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Any Advice? New LEO Wife

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  • #16
    Originally posted by CruiserClass View Post
    Give him time to decompress when he gets home. If he says he doesn't want to talk, don't take it personally and don't push him to talk about it yet. Give him some time to shake off the crap he dealt with.

    Don't bombard him with house problems the instance he gets home. Again, let him shake off work problems first.


    HAHA...that is hilarious to me because I never get a chance to speak when he comes home. He will talk about his day for hours because he is just so excited. However, that may change depending on the stuff he has to deal with on the streets. I just cannot imagine him not talking! : )

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    • #17
      Originally posted by fleetguy View Post
      Let him sleep, nothing gets on my nerves more than when my wife wants me to get up before noon.


      We don't know what his schedule will be like after FTO, but we know we may have to get some better window treatments if he has to try and sleep during the day. I work all day, so I won't be home asking him to get up (and on my off days, I'll probably find something to do away from the home)! I may have a problem with my kitties trying to wake him up though!!

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      • #18
        Originally posted by towncop View Post
        My wife hated that book "I Love a Cop." Cracks me up whenever I see it mentioned on here.

        Care to elaborate? Why did your wife hate that book?

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        • #19
          I didn't like it either, TC. Found it patronizing.
          sigpic

          I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

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          • #20
            If he gets home and goes right to the shower, tossing the uniform in the washer on the way, a nice back massage would probably go a long way

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            • #21
              Originally posted by jamesrm View Post
              If he gets home and goes right to the shower, tossing the uniform in the washer on the way, a nice back massage would probably go a long way


              Yes, he gets a back massage when he wants one. He deserves it!

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Smurfette_76 View Post
                I didn't like it either, TC. Found it patronizing.

                Someone please elaborate!! I am not going to like this book...am I? Oh well, I will read through a little and if I don't like it, I will recycle it! : )

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                • #23
                  There is a wives support group out there called Behind The badge.com.

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                  • #24
                    LEO wife...read it. Different strokes for different folks. I applaud you for wanting to understand your husbands career. You have nothing to lose by reading it.
                    sigpic

                    I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Smurfette_76 View Post
                      LEO wife...read it. Different strokes for different folks. I applaud you for wanting to understand your husbands career. You have nothing to lose by reading it.

                      Well, it will be here tomorrow! So, I guess I will read it and if I don't like it, I never have to read it again. : )

                      I took some LE courses in college, so I know a little about what goes on. And, they talked about the changes he may go through and all that at the graduation. I guess tonight is a "welcome to the family" sort of party? So, I think we get a lot of information there.

                      I think the first year will be tough, but once we're in a routine, I think everything will be great!

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by phillyrube View Post
                        There is a wives support group out there called Behind The badge.com.


                        Thank you...found it!
                        Last edited by LEO Wife; 10-14-2009, 04:28 PM.

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                        • #27
                          My wife didn't like the book either. Her opinion was that it allowed the husband to get a free pass. Plus it is outdated. Whatever. One thing I haven't seen mentioned is that its best to keep work separate from your personal lives. Don't get caught up hanging out only with cops and doing cop things all the time. It will be hard to keep non-cop friends but do your best.
                          Anyway good luck.

                          TGY
                          Disclaimer: The writer does not represent any organization, employer, entity or other individual. The views expressed are those only of the writer. In the case of a sarcastic, facetious, nonsensical, stirring-the-pot, controversial or devil's advocate-type post, the views expressed may not even reflect those of the writer [This sig stolen from Brickcop who stole it from Frank Booth].

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by That Guy View Post
                            My wife didn't like the book either. Her opinion was that it allowed the husband to get a free pass. Plus it is outdated. Whatever. One thing I haven't seen mentioned is that its best to keep work separate from your personal lives. Don't get caught up hanging out only with cops and doing cop things all the time. It will be hard to keep non-cop friends but do your best.
                            Anyway good luck.

                            TGY

                            Thank you! He will certainly not get a free pass, no matter what book I read!! I bought the "revised" edition, so I hope it is updated! I have heard a lot that it is important to keep non-LE friends and we will do our best!!

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                            • #29
                              LEO Wife - you mention a couple times that you and your husband talk all the time. I think this is going to be the biggest issue you and he will face in his/your career. I will absolutely guarantee you there will be times when he comes home and won't say a word. There are things we see on the streets that bother us. It takes a while to digest it and to work it out in our minds for ourselves before we're ready to talk about it. You can't take that personal. Understand he's probably questioning his decision to be a cop, he's trying to comprehend what/why/how things he sees happen.

                              In my career in the military, I served in some places that would make the average man cry, and I have. I have questioned the existence of God and my faith has been shaken to it's foundation. But even through a couple wars and all the destruction I've seen and been a part of did not prepare me for some of the things I've seen as a deputy sheriff. You can't begin to comprehend some of the things he will see as a cop. It's going to stiffen his resolve and it's going to cause him to withdraw into himself because he doesn't want you to know the truth of what he's seen and what he has to deal with.

                              For me and many in this profession it is dealing with the horrors that happen with little children. How people can be so cruel to the innocent is beyond comprehension. I won't go into it any further than that, but know he's going to have to deal with it. He will gravitate to his fellow officers, because without saying so, they've been there and done that, they know what he's got to go through. They will become his support base. Be there for him, but don't push too much. Like That Guy said, you may notice him losing touch with non-LE friends. Again, that's the nature of this business. His friends will see him changing over time. But you are joining a very close knit family who will do things together and for each other like you've never seen before. However hard it is, you need to be part of that. You're continued happiness depends on it. Many wives won't and that's why we have the highest divorce rate in the US today.

                              Let me end by saying congratulations to you and your husband as you both start on this new and exciting career and welcome to the "Thin Blue Line".

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Blackhorse is on the dang money.

                                Be supportive, but not prying.

                                Allow for decompression after a tour.

                                Listen, allow him to vent on occasion.

                                Pursue hobbies that have zip to do w/LE, but that strengthen your bond.

                                Know that at first, he will center his very existence around the job. You, need to keep him centered, and guide his focus back on your family.

                                DO NOT jst be some arm candy. You have a say on what does or does not happen in your marriage, no matter what the job says. Family first.

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