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Any Advice? New LEO Wife

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  • LEO Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by 11b101abn View Post
    Blackhorse is on the dang money.

    Be supportive, but not prying.

    Allow for decompression after a tour.

    Listen, allow him to vent on occasion.

    Pursue hobbies that have zip to do w/LE, but that strengthen your bond.

    Know that at first, he will center his very existence around the job. You, need to keep him centered, and guide his focus back on your family.

    DO NOT jst be some arm candy. You have a say on what does or does not happen in your marriage, no matter what the job says. Family first.



    This is all great advice! Thank you!

    Leave a comment:


  • LEO Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by 5031OKC View Post
    One thing I've never understood is this whole thing with people dumping their friends over time and eventually hanging out with pretty much nothing but other officers. I don't hang out with anyone from the department while I'm off duty, at least not on a regular basis. My wife and I may do something with another couple every great once in a while, but we spend most of our time hanging out with the same people we've always hung out with.
    It will be interesting to see how that plays out. My husband has never been one to hang out with people from work. Afterall, he is with them all day. However, I think in this career, it may be different. I would think police officers have more of a connection with the people they work with than most other jobs?

    Leave a comment:


  • 5031OKC
    replied
    One thing I've never understood is this whole thing with people dumping their friends over time and eventually hanging out with pretty much nothing but other officers. I don't hang out with anyone from the department while I'm off duty, at least not on a regular basis. My wife and I may do something with another couple every great once in a while, but we spend most of our time hanging out with the same people we've always hung out with.

    Leave a comment:


  • 11b101abn
    replied
    Blackhorse is on the dang money.

    Be supportive, but not prying.

    Allow for decompression after a tour.

    Listen, allow him to vent on occasion.

    Pursue hobbies that have zip to do w/LE, but that strengthen your bond.

    Know that at first, he will center his very existence around the job. You, need to keep him centered, and guide his focus back on your family.

    DO NOT jst be some arm candy. You have a say on what does or does not happen in your marriage, no matter what the job says. Family first.

    Leave a comment:


  • blackhorse
    replied
    LEO Wife - you mention a couple times that you and your husband talk all the time. I think this is going to be the biggest issue you and he will face in his/your career. I will absolutely guarantee you there will be times when he comes home and won't say a word. There are things we see on the streets that bother us. It takes a while to digest it and to work it out in our minds for ourselves before we're ready to talk about it. You can't take that personal. Understand he's probably questioning his decision to be a cop, he's trying to comprehend what/why/how things he sees happen.

    In my career in the military, I served in some places that would make the average man cry, and I have. I have questioned the existence of God and my faith has been shaken to it's foundation. But even through a couple wars and all the destruction I've seen and been a part of did not prepare me for some of the things I've seen as a deputy sheriff. You can't begin to comprehend some of the things he will see as a cop. It's going to stiffen his resolve and it's going to cause him to withdraw into himself because he doesn't want you to know the truth of what he's seen and what he has to deal with.

    For me and many in this profession it is dealing with the horrors that happen with little children. How people can be so cruel to the innocent is beyond comprehension. I won't go into it any further than that, but know he's going to have to deal with it. He will gravitate to his fellow officers, because without saying so, they've been there and done that, they know what he's got to go through. They will become his support base. Be there for him, but don't push too much. Like That Guy said, you may notice him losing touch with non-LE friends. Again, that's the nature of this business. His friends will see him changing over time. But you are joining a very close knit family who will do things together and for each other like you've never seen before. However hard it is, you need to be part of that. You're continued happiness depends on it. Many wives won't and that's why we have the highest divorce rate in the US today.

    Let me end by saying congratulations to you and your husband as you both start on this new and exciting career and welcome to the "Thin Blue Line".

    Leave a comment:


  • LEO Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by That Guy View Post
    My wife didn't like the book either. Her opinion was that it allowed the husband to get a free pass. Plus it is outdated. Whatever. One thing I haven't seen mentioned is that its best to keep work separate from your personal lives. Don't get caught up hanging out only with cops and doing cop things all the time. It will be hard to keep non-cop friends but do your best.
    Anyway good luck.

    TGY

    Thank you! He will certainly not get a free pass, no matter what book I read!! I bought the "revised" edition, so I hope it is updated! I have heard a lot that it is important to keep non-LE friends and we will do our best!!

    Leave a comment:


  • That Guy
    replied
    My wife didn't like the book either. Her opinion was that it allowed the husband to get a free pass. Plus it is outdated. Whatever. One thing I haven't seen mentioned is that its best to keep work separate from your personal lives. Don't get caught up hanging out only with cops and doing cop things all the time. It will be hard to keep non-cop friends but do your best.
    Anyway good luck.

    TGY

    Leave a comment:


  • LEO Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by phillyrube View Post
    There is a wives support group out there called Behind The badge.com.


    Thank you...found it!
    Last edited by LEO Wife; 10-14-2009, 04:28 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • LEO Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by Smurfette_76 View Post
    LEO wife...read it. Different strokes for different folks. I applaud you for wanting to understand your husbands career. You have nothing to lose by reading it.

    Well, it will be here tomorrow! So, I guess I will read it and if I don't like it, I never have to read it again. : )

    I took some LE courses in college, so I know a little about what goes on. And, they talked about the changes he may go through and all that at the graduation. I guess tonight is a "welcome to the family" sort of party? So, I think we get a lot of information there.

    I think the first year will be tough, but once we're in a routine, I think everything will be great!

    Leave a comment:


  • Smurfette_76
    replied
    LEO wife...read it. Different strokes for different folks. I applaud you for wanting to understand your husbands career. You have nothing to lose by reading it.

    Leave a comment:


  • phillyrube
    replied
    There is a wives support group out there called Behind The badge.com.

    Leave a comment:


  • LEO Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by Smurfette_76 View Post
    I didn't like it either, TC. Found it patronizing.

    Someone please elaborate!! I am not going to like this book...am I? Oh well, I will read through a little and if I don't like it, I will recycle it! : )

    Leave a comment:


  • LEO Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by jamesrm View Post
    If he gets home and goes right to the shower, tossing the uniform in the washer on the way, a nice back massage would probably go a long way


    Yes, he gets a back massage when he wants one. He deserves it!

    Leave a comment:


  • jamesrm
    replied
    If he gets home and goes right to the shower, tossing the uniform in the washer on the way, a nice back massage would probably go a long way

    Leave a comment:


  • Smurfette_76
    replied
    I didn't like it either, TC. Found it patronizing.

    Leave a comment:

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