worst, funniest, or craziest thing ever seen on the job

[Badgerland]

I'd have to imagine this was pretty crazy to see live:

WARNING GRAPHIC!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22p5Jh7kWr0

If this has already been posted, I apologize.

[Berlioz]

One of the funniest things Ive seen in my short time was when I was working the front desk at my old division, a man strolls through the door with his face covered in blood flowing from a nice gash on his forehead. We get to interviewing him and he states that he and his mistress had gotten into a fight with the mistress gorging this guy's forehead with one of her high-heel shoes. Well, not a moment too soon, the aforementioned mistress comes steaming into the station lobby, WITH THE HEEL IN HAND, demanding us to arrest the guy! Much to her dismay, she received a swift trip downtown.

[Sleuth]

I was off to the side in this one, but it is true:
I had a case due to start in Federal Court. The Asst. U.S. Attorney calls to say the case will be delayed because she has to appear in state court?

"Are you trying a case in state court?"
"No, I'm the victim, sort of - last week I caught a guy in my barn, having sex with my mare (horse). The Sheriff's deputies arrested him."
"And?"
"I caught him again last night, with the same mare!"
"That must be one good looking horse!"

He had even moved a chair in so he could 'gain access'.

[Kieth M.]

I saw a guy high on PCP having sex with a duck in the middle of the street.

Oh, how fowl!

Although I've heard that sex with a duck is not all it's quacked up to be.













Sorry, couldn't resist these puns.

[Kieth M.]

permission to e-mail this everyone on my squad? this is priceless.

E-mail, away!

[AZLawDawg]

I have two:

When I was an officer, Olivia Newton-John once had a store on Melrose Avenue called Koala Blue. She had a homeless admirer who, came from another state and decided to live in the alley behind it, hoping to see her. He was filthy, bushy-haired and bearded. One day, the cosmic forces align and he figures she's arriving there any moment (she's nowhere near L.A.). He strips down, nekkid, but put on a pink tutu around his waist and starts running around the store screaming "Olivia and daughters! Olivia and daughters!"

I arrive on scene and the vehicular and subsequent foot-pursuit is on. He's running with his dangling parts going up and down, while he holds the edges of the tutu out to the sides like he's got to keep it neat and orderly, screaming, "Olivia and daughters!"over and over again.

I'll never forget seeing this pretty, 30-something woman walking out of a florist shop holding a boquet. She walks about four paces out the door, looks at this tutu-clad naked hippie running toward her. She executes a military-precision 'about face' and walks back into the storefront, without ever changing the cheerful expression on her face.

Two barbed-hooks and several thousand volts later...my naked ballet dancer is in handcuffs. "Can I get your name, sir?" I asked. "Olivia and daughters!" was his only reply. John Doe was off to a 72-hour hold.

------------------

I have to be careful with words, here:

When I was a sergeant, I was the first on-scene of a nekkid fat woman giving herself an enema on a muddy hillside. She had to, "get the demons out," who had invaded her. The hose became stuck in the vacuum created by her innards, so we had to turn the water back on a bit to build some pressure in order to push it out. When the hose was out, she started expelling the water - marks for distance and accuracy could have been record-setting....overall, however, it was a very low-budget Bellagio dancing fountain show.

permission to e-mail this everyone on my squad? this is priceless.

[iluvpopo]

Didn't realize this was ask a cop sorry....

[Smurfette_76]

Nah. I'm willing to bet it was a real one.

We had a guy around here (next county over) that was charged with animal cruelty. He liked chickens. He specifically like the flapping and jerky movements they made when their necks were wrung. He happened to be having sex with them when he'd wring their necks.

Can't make this stuff up, hon because truth really is stranger than fiction.

[dixiebelle]

I saw a guy high on PCP having sex with a duck in the middle of the street...

And no, I don't think if it was... consensual

Please tell me that it was a fake plastic duck and not a real one.....

poor little ducky

[Smurfette_76]

I saw a guy high on PCP having sex with a duck in the middle of the street...

And no, I don't think if it was... consensual

f*ck a duck?

Pluck a duck?

[andy5746]

I saw a guy high on PCP having sex with a duck in the middle of the street...

And no, I don't think if it was... consensual

[mdrdep]

Smurfette you should have just thrown cold water on them, that's what I do for the dog

[School Cop]

A man and woman stuck together during anal sex. His health insurance was in his wife's name and it wasn't his wife he was stuck to...in (?)...either way. Wife came to the ER. It was GREAT.

People like this are the reason doctors won't make house calls anymore. They always ruin it for the rest of us.

[jsc0288]

Personally, I'm glad those of us who have participated have kept it on the 'funniest' and 'craziest' side of the street....let's keep the flow a happy one.

I'll reserve sharing my 'worst' for another day!

I agree I'll start just a worst one for whoever wants to share something.

[Monkeybomb]

Thats It Keith wins thats one of the funniest and most disgisting stories I have heard this week.