken. Sure, as long as you two are on the same shift, but different departments, I don't see a problem with that. Might be the only time that you two would have time together.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by leesrt View Post
                        She is going to leave you for your seargent and you will get caught with one of your dispatchers.

                        Other than that you should have a great marriage.

                        All joking asside...

                        If she is your fiance I would suggest holding off getting married until after both of you have been on the job for at least a year. If the two of you can make it past that when your not married you should do fine afterwards.

                        If you do this I would suggest you don't get anything jointly until your trial run is over.

                        I hate to sound doom and gloom but it's a fact with LE work. It takes a special woman to put up with a cop. It takes even more of a special man to put up with a cop wife. Put the two togethor and....you can do the math.
                        +1

                        Sad but true :/

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I looked for stats but I couldn't find any. The last I read, cop / cop marriages were close to a 100 percent divorce rate. I wish you the best but be careful.


                          Edited later:
                          I looked some more and this is all I could find on police divorce rates.

                          "The national divorce rate is 50%. All research shows police suffer a substantially higher divorce rate with estimates ranging from 60 to 75%. " It was on the internet so it must be true.
                          Last edited by PRESSHRD5COPIES; 10-29-2009, 02:59 PM.
                          I have the heart of a child..................................No really, it is in a jar on my desk.

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                          • #14
                            We have had several cop+cop marriages go bad. We also have several that are still going strong after more than ten/twenty years. While both of you being in the profession will create some problems, it will also help you to understand each other better. If you love your fiance, marry them and get ready for some work, just like with any marriage. Be extra sure you don't make the typical cop mistake of holding everything inside; communication will be paramount.

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                            • #15
                              I think what happens to most cop marriages is the type A personality wants to control all of the time. When two type A's (as is typical for cops) get together it can be hard. I am often told by the wife that, "your not at work." It is her gentle reminder to shut the F up and let her handle a few things.
                              But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new guards for their future security.

                              For the intelectually challenged: If the government screws the people enough, it is the right and responsibility of the people to revolt and form a new government.

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