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  • Just a drunken rant

    So I am sitting here, my 4th really stiff Jack and coke next to me thinking about the things we see and do. I wish there was some way to really make all the sheltered people understand it. Other than us who really knows how much pain and suffering there is in this world. Who else can go a whole week and not meet a young male who actually knows who his father is. I think about the anger so many of these kids live with and how there is nothing we can do to make it better. I think about how those who scorn us look down on us thinking we are brutal or uncaring. They that don’t ever have a glimpse of what humans are truly capable of. We see rage, death, callousness. Things that would make most hide in their homes for the rest of their lives. We watch people die and know those that kill without emotion. Every day we see more suffering than most do in a lifetime. We see the irony, the humor, the horror and they still think that it doesn’t touch our lives. How does someone who sees all of this go home and look at his wife and family and not think of the blood spilling from the body he found, not picture it happening to them. We know, really know what terrible things this world holds in store. And we still go back every day. No matter how callous they call us no matter how much they question our integrity or decisions. We still go back and do it all over again. Why is it that some of us believe we can make that tiny difference. Maybe save one life worth saving. What is it that is inside of us that makes us able to see what we see and still not want to hate. Sometimes I need to just be numb. Sometimes I realize that is useless because when I wake up, it is still there. I look inside and feel what it means to me to strap on that gun belt and badge and walk out that door. I still believe in honor, justice, morality. I just wish the rest of the world looked at us and saw the sacrifice we make. I truly believe we feel more, hurt more and care more than them no matter how they treat us. Does anyone really understand what it means to be a cop, a soldier, a believer? Has this world gotten so selfish that there are barely any left who believe in the greater good and are willing to offer up their lives for it. I cry for every grunt who doesn’t come home and every cop’s wife who looks out the peephole and sees the brass standing there. I cry for them mostly because I know that so few really understand why they did it. I cry because even less care. I’m not thinking about quitting or eating a bullet. I just needed to let it go so I can go back tomorrow and start over again. Maybe tomorrow will be the day someone says thank you.

  • #2
    whew.....I think a group hug is in order here! I understand your frustration and concern for the worth of your sacrifice. Is it all worth it? Do you really make a difference? Hmm.....Will you ever know??? If you are having these thoughts in your head, tipsy or not, then, in my opinion, you actually care about your profession and the fruits of your labor.
    Try this...When you go on duty, how many of your partners do you sit back and observe? Do all of them put forth your effort, or care as much as you about the quality of your performance during the shift? Or are they more concerned about making themselves look good, putting on the sweet smelling cologne, hanging out in the office longer than they should...talking to the Captain? Do they do the bare minimum just to squeak by, or are they balls to the wall all shift every shift? Myself...I'm the first one out the door after read-off. Why? #1...I'm more comfortable in my drivable office. #2...After 7 1/2 years, I still actually give a sh*t about what I do! but I find myself in the middle...not lazy, but not balls/wall either. I balance it...and that's what gets me through. It's up to me how upset or stressed I get, not the sh*tbags!! I thank them for doing their dirty deeds...it keeps me employed and my family is secure!!
    Look, all of us on this site deal with the same stupid, stinky, lost, doped up, overweight, cheeseburger eatin', you suck, "do yo' job", six kids havin', unemployed, 7 teeth (3 of them in their pocket!), crack pipe suckin', stretch marked prostitute saggy belly hangin over the dirty tight jeans, stabbin', shootin', punchin', cryin' because their life sucks kind of people!! All over the country!! Every day!! And guess what....That's probably about 5% of the population! And we deal with that population about 95% of the time!!
    Believe it or not, there are millions of solid people out there...we rarely get to interact with them because they are smart people!! Smart people don't need us!! It's the dumb ones who never learn who really don't "need" us...but who else are they going to cry to when the bad decisions they make in their lives send them down the path that inevitabley includes LE? LE!!!
    Your "effort" is yours to give. The outcome, in most cases, is out of your control...but, no matter who you deal with, no matter what the situation is, no matter what choices people make for themselves (citizens or even your partners), you have to make sure...at the end of the day...you put in an honest solid days work, and you cannot be questioned about the quality or integrity of your service. If you can go home at night, no matter what occured during your shift, and feel good about what you've done...then it's a job well done!
    The guys who hang around the office smelling pretty?? You think they lose sleep over caring about their service to the people? HA! You think they care about you?? HA!! The only people who care about you is you, your family, and the other LE partners who truly give a sh*t!! And believe it or not again, 95% of us actually give a sh*t!!! So, in short You're not alone!

    Be proud of yourself!! Stand tall, wear the uniform like it's meant to be worn, mean business, and polish your boots...people are looking at you all the time...and even if they don't like cops.......fu*k'em...you're still a cop!!!!

    Comment


    • #3
      Most of the merit we deserve will never be recognized. Depending on how high you set the bar you will almost never hear about the good job you do. My bar is set high enough for me to acknowledge to myself that I did a good job, I don't need an "atta-boy" from the staff. Both in LE and when I was in the military there were times when I KNEW things wouldn't have happened if I didn't take the initiative of setting it up for success, but never (and I do mean never) received any praise or recognition. Oh well, I know I made the difference and that's all that mattered. I know if I make an impact on someones life they will do several things.

      1. When calling for help they call me by name.
      2. Get past this problem and better themselves.
      3. Put the word in the ghetto that I helped them when they needed the help.

      I never supported the "I love me" wall you see in almost any office you go into. It irks me to see 4 and 5 different college certificates on their wall for "stress management coordinator" or "basket weaving 101" when even that is required by the lowest levels of employment. They stroke themselves by looking at their wall and seeing their accomplishments but we have to drive the same dirty streets every day to see our accomplishments.

      Keep your spirits high and your expectations not-so-high.
      I am a Native American of non-Indian decent.

      Cleaning the pool, one gene at a time.

      I'm on a 30 day diet. So far I've lost 15 days!

      Comment


      • #4
        A very well said post Ft.Lauder...
        PUI or not. Very true
        I got nothing for now

        Comment


        • #5
          My friend, you type and spell wonderful for someone with deviljuice in his system. We have all felt the same. As long as you can go home and look at yourself in the mirror and like what you see, your good. My kids still think I'm Superman. Thats all the push I need.

          Comment


          • #6
            That is the reason I am glad I am on Traffic and no longer have to be the first-on-scene or lead investigator on this kind of stuff.

            That is also another reason why my Force insists on frequent transfers, so our members can at least see another part of the Province, Canada or the world, if not get into another area of investigations that are not as stressful.

            At least, POPO-FLA, you still feel the hurt and are concerned about it. It is when you no longer give a rat's rear-end that you are in serious trouble.

            God bless us all.
            #32936 - Royal Canadian Mounted Police - 1975-10-27 / 2010-12-29
            Proud Dad of #54266 - RCMP - 2007-02-12 to date
            RCMP Veterans Association - Regina Division member
            Mounted Police Professional Association of Canada - Associate (Retired) member
            "Smile" - no!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by PeteBroccolo
              At least, POPO-FLA, you still feel the hurt and are concerned about it. It is when you no longer give a rat's rear-end that you are in serious trouble.

              God bless us all.
              POPO listen to Pete, he's being at now for 32 years.

              If you are ever feeling bummed out while on patrol, let me suggest one thing. Stop by an elementary school and just say hi. It's hard to feel down and depressed when you've just been thrown up on a pedestal. Little kids love cops, and just turning on the light bar will make them squeal. The school officials will love it, there are always new cute teachers, and positivity that kids naturally have, will rub off on you.

              Trust me and give is a try.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thought I'd add my two cents.

                Without Me

                I’ve got something to say.
                I don’t care who you are.
                The side of the political fence you stand on, matters not to me.
                If you stand to left or right, open up your ears.
                I am an American, and have been all my years.
                I don’t see the world through gilded windows of privilege and money.
                I work hard every day; to me this is not funny.
                I served my Country in my youth and now I serve my Town.
                I stand before you when you call, with needs however small.
                I wear a badge, a symbol of justice, and a target for others.
                It depends upon the view.
                But either way I’m here to serve, because it’s what I want to do.
                I serve with pride, in the face of fear and adversity.
                I will not run, I will not hide from any adversary.
                Some of you don’t like me, but deep inside, you’re glad that I’m around when your life breaks up in parts.
                Some take me for granted, like water from the faucet.
                You pay your bill, it should be there, but when it isn’t,
                you want to know what caused it.
                It matters not that there are others in the town, delay is not allowed.
                Some do appreciate me and sometimes tell me so. You make my job worth something,
                it brightens up my day, for this I can be proud.
                I don’t do it for the money. Lord knows I won’t get paid what I’m worth.
                I do it because I have to. It’s what I’m called to do. Some are called to preach, some are
                called to teach. I am called to protect you, to stand inside the breach.
                Stop and think upon this. Think what life would be like, if me you could not reach.
                You would have to arm yourself, and sleep in shifts at night.
                You would travel in groups, always ready for a fight.
                You will have to protect yourself. There will be no one to call.
                Anarchy would rule the world and many would fall. The weak will fall and the strong will rise. Nowhere will be safe. Have you pondered upon this before?
                The Marine, the soldier, the sailor, and the airman fight to keep evil from our shore.
                The Police Officer fights, as a collective soul, to keep evil from your door.





                Sgt. R.K. Smith
                Kernersville Police Department
                Kernersville, N.C.
                10/17/2006


                This is how I deal with it. I know it seems "wimpy" but it keeps me sane.

                " Hell, I loved myself when I was drinking, it was other people that didn't like me." Tommy Lee Jones, Man of the House.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Popo, I've felt these same feelings many times in my career (most of us probably have)...blessed we are that we can still care despite the face we have to show the streets that hides how we really feel. Keep on keeping on...Smurfette
                  sigpic

                  I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Drunken Rant.

                    Great post Popo, it really says it all. Puts me in mind of Jack Nicholson's discourse in a "Few Good Men". Well, any of us who wear, or have worn the uniform, "Stand on a wall". That's what we're paid to do. We volunteered. In 38 years of service I really got fed up, still do, with those who moralize, pontificate,criticise, find fault, and only add to the myriad of problems you experience on a daily basis. As Nicholson said, they need to "man a weapon, and stand watch". Really, it's a matter of "put up or shut up". The self appointed experts will do neither. I liked the advice of one poster who suggested visiting a school. One of the things that encouraged me over the years was the kid(s) who, regardless of color would wave at the unit as I drove by. It gave me a little hope. Stay safe, and thanks for caring!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      When you only pal around with fellow cops, when you stop going out of your way to show courtesy towards the stranger at the table beside you in a returanmt, when you isolate yourself from the community in which you live, when you no longer look at violators and arrestees as "people" just like you but with different baggage, when a whole department sees itself as the elite, .... it's not long before the public will distance itself likewise .... and you won't get any "attaboys".

                      It takes work (but it's fun work), and here in my area .... we work at it and even now I can go sit in a local resturant in uniform or out, and more likely than not, someone is going to come over who I may have seen last week or 20 years ago, maybe someone I once arrested or took a report from, and they are going to have some good words, and a handshake. Don't matter to me if anyone believes it, it's just as true. It's something that was instilled in us several old timers in the area by the old hands who were here in the '70s. Whatever "it" is, "it" works.

                      Attitude is a decision we make every day. If you got into police work with the expectation of more than a regular pay check, some benifits, and job security .... you set yourself up. The "it" I speak of is the icing on the cake. I have seen first hand in one town where the department distanced itself from it's citizens, and it took them a long time to get "it" back. I can't tell you what "it" is as I have never seen the word for it, but I know it exist, I know it is fragile, I know it's value in letting one go home feeling good.


                      Hope you find "it" soon "POPO".



                      I never supported the "I love me" wall you see in almost any office you go into.
                      This whole thread is one in the making.


                      Stay safe all .........
                      Last edited by t150vsuptpr; 04-06-2007, 01:37 PM.
                      "That's right man, we've got mills here that'll blow that heap of your's right off the road."

                      "Beautiful Daughter of the Stars."(it's my home now)

                      >>>>> A Time for Choosing <<<<<

                      Retired @ 31yr 2mo as of 0000 hrs. 01-01-10. Yeah, all in all, it was good.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        From one brother to another - if you can, attend the training offered by Dr. Kevin Gilmartin. If that isn't possible, get a copy of his book, Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement. Read it and believe it. Here is a web link: http://emotionalsurvival.com/about.htm

                        And, before you dismiss this suggestion, let me tell you that I have been in this business for 36 years. I have worked everything from a tiny rural Nebraska P.D. to a large metro-Denver S.O. I've worked patrol, the jail, undercover vice/narcotics, civil, and investigations. I've been at the bottom of the barrel to close to the top (I'm now a captain/division commander). I am not a warm fuzzy tree-hugger. I am a hard-nosed crabby old bastard who tolerates no bull****.

                        Gilmartin knows what the hell he is talking about. I went to his class a month ago, and it was like he could see inside my head. He is a retired cop, so he isn't one of those clowns that just has diplomas on the wall. I just wish to hell I'd have had the class (and the book) at the start of my career instead of towards the end.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I actually have the book need to read it now. That rant came after a particularly bad call that night. I still love the job and care about it but every once in a while you gotta vent. Guess those A's in english class paid off finally. Oh and in my district they dispatch 4 officers to form a perimeter around the elementary school when it let's out to break up fights. They move to the middle and the high later as they let out.
                          Last edited by POPO-FLA; 04-06-2007, 11:28 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by POPO-FLA
                            Oh and in my district they dispatch 4 officers to form a perimeter around the elementary school when it let's out to break up fights. They move to the middle and the high later as they let out.
                            I have no idea what to say to that.. when I get new armor want me to send my old one down so you can double up?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by cst.sb
                              I have no idea what to say to that.. when I get new armor want me to send my old one down so you can double up?
                              Got that level III armor and I bought an AR-15 which sits in a rack right above my head.

                              Comment

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