Need Advice

[valsgoal01]

I'm hoping to start the Police Academy in Jan.2010 to become a LE Officer. I've been married to my husband for 10 years and we have no children. He is a sales manager for an air conditioning company. He said he is happy for me and to go after my goal and seems to be supportive about it. My brother said he worries that my marriage could be at stake if I pursue this career, even though my husband is being supportive. He told me that I will only want to associate with cop friends because they will be the only people that can relate to the everyday problems of the job, which I can understand. He feels that I will no longer have a good communication with my husband because he won't be able to relate to me anymore. I will become a different person because of all the negitive situations and bad people that cops come across. My brother said he has heard this from some cop friends that he talks to from time to time. I would appreciate any advice on this.

[SgtCHP]

I'm hoping to start the Police Academy in Jan.2010 to become a LE Officer. I've been married to my husband for 10 years and we have no children. He is a sales manager for an air conditioning company. He said he is happy for me and to go after my goal and seems to be supportive about it. My brother said he worries that my marriage could be at stake if I pursue this career, even though my husband is being supportive. He told me that I will only want to associate with cop friends because they will be the only people that can relate to the everyday problems of the job, which I can understand. He feels that I will no longer have a good communication with my husband because he won't be able to relate to me anymore. I will become a different person because of all the negitive situations and bad people that cops come across. My brother said he has heard this from some cop friends that he talks to from time to time. I would appreciate any advice on this.

Your brother needs to mind his own business. As long as your husband and you believe in what you are doing you should have little if any problems. Just remember that being a LEO is not the same as being a banker, real estate person, food server, etc. It is an entirely new way of life. Maturity is the key to holding things together. Being able to separate reality from fantasy and mutual respect for one-another will help you to stay connected.

Besides, if cops only communicate and relate to other cops why are they talking to your brother?

Good luck!

[crass cop]

Get and read a book called "Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement"...I think is the name....
Make sure your husband knows about you not being home on weekends, holidays, nights, etc. My wife, (girlfriend at the time), was good with it too...but in recent years it has taken a great toll.
A LOT of cops end up in divorce...almost been there a few times myself in the last 9 years....Do you have kids?? Think about them too

Im not trying to disourage you, but make sure you research ALL the pros and CONS before you jump in.

Good luck and if you do it, then go all out!

[preparedness]

Well it's not a decision to be taken lightly, you have every reason to take a step back and view the potential situations before diving into it. I'll keep it short but sweet: Like previously mentioned, do your research and soul-searching, and if this is something you truly want, go for it. All out! If this is something you have a bad gut feeling about, trust your instincts. It seems like such a complex decision but it's really oh so easy - keep it simple and to the point!

My brother said he worries that my marriage could be at stake if I pursue this career, even though my husband is being supportive.

True. But your marriage is what YOU two make of it. Ultimately you two have the deciding power, not your occupation. Communication is key.

He told me that I will only want to associate with cop friends because they will be the only people that can relate to the everyday problems of the job, which I can understand.

Partially true. You may associate a lot with cop friends, but may also still keep many of your current friends. You pick your friends.

He feels that I will no longer have a good communication with my husband because he won't be able to relate to me anymore.

False. If you want to maintain good communication with your hubbie, communicate. A job in LE won't prohibit that.

I will become a different person because of all the negitive situations and bad people that cops come across.

Partially true. You'll get a new and unique perspective, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll lose your old one or your personality.

[leesrt]

If the two of you communicate good now you'll be fine. If your communication sucks now it will only get worst.

There is one good aspect. Woman like to talk more than men. It's a fact and it's the way life is. I forget the study I read but they showed how a woman will speak on average several thousand more words a day than a man.

With you being a cop you'll have exhausted all your words by the end of your shift so when you get home you and your huband will be on an even playing field.

[valsgoal01]

Thanks everyone for all of your input. All of the advice is great. It really helped me to even my thoughts out .

@ leesrt...... I laughed pretty good after reading your reply. It's so true about us women talking so much more, I'm one of them. I can do my share of it...... so I'm told by my other half. Thanks

[Smurfette_76]

Honey, your brother is full of it and is speaking about something he doesn't understand.

[In It To Win It]

Tell your brother to "KNOW HIS ROLE, AND SHUT HIS MOUTH!!" Go for it, your marriage will be fine.

[M-11]

Here is the secret to success in life:

Don't let your job become the coolest thing about you.

Follow that advice and you will be fine.

M-11

[Blizzination]

My wife isn't a cop.

She doesn't like the fact I sometimes work nights, weekends, holidays, birthdays, and other important events. But she understands, and she's supportive. I've taken her on ridealongs so she can see what it is I actually do, and she tends to "get it" a little more.

[PhilipCal]

If your husband is supportive, and this is what you truly want to do, go for it. As has been noted, your decision is none of your Brother's business.

[hooknbook]

How this job affects people is up to the individual. For some people, it will damage a relationship, for some it will make it stronger. I don't think you'll know until you do it though. The good thing is your husband supports you so you are a step in the right direction.

What your brother said is just a blant generalization. You can actually answer your own question better than any of us can. Good luck.

[kcso]

Tell your brother to "KNOW HIS ROLE, AND SHUT HIS MOUTH!!" Go for it, your marriage will be fine.

No, don't tell your brother to shut his mouth and he isn't "full of it". There's not a damn thing wrong with a family member expressing their concern and making sure you go into this process with your eyes wide open. Obviously you wouldn't have known anything about that unless he told you. It's good to confront those concerns now rather than be blindsided later when, and if, any of it actually happens.

preparedness had some good responses, go with those.

[Smurfette_76]

And if the brother was speaking about something of which he had experience, that would be one thing, but he's not. Her brother is using a scare tactic while acting supportive.

[kcso]

And if the brother was speaking about something of which he had experience, that would be one thing, but he's not. Her brother is using a scare tactic while acting supportive.

Yeah, I think that's why she came here to ask us, hoping that we have experience on that topic. It's my experience that it is ok for her brother to show concern. I don't know her brother so there is no way for me to know if he was using scare tactics or not. It sounded like pretty reasonable advice though.