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  • Very sensitive question

    I just got a phone call from a dear friend of mine. She has four daughters and the oldest is 12. (The next ages are 4 year old twins and a 3 year old.)

    Her husband is in Texas at school right now (military) and she can't talk to him because she knows if he does, he will tell the military where to go, become AWOL, come home, and wind up in jail.

    Her 15 year old nephew has been messing around with her 12 year old. She has not approached her brother and SIL yet, but will tomorrow. She is taking her daughter to the doctor tomorrow morning to get her checked out.

    She is afraid to go to the police because she does not want her daughter any more traumatized than she already is and also wants to shield the younger ones from what is happening.

    What is the normal police procedure for these situations? How do the police handle it wrt the child, other children the parents, etc? How much emotional protection is there for the child?
    http://hoppeshomestead.blogspot.com/

    The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. – Thomas Jefferson

  • #2
    Wow.
    That sucks. I am not qualified to really answer your question. Laws and proceedures vary wildly from State to State. For instance here it would be be criminal because the age of consent is generally 15 as long as it was "a sex crime" other States have far different laws about age of consent etc. Lots of variables. Was it consentual? If not was force involved etc. Most places have pretty decent protocals for dealing with any kind of sexual assault. Now when it involves a child the protocals are generally more geared toward protection of the victim and preventing and further percieved victimization. But Someone from your area can probably give you much better information on what may happen in your state or area.
    The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    Comment


    • #3
      There is one right way.

      A) .... She can protect her daughter above all else, even if it means getting police involved.

      or

      B) .... She can help shield the nephew, her brother and SIL, and teach her daughter a different lesson in life.

      He's 15, you can bet he knew exactly what he was doing.

      Her daughter is 12 and she'll never forget it.
      "That's right man, we've got mills here that'll blow that heap of your's right off the road."

      "Beautiful Daughter of the Stars."(it's my home now)

      >>>>> A Time for Choosing <<<<<

      Retired @ 31yr 2mo as of 0000 hrs. 01-01-10. Yeah, all in all, it was good.

      Comment


      • #4
        Call the police! there are victim advocates and other procedures in place that help reduce the traumitization of the victim during the process. CALL THE POLICE! if she doesn't, YOU SHOULD. you have knowledge of a crime involving a child, it has become your responsibility.

        ETA - don't be sure he stopped with the 12y.o. there could be more victims in the household
        Last edited by injunwil; 08-08-2008, 03:41 AM.

        Comment


        • #5
          If she doesn't notify the police, you should. If she gets upset, wait until this page fills up with the same response, print it off and show it to her. The specialist that interview children have extensive training and know what they are doing (a police officer will not be interviewing her). It's not fair to the child if the mother wants to keep things quiet. If nothing is done, the girl will feel that it was OK, or that she was the one that was wrong.
          Work harder! Millions on welfare depend on you...

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          • #6
            She is bringing her daughter to the doctor today. I talked to her last night and she will proceed based on what the doctor's exam shows.
            http://hoppeshomestead.blogspot.com/

            The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. – Thomas Jefferson

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by injunwil View Post
              you have knowledge of a crime involving a child, it has become your responsibility.
              You had to mention that, didn't you? Well, crap. I will go to the police this afternoon. That will give her a chance to finish with the doctor's appt and go to the police herself. I'm hoping the doctor will talk sense into her.

              As a mother, I understand her desire to protect her daughter from further trauma.

              Personal experience:
              I remember when I was molested as a child (it was by my father) and the police got involved, I was put in the back of a cruiser and interrogated. I was 9. I though I had done something wrong. Although I am sure procedures have changed since then, I am understanding the want to prevent that experience (emotionally) from happening to the 12 year old.
              http://hoppeshomestead.blogspot.com/

              The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. – Thomas Jefferson

              Comment


              • #8
                She took her daughter in and was seen by a nurse. She then spoke with her pastor and her pastor told her that he is mandated to report. Because her mother works for CPS, he gave her an hour to tell her mother herself before he files the report. So she is seeing her mother and letting her know what is happening before she finds out via paperwork.

                Nightmarish situation. That's for sure.
                http://hoppeshomestead.blogspot.com/

                The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. – Thomas Jefferson

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Mrs. Hoppes View Post

                  Nightmarish situation. That's for sure.
                  Just keep in mind that it was the 15 year old that started this round. He may have been a victim himself even ... but he also had the power to choose to not do this to his 12 year old cousin. I know the thought never crossed my mind growing up, I knew right from wrong.

                  She's "maybe" worrying about traumatising the 12 year old ... or "maybe" it's more like she just wanted to bury her head and hope it all goes away. Only she knows for sure, but teaching her 12 year old that her safety comes second in a contest for peace and harmony in the face of abuse is a greater harm.

                  Glad she told you.
                  "That's right man, we've got mills here that'll blow that heap of your's right off the road."

                  "Beautiful Daughter of the Stars."(it's my home now)

                  >>>>> A Time for Choosing <<<<<

                  Retired @ 31yr 2mo as of 0000 hrs. 01-01-10. Yeah, all in all, it was good.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by 355339 View Post
                    If she doesn't notify the police, you should. If she gets upset, wait until this page fills up with the same response, print it off and show it to her. The specialist that interview children have extensive training and know what they are doing (a police officer will not be interviewing her). It's not fair to the child if the mother wants to keep things quiet. If nothing is done, the girl will feel that it was OK, or that she was the one that was wrong.
                    X2
                    The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It was not consentual and everyone found out because a couple of months back, she told a couple of friends of hers. The friend's mom and her mom have been friends since they were 8 years old. So there's a couple of decades of friendship there.

                      Well, after the two sisters (friends) went back and forth for a couple of months, they told their mom who in turn told the mom.

                      She spoke to CPS who said there does not appear to be any need for police involvement unless she *wants* to press charges, but they (CPS) does not see a need to. CPS will be contacting the 15yo's family on Monday.

                      Apparently, this has been going on for a long time and happening several times a week. The cousin and family live next door, so avoiding them is going to be difficult at best.
                      http://hoppeshomestead.blogspot.com/

                      The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. – Thomas Jefferson

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        In most States CPS is a mandatory reporter. If they don't they should be charged criminally. We have a huge problem here with our DHS forgetting to report crimes like rape and serious child abuse. I have charged more than a few. It does seem to get better for a while anyway once they have to explain to a judge why they didn't think it was important to report a felony.
                        The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

                        Comment

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