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So when was the last time you had your Nuts in a Vice?

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  • So when was the last time you had your Nuts in a Vice?

    So I go to answer a Noise Complaint/Loud Music... Yippeeee

    No biggie, I'll roll up, tell them to turn it down, and I can go to dinner. I am two blocks away and can hear the ****. Damn it's loud. Is it a live Band or what?

    I roll up, and no one is in the yard, but the music is blaring. It is coming from the 3rd floor screened-in porch. I go to the door and commence the Cop Knock. You know, the butt end of a streamlight against the metal door. I am banging, and banging, and banging. The music is so loud, I can barely hear myself banging on the door.

    Finally after 5 mintues of beating on every door on the dammned place, and with neighbors watching, I get Central to locate a phone number to call the numb nuts inside. Central calls and gets a female to say she would come to the door.

    A couple of minutes pass and the music turns off. I hear a lady yell, so I walk out to the driveway and look up at her on the screened-in porch. She says, "What the **** you want?"

    I'm annoyed for having to wait so long, and her question just rubbed me wrong. I advise her to come downstairs and outside so I could speak with her about the music. She replies, "Why?"

    Now I am ****ed. "You can come down and take a citation, or you can go to Jail. Your choice."

    She asks if I "..have a Decibel Meter".

    I ask "what for".

    She says I "...must have one".

    I say "I don't have to have one, I could hear the music from down the damn street, now come here".

    She replies, "**** you, get off of my property".

    I say, "No I will not, you are under arrest".

    She says, "Get off my ****ing property mother ****er, til you get a ****ing warrant" as she flips the bird at me.

    I reply, "Yes Ma'am. Your home is seized at this point. No one can leave and no one can enter. I shall have a warrant shortly" I call for an assist from my Sgt.

    As I am waiting at my car, with her yelling vulgarities, over the music she turned back up, her roommate (a man) comes out to speak with me. He's a dick too, but he isn't cursing me. While explaining to him the reason for my valued presence, she becomes brave and comes outside. Goodie.

    She starts with me again, so I just say, "You're under arrest"

    She says, again, "**** You" and begins to walk away. I start after her. She starts to run. I start to run. I snatch her overweight, two piece thong bikini wearing *** by her arms as she tries to hit the garage door button. Slam her up against her truck and reach for my handcuffs. She grabs two handfulls of MY NUTS and begins the squeeze! (Central stated later that they heard me say "Let the hell go....... Central I need an assist 10-18".

    Her roommate walks up briskly yelling, "Let her go"... he is promptly told to stay the **** away from me. I get her cuffed and drag her nasty drunk *** to my uncaged car. She refused to walk. I had to assist her into the vehicle, as she tried to kick me. My Sgt shows up and speaks with the roommate.

    When I try to seatbelt her in, she tries to bite me in the face! When I start to drive away to the jail, she starts ripping my laptop of its mount. Stop, snatch her out and assist her to the prone position until a caged car showed.

    On top of Assault on LE, Injury to Property, Resist Delay Obstruct and the County Noise Violation, she was found in contempt by the Magistrate (Same vulgar mouth at the Mags window) and is refused release until Sunday night, then she''ll have to post $5000.00 secured.

    All for a dammned noise violation. A dammned, "turn it down" and I'm gone call.
    What is it about, "Thou shalt not.....", do some people not understand?
    Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

  • #2
    LOL sorry to hear man...sounds like she got what she deserved...to bad her bond wasn't much higher....I love it when we get those kind of people here in the jail
    ...

    Comment


    • #3
      Damn, man....guess the whole "don't hit women" thing went out the window, huh?

      Never had one grab the boys before....I was in pain just reading it
      Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves.

      Ronald Reagan

      Comment


      • #4
        The Dispatcher should have figured out that the proverbial **** was hitting the fan when you started issuing verbal commands in soprano.

        BTW I too have seen more than my share of obese females wearing revealing clothing...for the love of all that is decent I just say why... WHY?!
        Disclaimer: The writer does not represent any organization, employer, entity or other individual. The first amendment protected views/commentary/opinions/satire expressed are those only of the writer. In the case of a sarcastic, facetious, nonsensical, stirring-the-pot, controversial or devil's advocate-type post, the views expressed may not even reflect those of the writer.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by acreature
          So I go to answer a Noise Complaint/Loud Music... Yippeeee

          No biggie, I'll roll up, tell them to turn it down, and I can go to dinner. I am two blocks away and can hear the ****. Damn it's loud. Is it a live Band or what?

          I roll up, and no one is in the yard, but the music is blaring. It is coming from the 3rd floor screened-in porch. I go to the door and commence the Cop Knock. You know, the butt end of a streamlight against the metal door. I am banging, and banging, and banging. The music is so loud, I can barely hear myself banging on the door.

          Finally after 5 mintues of beating on every door on the dammned place, and with neighbors watching, I get Central to locate a phone number to call the numb nuts inside. Central calls and gets a female to say she would come to the door.

          A couple of minutes pass and the music turns off. I hear a lady yell, so I walk out to the driveway and look up at her on the screened-in porch. She says, "What the **** you want?"

          I'm annoyed for having to wait so long, and her question just rubbed me wrong. I advise her to come downstairs and outside so I could speak with her about the music. She replies, "Why?"

          Now I am ****ed. "You can come down and take a citation, or you can go to Jail. Your choice."

          She asks if I "..have a Decibel Meter".

          I ask "what for".

          She says I "...must have one".

          I say "I don't have to have one, I could hear the music from down the damn street, now come here".

          She replies, "**** you, get off of my property".

          I say, "No I will not, you are under arrest".

          She says, "Get off my ****ing property mother ****er, til you get a ****ing warrant" as she flips the bird at me.

          I reply, "Yes Ma'am. Your home is seized at this point. No one can leave and no one can enter. I shall have a warrant shortly" I call for an assist from my Sgt.

          As I am waiting at my car, with her yelling vulgarities, over the music she turned back up, her roommate (a man) comes out to speak with me. He's a dick too, but he isn't cursing me. While explaining to him the reason for my valued presence, she becomes brave and comes outside. Goodie.

          She starts with me again, so I just say, "You're under arrest"

          She says, again, "**** You" and begins to walk away. I start after her. She starts to run. I start to run. I snatch her overweight, two piece thong bikini wearing *** by her arms as she tries to hit the garage door button. Slam her up against her truck and reach for my handcuffs. She grabs two handfulls of MY NUTS and begins the squeeze! (Central stated later that they heard me say "Let the hell go....... Central I need an assist 10-18".

          Her roommate walks up briskly yelling, "Let her go"... he is promptly told to stay the **** away from me. I get her cuffed and drag her nasty drunk *** to my uncaged car. She refused to walk. I had to assist her into the vehicle, as she tried to kick me. My Sgt shows up and speaks with the roommate.

          When I try to seatbelt her in, she tries to bite me in the face! When I start to drive away to the jail, she starts ripping my laptop of its mount. Stop, snatch her out and assist her to the prone position until a caged car showed.

          On top of Assault on LE, Injury to Property, Resist Delay Obstruct and the County Noise Violation, she was found in contempt by the Magistrate (Same vulgar mouth at the Mags window) and is refused release until Sunday night, then she''ll have to post $5000.00 secured.

          All for a dammned noise violation. A dammned, "turn it down" and I'm gone call.

          I know you just had too much patienec. She waould have had a maglite on top of her head if she grabbed my nutts. lol ouch

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Crex4242
            I know you just had too much patienec. She waould have had a maglite on top of her head if she grabbed my nutts. lol ouch
            I have come to the conclusion that the thigh holstered Taser shall accompany me on Noise Complaints now.

            It was in the car
            What is it about, "Thou shalt not.....", do some people not understand?
            Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

            Comment


            • #7
              LOL. great story.. except for the handful of sack. cant say Ive dealt with that...
              And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”- Romans 8:28

              Comment


              • #8
                What a wondeful day that was .. Every officer should enjoy one that refreshing and relaxing at least once per month.

                Comment


                • #9
                  That chick got you good !!!

                  She must have wanted the free meals from the state..

                  Why else would she pull that stunt?

                  Turn it down, I'm sorry officer and she could have been back in her own bed in 60 seconds..

                  That tells me she wanted to go to jail.. She's probably thinking she's got you right were she wants ya!

                  LOL..
                  Stupid is as Stupid does

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Good story

                    Funny thing one of our agent got squeezed too... by a drunk Inuit last evening shift...it got to hurt...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Had a drunk woman take a swing at me once and she did it only once. I'm 6'7" 275 I nailed her square on the jaw dropped on the hard floor and said "You want to fight like a man take a hit like a man" She got up and was very quiet after that.

                      Another time we had a young white girl kicking and screaming and biting at us when a black female deputy pushed through all of us and told her you keep it up and I'm gonna stomp your white ***.
                      All got quiet.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        nothing to see here
                        Last edited by olnacl; 05-18-2006, 02:24 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Ah, glad thats over. Just got them out. Had to talk to the wife about finances.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Damn, that sucks, it only took one incident when i was a rookie for me to fully appreciate and invest in a protective cup
                            Those that do evil to innocent people,The Robbers, Murderers, Rapists, Pimps, Prostitutes, The Simps, Sadists, Sinners, You will come to know me well, I am The Punisher.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              nothing to see here
                              Last edited by olnacl; 05-18-2006, 02:23 PM.

                              Comment

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