Funniest things i've heard

[SkyCop418]

Tonight there was an arrest of a very intox. subject who couldnt even stand... we are training new officers and as they were taking him out of the car he was like Whoa whoa hey wait wait!!! So they all jump back and are like whats up man... He says to them " I just farted really bad, so you may wanna plug your nose!" I bout fell out! Should have seen the look on their faces lolol!

[davidh304]

If they issued nose plugs I would arrest transients.

[SkyCop418]

haha yup i agree dave. Working in an international airport can get really smelly sometimes! Sick to see that some countries don't/cant bathe on a regular basis!

[Kevin_Callahan]

I was doing field dexterity tests on a drunk once. When I got done I told him to turn around as I was arresting him for OUIL. He looks at me and says "Uh Oh......." I said "Uh Oh what?" He says "I just pooped my pants" Longest ride in the world to the jail. All windows down at 40mph even though it was 20 degrees out. I won that game of freeze out!

[Bobecc]

One of the guys on my squad had just gotten a new Crown Vic, he'd had it maybe three days. First guy he has to transport in it pukes and ****es in the back seat. Everyone but him laughed about that for some time

[Toledocop]

AI was in court this morning on a guy who was driving with an openm container of beer. His excuse?? He was driving it to recycle center!!!!!

[251]

Was working court duty a week or so ago. An inmate had been released on conditional bond the night before and had another bond violation hearing set for the following Friday. Before he was out 3 hours, he had violated his bond and had been rearrested. I took him up to court and the same judge sees him. He is a little troubled seeing him on this case again so soon. He slams a bigger bond on him, basically telling him he is going to stay in jail since he cannot live up to the conditions on his bonds (2 cases, 3 violations in a couple days). Judge asks if he has any questions. This guy looks up and says, "Could you please stop setting my bonds so high?" I nearly busted a gut.

George

[cst.sb]

Was working court duty a week or so ago. An inmate had been released on conditional bond the night before and had another bond violation hearing set for the following Friday. Before he was out 3 hours, he had violated his bond and had been rearrested. I took him up to court and the same judge sees him. He is a little troubled seeing him on this case again so soon. He slams a bigger bond on him, basically telling him he is going to stay in jail since he cannot live up to the conditions on his bonds (2 cases, 3 violations in a couple days). Judge asks if he has any questions. This guy looks up and says, "Could you please stop setting my bonds so high?" I nearly busted a gut.

George

Here the bad guy doesn't have to ask for a reduction in their release conditions because the Judges take of that for them! They justify it by saying that they don't want to set the Bag Guy up for failure!!!

Read my tag below that was about three blocks ago. I arrested the guy after he was involved in a pursuit in a stolen car, he then ditched it and stolen another one, did a couple commercial B&Es. He then dumped that car and tried to steal two more, all within a two hour period! What was also funny was that he fled onto the above grade rapid transit system and told me that he saw me going code underneath his train and knew he was $crewed.

[webjeep]

If they issued nose plugs I would arrest transients.

One of the good points of having a couple of vans, I don't have to smell em if I don't want to.

[DPD144]

These two males were attempting to steal a car stereo when the owner of the vehicle pulls up. The two males take off running down a bike path towards the end of town. I spotted them coming off the trail on to the highway. I stopped them and attempted to approach them when the odor hit me. These two guys got nailed by a skunk walking down the trail. They stunk...
Then myself and another officer had the pleasure transporting them to jail.
That really made the detention officers day.