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Couldn't Contain Yourself?

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  • Couldn't Contain Yourself?

    We're trained to be professional at all times, but surely we've lost our composure at one point or another. Here's a few instances where I couldn't contain myself or my laughter.

    1. Pregnant Woman: "I can't deal with this! I'm pregnant! See, I got these fraternity pants on!"

    2. One of our Officers to a suspect at the scene: "When you're with someone, and they do something stupid...well, that makes you stupid, too."

    3. (referring to a local grocery store that she believes is contaminating the food with sperm, and that children are getting pregnant from eating the contaminated food) Crazy woman: "And have you ever screwed a girl? And then screwed another one? Who's to say that SHE didn't get infected, too?"
    ...Long pause...
    My partner: "Yeah but I don't see what that has to do with sandwiches."
    Last edited by pf217; 06-07-2007, 12:37 PM.
    "The majority of people are sheep. Wolves prey on the sheep. You are the sheepdog. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. " -Lt. Col. Grossman

    "We are righteous under the law, and we are righteous under God!" -Chief T. Fleming

  • #2
    We arrested a man one night for assaulting his girlfriend (slapping her in the face.) Upon arrest, we found a dime bag on him.

    The suspect had been argueing for quite some time that he hadn't touched the woman and that she wasn't even his girlfriend. Heck, he declared he wasn't the baby daddy either (she was pregnant), so when we found the drugs, he loudly claimed that they weren't his.

    My partner says to him, "This ain't your pot, that's not your girl, that's not your baby?"

    And I said, "The pants aren't his, the girl isn't his, and evidently the {penis} wasn't his either"
    Last edited by Tim Dees; 06-09-2007, 02:36 AM. Reason: Offens
    sigpic

    I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

    Comment


    • #3
      We were searching a house on a drug raid where a stripper lived with her boyfriend. We found her in bed, wearing nothing but a long tee shirt. We couldn't find the light switch for the attic and she went up the fold down stairs to cut it on for us. As she went up, with us all standing under her, she said, "You guys don't look up under my shirt."

      Without thinking, I said, "If we want to see your snatch, we'll just pay the four dollars like everyone else."

      Well, who knew strippers could get their feelings hurt so easy? She started crying, and I spent the rest of the time there trying to calm her down.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Group 29 View Post
        We were searching a house on a drug raid where a stripper lived with her boyfriend. We found her in bed, wearing nothing but a long tee shirt. We couldn't find the light switch for the attic and she went up the fold down stairs to cut it on for us. As she went up, with us all standing under her, she said, "You guys don't look up under my shirt."

        Without thinking, I said, "If we want to see your snatch, we'll just pay the four dollars like everyone else."

        Well, who knew strippers could get their feelings hurt so easy? She started crying, and I spent the rest of the time there trying to calm her down.
        I actually laughed til I choked on spit for this one. Funny stuff. Almost funnier I visioning you trying to calm her down (inner voice "Oh, sh*t ..... I am toting a day for that one.").
        Space for rent .........

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        • #5
          Originally posted by pf217 View Post

          3. (referring to a local grocery store that she believes is contaminating the food with sperm, and that children are getting pregnant from eating the contaminated food) Crazy woman: "And have you ever screwed a girl? And then screwed another one? Who's to say that SHE didn't get infected, too?"
          ...Long pause...
          My partner: "Yeah but I don't see what that has to do with sandwiches."
          *he spits coffee out his nose and mouth at the same time. Dribbling on his tshirt as well*

          Had an idiot in a really nice, custom restored, chopped duece coup borrow my pen to sign a speeding ticket. He hands it back out the window to me and as I reach for it, he purposely drops it, looks up with a big smile and says, "Whoops!"

          I gather up his license, registration, insurance card and pink copy, and reach out to give them to him. As he reaches, I drop all of them in the slit for his custom window, from which to retreive these items, he will have to destroy all the fiberglass work.

          "Whoops," I say.

          Cost me a letter to the governor, but it was worth it. (Note to rookies - wait a few years before you try ANYTHING ON THIS PAGE.)
          The All New
          2013
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          Sully - IAM Rand - JasperST - L1 - The Tick - EmmaPeel - Columbus - LA Dep - SgtSlaughter - OneAdam12 - Retired96 - Iowa #1603
          - M1Garand

          (any BBQ and Goldfish Pond member may nominate another user for membership but just remember ..... this ain't no weenie roast!)



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          • #6
            I had a traffic stop with a driver who's name was so funny, I couldnt get it over the radio to the dispatchers.

            The last name was "Popp" and the first name was.....



            ...yeah you guessed it "Soda."


            It took a good 10 minutes to spell that one pheonetically.

            -C

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by cblackthorne View Post
              I had a traffic stop with a driver who's name was so funny, I couldnt get it over the radio to the dispatchers.

              The last name was "Popp" and the first name was.....



              ...yeah you guessed it "Soda."


              It took a good 10 minutes to spell that one pheonetically.

              -C
              Along those lines, a neighboring town's Sarge ran a D/L number over the air. When the dispatcher came back with the status, the last name was so hard to pronounce that he just said, "He's clear, valid out of Wherevertown." The Sarge purposely responded, "10-4, what's the name showing?" Dispatcher brokenly pronounced the name, which I believe was African and a good 8 syllables long. The Sarge, being facetious, "Can you 10-9 the name, please?" The dispatcher, without missing a beat, responded, "Adabudoulwemea, common spelling."
              "The majority of people are sheep. Wolves prey on the sheep. You are the sheepdog. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. " -Lt. Col. Grossman

              "We are righteous under the law, and we are righteous under God!" -Chief T. Fleming

              Comment


              • #8
                Or possibly the best of all time:

                In our town, the north portion of town is named after various civil war names. Lee, Antietam, Douglas, etc. Well, the rumor is that one of our retired Officers waited 13 years to get a call on Gettysburg Street while on nights, just so that when he got in the area, he could say on the air:

                "Dispatch from 881, can you repeat the Gettysburg address?"
                "The majority of people are sheep. Wolves prey on the sheep. You are the sheepdog. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. " -Lt. Col. Grossman

                "We are righteous under the law, and we are righteous under God!" -Chief T. Fleming

                Comment


                • #9
                  Got sent to a call on Goldenrod Street one time.
                  Another officer chimed in on the back channel "That street is named after me."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Had a call on a suspicious guy begging for change. First time I met him it went like this:

                    Me: Sir, you can't beg for change, it's against the law. Do you have some I.D.?

                    Him: No, I ain't got no I.D., and I ain't no beggin' for change.

                    Me: Okay, then what's your name and what is your date of birth?

                    Him: My name is Scientific Knowledge and my birph date is XX-XX-XXXX.

                    To be the nice cop I didn't question him, just ran the name.

                    Dispatch: Scientific Knowledge clear Signal 20's.

                    I was floored to find out that is his legal name and is known by all around as a nut case. (But not too nuts to "legally" change his name.
                    I am a Native American of non-Indian decent.

                    Cleaning the pool, one gene at a time.

                    I'm on a 30 day diet. So far I've lost 15 days!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      One night at about 0130 hours, my partner and I quickly drove up to a young female pumping gas into her car at a gas station. There was no one else around. My partner asks "Have you seen a large White male running around with no shirt? He's got long stringy hair, covered in tattoos, sweating, carrying a chainsaw??" The female is looking at us and replies, "No". We say, "Ok, thank you ma'am!" and speed off. I can see the girl through the rear view mirror looking all around her panicking...We laughed for the next 2 hours!! You just had to be there..
                      "Disco's Out, Murder's In" -Man, ain't that the truth!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I had a call about a couple of weeks after we were hit by hurricane Charley. The complaint was a civil complaint. The female complainant had just had a plumber come to her residence and appearantly he was there to unclog some of her plumbing pipes that were damaged from the hurricane. She was upset because he had not completely finished the job and felt that he had comitted theft for taking her money. I explained to her and her husband that this was a civil matter-blah, blah, blah and then cleared the call. Our mobile computers were down and the dispatcher asked me for a status on the call. I got on the radio and stated that this was a civil complaint, and that the victim just wanted her pipes cleaned. It was quiet for a little bit and of course the next call was from the sarge telling me to 10-19. I could not help myself.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by ex401mp View Post
                          I got on the radio and stated that this was a civil complaint, and that the victim just wanted her pipes cleaned. It was quiet for a little bit and of course the next call was from the sarge telling me to 10-19. I could not help myself.

                          bwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
                          sigpic

                          I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Smurfette_76 View Post
                            bwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

                            Off topic,,but I just read what happened to Det. Miller. That's horrible!! RIP to him and god bless his family!
                            "Disco's Out, Murder's In" -Man, ain't that the truth!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by InlandEmpire View Post
                              One night at about 0130 hours, my partner and I quickly drove up to a young female pumping gas into her car at a gas station. There was no one else around. My partner asks "Have you seen a large White male running around with no shirt? He's got long stringy hair, covered in tattoos, sweating, carrying a chainsaw??" The female is looking at us and replies, "No". We say, "Ok, thank you ma'am!" and speed off. I can see the girl through the rear view mirror looking all around her panicking...We laughed for the next 2 hours!! You just had to be there..

                              OH MY GOD...this made me laugh hysterically..I like this one!!!
                              "When I close my eyes.....I'll see you on the other side....!!!"

                              Hate to put it this way skippy, buy every night I suit up and climb in the cruiser I'm at war. I'm always outnumbered, potentially out gunned and always behind enemy lines.

                              Comment

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