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  • Dating LEOs, but NOT a BB.

    I have a question, but first some background info. I am a 38 yo woman living near Philadelphia. In the past 4 years since my marriage has ended, I have dated a broad enough spectrum of men to know whose meters I peg and who pegs mine (basically the antithesis of my ex-husband). Currently (as of the past 2 years), it seems the vast majority of men I seem to attract are either police officers, federal agents, corrections officers, military officers or retired above. It should be noted that while I apparently have a proclivity for a man in a uniform, I have NEVER ONCE approached or pursued a man actually in said uniform or ever even knowing he was a LEO, they pursue me. Their job is revealed to me only after fairly long conversations at the bar or at the gym, and usually after we are actually on a date. And I have only actually given my number to a handful of them (maybe 5), so I don't really know anyone's names or coworkers, etc.

    To that end, I understand attraction is based on mutuality-- therefore, I would not be attracting men I wasn't giving "signals" to; however, there have been instances where I have literally been "knocked into" gentleman who are LEOs. It is so predictable that it has become a running joke amongst my friends. The problem is, I am not amused. I do not like being referred to as a "holster sniffer", "badge buffer" or the likes; I find it demeaning. Furthermore, they insist that my lack of quality relationships is because I'm dating men whom they imply are emotionally unavailable due to the nature of their work. For the longest time if I found out someone held such a position, I would immediately dismiss them as viable dating material simply because I was embarrassed and even fearful that is all I could attract or my friends were right. Since then, I have learned to embrace it, as it is what it is. And sure, if I want to go out and have a conversation, I'm much more likely to go somewhere they might be. And if refused them on the basis of profession, I'd probably be spending a lot of time at home. While I've admittedly yet to have a successful relationship with a LEO, I've never once had a bad date with one. And I have had PLENTY of bad dates.

    I think one of the main reasons I am attracted to LEOs is that they are honestly (IMHO, anyway) some of the most secure men out there. Call it self-confidence, arrogance, machismo...real, or put-on...whatever...I am the female counterpart of that. For their swagger I have a matching sashay. I am educated (a professor), jacked (I'm a power-lifter), successful (I own my own business), independent and not entirely uneasy on the eyes. VERY FEW men approach me, and those that do have hearty self-esteems. And being a powerful woman is not easy in today's society; I need an uberpowerful man.

    My question(s) for the community are as follows:

    1. I have seen this asked in this forum before, but are my friends correct? Am I merely a badge bunny in denial? Does the fact that you attract/date cops (even if you don't know they're cops before you date them) instantaneously make you one?

    Furthermore, are the majority of single or divorced LEOs my age/area simply players? Should I not be expecting a quality relationship? Is it is possible, is it because I am meeting the majority of them in pubs/bars etc (I'm Irish, what can I say)?

    2. How do I sensitively navigate the issue of having dated cops before without seeming like a badge bunny? I have to admit, I get a weird look on my face when they tell me what they do. I guess I shouldn't be surprised at this point. While there is speculation that cops mainly date educators (like myself) and nurses, for some reason there isn't the same reverse prejudice. There's no such term as a "teacher toucher" or "nurse nuzzler." The only thing worse than being teased by my friends is my date thinking I'm some kind of fetishist.

    I ask this question in sincerity, so I don't need to be mocked or offers of "lessons" or the likes as the last person who posted something similar.

  • #2
    to me a badge bunny is not someone who has actually dated a few cops. a badge bunny sleeps around with many cops or will sleep with u cause ur a cop. I know a girl who has slept with at least 10 cops I know no relationships just hook-ups. Thats a badge bunny!!! u r not! U seem like a normal respectable woman who happens to meet those who are cops, ect.

    Comment


    • #3
      Why would the occupation of the man, except of course for a low-life crook, matter? If you want to date a man (or woman) in uniform, that is your option. Don't let misguided friends dictate how you should live your social life.

      Dating a cop, firefighter, service member, etc., while not in the upper echelon of the community, is certainly not something to be ashamed about. At least they are out there doing for the community with the lesser compensation than a (God forbid) lawyer, doctor, business man, etc.

      The professions are honorable, somewhat exciting and compensated at median income.

      Go out there and have a ball. If I were single, and you were available, I would certainly entertain the thought of commiserating with you and evening or two.

      Good luck to you. Enjoy your life! It is far too short to worry about this sort of thing.
      Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence!

      [George Washington (1732 - 1799)]

      Comment


      • #4
        Your post indicates a very high level of intelligence, and a solid record of achievement. So, with all of that, I'm a little curious as to why you're approaching us. My thought is that you should be very careful in your dates, and date men who appeal to you, regardless of their profession. You've no doubt discovered that there are no guarantees out there. Be discriminating, maintain your seemingly high standards. If a Cop, Armed Forces Officer, etc, doesn't measure up to those standards, send him on his way. There could be a cab driver, locomotive engineer,a computer geek, out there, who's just what your're looking for.

        Comment


        • #5
          I'd agree with all of the above. It might be time for you to either find new friends that don't judge you for who you are or find a different bar or gym. It seems as if you are where a lot of single cops hang out....bars and gyms.

          Comment


          • #6
            If you don't consider yourself a badge bunny, then why do you care what others think about you? You can't stop what other people think and the precedent before you is well documented.

            As for if they are all players. Well. No. I don't think you can make that generalization about a group of people like that. Are they playing you? If they are, that's about you. You're attracting a certain type of man and the one thing all those failed relationships have in common is you.

            What I'm saying to you is to do what makes you happy. There are stereotypes that may or may not be "fair" or right, but...what's fair and right in this world? If you're not, you're not. How can you have all that going for you and give a tinkers damn what people think?
            sigpic

            I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

            Comment


            • #7
              I think you just have to get out of South Jersey!

              Comment


              • #8
                If you're going to start a thread like this, you're supposed to post a picture of yourself. I'm going to be hearing Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" all day now....

                Should I not be expecting a quality relationship?
                Depends what you need in a "quality relationship".
                Last edited by On The; 10-01-2009, 04:54 PM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by JenInNJ View Post
                  I have a question, but first some background info. I am a 38 yo woman living near Philadelphia. In the past 4 years since my marriage has ended, I have dated a broad enough spectrum of men to know whose meters I peg and who pegs mine (basically the antithesis of my ex-husband). Currently (as of the past 2 years), it seems the vast majority of men I seem to attract are either police officers, federal agents, corrections officers, military officers or retired above. It should be noted that while I apparently have a proclivity for a man in a uniform, I have NEVER ONCE approached or pursued a man actually in said uniform or ever even knowing he was a LEO, they pursue me. Their job is revealed to me only after fairly long conversations at the bar or at the gym, and usually after we are actually on a date. And I have only actually given my number to a handful of them (maybe 5), so I don't really know anyone's names or coworkers, etc.

                  To that end, I understand attraction is based on mutuality-- therefore, I would not be attracting men I wasn't giving "signals" to; however, there have been instances where I have literally been "knocked into" gentleman who are LEOs. It is so predictable that it has become a running joke amongst my friends. The problem is, I am not amused. I do not like being referred to as a "holster sniffer", "badge buffer" or the likes; I find it demeaning. Furthermore, they insist that my lack of quality relationships is because I'm dating men whom they imply are emotionally unavailable due to the nature of their work. For the longest time if I found out someone held such a position, I would immediately dismiss them as viable dating material simply because I was embarrassed and even fearful that is all I could attract or my friends were right. Since then, I have learned to embrace it, as it is what it is. And sure, if I want to go out and have a conversation, I'm much more likely to go somewhere they might be. And if refused them on the basis of profession, I'd probably be spending a lot of time at home. While I've admittedly yet to have a successful relationship with a LEO, I've never once had a bad date with one. And I have had PLENTY of bad dates.

                  I think one of the main reasons I am attracted to LEOs is that they are honestly (IMHO, anyway) some of the most secure men out there. Call it self-confidence, arrogance, machismo...real, or put-on...whatever...I am the female counterpart of that. For their swagger I have a matching sashay. I am educated (a professor), jacked (I'm a power-lifter), successful (I own my own business), independent and not entirely uneasy on the eyes. VERY FEW men approach me, and those that do have hearty self-esteems. And being a powerful woman is not easy in today's society; I need an uberpowerful man.

                  My question(s) for the community are as follows:

                  1. I have seen this asked in this forum before, but are my friends correct? Am I merely a badge bunny in denial? Does the fact that you attract/date cops (even if you don't know they're cops before you date them) instantaneously make you one?

                  Furthermore, are the majority of single or divorced LEOs my age/area simply players? Should I not be expecting a quality relationship? Is it is possible, is it because I am meeting the majority of them in pubs/bars etc (I'm Irish, what can I say)?

                  2. How do I sensitively navigate the issue of having dated cops before without seeming like a badge bunny? I have to admit, I get a weird look on my face when they tell me what they do. I guess I shouldn't be surprised at this point. While there is speculation that cops mainly date educators (like myself) and nurses, for some reason there isn't the same reverse prejudice. There's no such term as a "teacher toucher" or "nurse nuzzler." The only thing worse than being teased by my friends is my date thinking I'm some kind of fetishist.

                  I ask this question in sincerity, so I don't need to be mocked or offers of "lessons" or the likes as the last person who posted something similar.
                  One question Honey Do you like Harley's
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                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by On the sly
                    Uh.... If you're that worried, don't date cops.

                    Seriously badge bunnies IMO, are women who just want to bag as many of my brothers in blue as possible.

                    My wife has only dated one cop/deputy in her entire life... me!
                    Sly--

                    Like I said in my post. I tried not dating LEOs. I just never got asked out. The last date I had was with someone in Utilities. Then it was securing utilities. Then I found out he was an ex-cop. The saga continues.

                    -Jen

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by SgtCHP View Post
                      Why would the occupation of the man, except of course for a low-life crook, matter? If you want to date a man (or woman) in uniform, that is your option. Don't let misguided friends dictate how you should live your social life.

                      Dating a cop, firefighter, service member, etc., while not in the upper echelon of the community, is certainly not something to be ashamed about. At least they are out there doing for the community with the lesser compensation than a (God forbid) lawyer, doctor, business man, etc.

                      The professions are honorable, somewhat exciting and compensated at median income.

                      Go out there and have a ball. If I were single, and you were available, I would certainly entertain the thought of commiserating with you and evening or two.

                      Good luck to you. Enjoy your life! It is far too short to worry about this sort of thing.
                      Just to set the record straight, I am NOT ashamed of dating police officers. I do find it a noble profession. I am ashamed that there is a stereotype for women who date them. As a matter of fact, most LEOs even military my age are usually in some kind of training role. We actually find a lot to talk about. I'm a professor, so guiding and training young adults is what I do every day as well.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by syphon157 View Post
                        I think you just have to get out of South Jersey!
                        Syphon-- I think you may be correct.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by PhilipCal View Post
                          Your post indicates a very high level of intelligence, and a solid record of achievement. So, with all of that, I'm a little curious as to why you're approaching us. My thought is that you should be very careful in your dates, and date men who appeal to you, regardless of their profession. You've no doubt discovered that there are no guarantees out there. Be discriminating, maintain your seemingly high standards. If a Cop, Armed Forces Officer, etc, doesn't measure up to those standards, send him on his way. There could be a cab driver, locomotive engineer,a computer geek, out there, who's just what your're looking for.
                          I'm approaching you because I'm curious as to whether or not you'd perceive me as being a "badge bunny." I'm a little unnerved by the situation, honestly. If every woman who you dated was a doctor, trust me you'd minimally question the likelihood...if not wind up with a complex. Just trying to avoid the latter.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Smurfette_76 View Post
                            If you don't consider yourself a badge bunny, then why do you care what others think about you? You can't stop what other people think and the precedent before you is well documented.

                            As for if they are all players. Well. No. I don't think you can make that generalization about a group of people like that. Are they playing you? If they are, that's about you. You're attracting a certain type of man and the one thing all those failed relationships have in common is you.

                            What I'm saying to you is to do what makes you happy. There are stereotypes that may or may not be "fair" or right, but...what's fair and right in this world? If you're not, you're not. How can you have all that going for you and give a tinkers damn what people think?
                            Just as BB have stereotypes surrounding them, so do LEOs. I've read multiple threads on here regarding LEOs and infidelity, high rate of divorce, etc. I'm willing to take 50% of the blame for any failed relationship, but I'm not willing to say I'm getting played because it's my issues or failing at relationships because it's my fault either, sorry.

                            But yes, you are correct. I DO what makes me happy. I date cops. And when I find out that someone chatting me up is a LEO, I chuckle. The problem really only comes in when I have displayed too much knowledge about their profession and I'm asked how I know. That's why I posted, honestly. Still not sure how to handle the question without straight out lying.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by On The View Post
                              If you're going to start a thread like this, you're supposed to post a picture of yourself. I'm going to be hearing Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" all day now....

                              Depends what you need in a "quality relationship".
                              I deliberately didn't post one because I thought I'd be taken less seriously or that I posted for ulterior motives. As far as "quality relationship" well, that's subjective. One that's mutually beneficial, based on honesty and hopefully develops into something amazing. That's what quality is to me.

                              Comment

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