Who here has some insight into the lighter side of LE?

[CenTex]

Disclaimer: This post is not meant in any way to belittle the very serious task of LE, nor do I think it belongs in any other forum but "Ask A Cop". It is only intended to gather insight into the simple joys/laughs/lighter side of the job. EVERY job has its lighter side, and as a prospective recruit, I'm legitimately interested in insight into the side of the job that sometimes just makes you smile, makes you go D'OH, or just makes you have a good laugh, which I think is VERY important to keeping human beings happy and sane.


That said, who has a funny/comical/strange/inspirational/ or other interesting story about being a police officer? (Crazy calls, strange situations, comical instances, etc.)

Thanks!

[StudChris]

Because of the sheer horror of some of the things we come across, we have no choice but to put a lighter side to all situations... however most jokes are definitely not suitable for this website.

[mikeymedic]

Gallows Humor, This has been done to death.

[Presence 1*]

I think the comraderie amongst officers is amazing. To me, feeling like you are a part of something much bigger and more important than yourself is an amazing feeling. I love joking around with everyone and getting heckled and treated like one of the guys. It is a great feeling.

That being said, there are definitely some calls that you come off of and can only make jokes about...

I'll briefly recount one for you:

It was about 0630 hours one morning, and I was dispatched to a call in reference to a stolen bicycle. When I pulled up, I was surprised to see an entire group of people sitting on their front porch. They appeared to be extras from the movie Deliverance. I could almost swear I heard a banjo playing somewhere in the distance...


The sun was barely up, but these folks were sitting outside. As I emerged from the patrol car, the smell of cat poop immediately assaulted my nostrils. I noticed about 30 cats in varying stages of development running around and playing in the yard, and made a mental note to watch where I was walking.

I approached the group on the porch, and tried to figure out what was going on. One man, a scraggly looking fellow with a very pungeant body odor jumped up and came up to me. I took a few steps back after catching a whiff of his aroma. The first words out of his mouth when I asked what happened were: "Weeeelllll, I was sleepin' over thar up under the carport, 'n i heard this tinkerin' noise, and someone was tryin' to steal my brother's bike!"


He went on to describe the bicycle at some length, noting its reddish brown color (the color of rust, or actually rusty, he couldn't really say), and it's unique milk crate fastened to the handlebars. "You can't miss it", he said. He went on to tell me it doesn't have brakes, so anyone who took it is likely to have crashed it.

I start gathering information from him, and he tells me his name (*edited for anonymity) is *Gomer. I said, "Golmer? G O L M E R?" He says, "That'll work". I said, "No, how do you spell your name?". We went back and forth a few times before we finally got that mess straightened out.

After all of this, he casually mentions that he knows who took it. I ask who, and he says, "Bubba". I ask where Bubba lives. He points across the street.


At this point, I'm thinkin, you've gotta be kiddin me... this guy who lives across the street takes your bike, you know it was him, and you call the police??

So, I go across the street to Bubba's house (a boarding house, mind you, with weeds as tall as my waist in the yard, nasty nasty place). Knock on door and windows. Finally a fat white lady answers the door. "I need to speak with Bubba, " i say. She says, ok. She walks inside, hollers for Bubba, and next thing I know, a drunk black guy in his underwear stumbles out into the hallway. The smell coming off of him is almost as bad as the first guy. I ask him if he took the bike. He says he did, we walk outside, and there it is. I say, well, Gomer needs it to get to work, you'd better take it back over there.


Case closed - bike was returned to the Deliverance extras, and Bubba was given a lecture about takin stuff without asking first. No charges were pressed, and everyone went on their merry way.


The only bad thing is that I smelled like cat poop for the rest of the day. I left with a huge amount of it stuck in my boot, and apparently some of it smeared on the edge of my pant leg, because I smelled it all day, even after washing my boot off. No idea where I stepped in it, because I thought I was being very careful.


Anyway, I laughed about that one all day long, and I still make jokes about the extras from Deliverance...

You gotta get your digs where you can.

[Smurfette_76]

Gotta save it for my book

[Presence 1*]

Oh man, maybe I should have saved my story... I'm keeping a journal so in ten years I can write a good book..


Oh well, I'm sure i'll have many more to add to the list than that one... That just happens to be my favorite one so far... so white trash and unexpected at 630am.

[JSD73]

The Sheer stupidity of people is what makes this job have a lighter side.

For instance, a man walks up to me, on duty mind you, and asks, "So, yer a Deputy Sheriff huh?" I look down at the patch on my shoulder, look back up, and say uh huh, kinda looks like it. He looks back at me says, "Uh huh, so uhh, which county you work for?" I look back down at my patch, read it out loud while looking for a way to escape as he proceeds to tell me how close he and the Sheriff are as friends. Problem is, the Sheriff's name he mentions is no longer Sheriff and I inform him of this as I make a hasty retreat to my patrol car.

We had one a few nights ago where my buddy got a call of an assault, he goes out to interview the highly intoxicated homeowner who says he saw six vehicles drive by his house and go down the street so he had to go see what was happening ....his reason...."I had to know".... he follows them to the only house on the cul de sac and then proceeds to drive in circles. When confronted by residents he goes back home and says that he was verbally assaulted and wants to make a report. Ten minutes after clearing that call, we responded back to shots fired and surrounded the house for over an hour and when we finally got him to come back out, he still didn't know what he had done wrong...

Takes all kinds

[Bully]

One of my favorites took place in briefing. The station put out a directive saying if you need a new uniform item, you have to fill out the request and put the old item in a bag prior to getting the replacement. Well one of the guys requested pants. He came into briefing with his shirt, vest, belt, shirt garters, boots and boxers. He just sat there and hung out during briefing.

[crass cop]

had a "motorist assist call" a few weeks back....disp advised a vehicle has died in traffic and the FEMALE driver has called 911...
Her cars battery is dead and she's LOCKED INSIDE and afraid because she cant get out.

I, being the "cass cop" I am, without missing a beat gave the dispatcher directions to relay to her on how to escape from the vehicle...."advise her to look for the manual locking lever and pull it upward"...got a few laughs

But the stupidity of people is amazing and neverending

[marty33]

My own personal favorite...A felony DV suspect tells me "If you try to arrest me, I am going to swing on you!" He then takes a step towards me, and gets hit three times with a baton and Tazed. After it was all over, he couldnt understand why he got his butt kicked. He thought a cop had to be assaulted first before fighting back. Guess you had to be there.

[Bully]

I also like the guy that I tore up one night. When the jailer was processing him, the jailer saw all the bandages. Here's the conversation:

Jailer - "What happened to you?"
Crook - "I got arrested in Riverside County, what the **** do you think
happened to me?"

[janego10]

tried to get consent to enter a home to arrest a DV suspect. After countless times trying to get him to come out and talk to us I told him I'm just going to come in a get him...he says "Well just come in a get me!" Wow! Loved that consent...busted in grabbed him, he resisted and the whole time said " thats not what i meant, thats not what I meant!" Oh man i loved it!

[7th District]

Daddy, Daddy....

One night at about 1:00am we get this call to go to a trailer park reference a woman causing a disturbance. She is outside yelling as loud as she can.

I know the address well and her family are regular customers.

When we arrive the woman, who mind you bears a striking resemblance to Popeye's Olive Oil, is still standing out in her front yard yelling. She's yelling as loud as she can, "He won't f--- me!" "He won't f--- me!", over and over again.

We calmed her down and ask what the problem was. As you can guess from what she was yelling she is upset that her boyfriend won't give her any lovin'.

I go inside to talk to the boyfriend and find a guy who last I knew was with this woman's daughter. They actually had a kid together.

Well since that time the boyfriend had split up with his old girlfriend and he had moved in with her mom, Olive Oil. Anywho he tells me that he won't go to bed with her because he is tired of his son asking him, "Daddy, Daddy why are you sleeping in grandma's bed?"





.

[leesrt]

When I worked for my local PD I went on a call, my first year on, to a woman who thinks people are tresspassing on her property. I arrive and was greeted by an elderly man who says, "come inside, my wife is in the bedroom".

I follow him back and she's elderly and in bed with the blanket up around chest level. She was wearing a nightgown.
She proceeds to tell me she can tell there are teenagers outside her house making love in their car.
I bit and asked her how she knew this.

She tells me that when someone is making love near her she gets a pain in her va-J-J and it gets very irritated. I tried not to be startled by this and asked how long this has been going on. She says "for many many years" and then says "look you can see how irritated it is" while she begins lowering the blanket.
I said "NO NO NO, thats ok, let me get my Sgt here first". She stopped and said thats a good idea. I called for my Sgt, a female, and she said she would be there in a few minutes. While she was enroute the complainant also explained how she knew they were using radio signals to listen to her at night.

My Sgt arrived and I met her outside. I explained that the complainant needs to speak with a woman about a matter that concerns her. My Sgt was like "ok thats cool" and parades into the room.

I walked out of the house because at this point I'm not able to contain myself. I'm laughing so hard a passer by asked me if I was ok.

My Sgt comes out and has a stern look on her face. She say "you knew what she wanted didn't you"? I said yes but I didn't have the heart to ruin it for you.

I asked her if she showed it to her and she said "oh yeah, and from the looks of it there's an entire school bus of kids makin love in her back yard". LOL

[concon02]

One of my favorites took place in briefing. The station put out a directive saying if you need a new uniform item, you have to fill out the request and put the old item in a bag prior to getting the replacement. Well one of the guys requested pants. He came into briefing with his shirt, vest, belt, shirt garters, boots and boxers. He just sat there and hung out during briefing.

This is awesome.