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Best Thing You Ever Heard on Primary Radio Frequency:


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  • #46
    1). One of our deputies was responding to a fully-engulfed structure fire, fire department onscene.

    "Dispatch, can you advised the numerics again?"

    "XXX it's going to be the one with the firetrucks in the driveway and the flames coming out of it."

    30 seconds of silence...


    2). One of the Lieutenants was chasing a suped up 4-wheeler and another deputy was right behind the Lieutenant. LT was cooking...and the deputy was a little slow. Suddenly you hear the LT say:

    "What's the matter, XXX, right peddle broke?"

    3). Deputy radios in and gives disposition...said he spoke with a woman by the name of (insert ridiculously long foreign name here), etc.

    "Common spelling on that?"

    "That's affirmative!"
    There are only three acceptable answers to a given question: Yes, no or I don't know.


    • #47
      Two detectives working night shift pull into a drive-in restaurant for food. The unmarked car has a foot button to control the radio so no one sees them holding a radio microphone. The detectives do not sign out at the restaurant on the radio so no one knows where they are (1972, when there were no GPS tracking) For about 30 minutes, we all got a blow-by-blow account of how the car hop had a really hot ***, big bouncy t**s, what they would do with her given the chance....etc
      My comments are my personal opinion and are based on my life experiences and training. They are not to be construed as legal advice in any form as I am not an attorney. Should you act on any of the information I provide in my comments, you do so at your own risk!!


      • #48
        dispatch : be in rout to a loose animal call. 4 ducks wadering in yard. Complainant is scared

        Officer: 10-4. Are they aggressive?

        Dispatch: Ohhhhhhh, not sure.

        Sgt: officer xxx disregard that call. Dispatch give me a call.

        Ha Ha I laughed for 10 min after that.


        • #49
          Originally posted by jcuga1992 View Post
          dispatch : be in rout to a loose animal call. 4 ducks wadering in yard. Complainant is scared

          Officer: 10-4. Are they aggressive?

          Dispatch: Ohhhhhhh, not sure.

          Sgt: officer xxx disregard that call. Dispatch give me a call.

          Ha Ha I laughed for 10 min after that.
          This quacked me up!
          #32936 - Royal Canadian Mounted Police - 1975-10-27 / 2010-12-29
          Proud Dad of #54266 - RCMP - 2007-02-12 to date
          RCMP Veterans Association - Regina Division member
          Mounted Police Professional Association of Canada - Associate (Retired) member
          "Smile" - no!


          • #50
            We have had more than our fair share at our agency. We had an older dispatcher with a fairly heavy Southern accent. He put out a call for an armed person as "Respond for the man with a rifle in the woods". Only trouble is, everybody heard as "raffle in the woods". The primary unit asked him several times to 10-9 (repeat). Each time he said "raffle in the woods". Finally he says, "you know raffle, bang bang".

            My all time favorite was a sergeant with a very distinct accent picking up an officer at Central Booking who has a very distinct deep voice. Apparently the officer keyed the console mic as he got in the car and we hear him shuffling around. The sergeant can be heard saying "damn, I think she likes you". The officer responds "well sarge, I ain't saying I'm the best but when I hit a b****h off, she don't forget it". This is follwed by a cell phone ringing and the deep voiced officer saying "s**t". I still love reminding him of this.
            Last edited by Metro174; 09-01-2012, 07:47 AM. Reason: Typos
            In God we trust, all others are run MILES and NCIC.


            • #51
              Locations involving "upper rear" get a giggity and a repeat.

              Got this call a couple weeks ago:

              Dispatch: "Caller refused, but states he can see two females smoking a crack rock in a black vehicle, about 100ft from him @ XYZ."

              ME: License plate or description on the females?

              Dispatch: "Negative, caller says they are too far away to get a description. All he can see is the crack."

              ME: 10-4. Big crack rock.
              Individual Responsibility
              If found, please return to society.


              • #52
                Central- "10-10 Dangerous raccoon in complaintants backyard

                Unit " Got a descrip?"

                Central-"wearing a black mask"


                • #53
                  Deputy- "XXXX to radio, traffic stop"

                  Dispatch-"Go ahead"

                  Deputy- " Ill be out with !!!JESUS CHRIST!!!!" ( Violator drives off into ditch)

                  Dispatch- " Copy, out with the Lord"


                  • #54
                    After the local sheriffs office spent an hour rescuing a dozen ducklings out of a storm drain and transported them to safety in a patrol car on a quiet Sunday morning...the last deputy says

                    "What a clusterduck."

                    The story made the local paper and they even printed several parts of the radio traffic.


                    • #55
                      Officer: "Can you run a 28 by VIN if you have a sec?"
                      Dispatch: "Sure, I have lots of secs (sex).."

                      I've also seen a lot of humorous typos in the text of our calls:

                      "Vehicle was hit by semin and driver left the scene." - Needless to say, I avoided that call.

                      Also had a noise complaint about a dog who had been "parking all night long." One of my shiftmates got on the radio and advised he was enroute for the "parking dog" and asked if the dog was parked in a handicapped space or fire zone.
                      "No one can make you feel like a turd without your permission." - Eleanor Roosevelt.


                      • #56
                        Back in the early 90's D/FW region had a number of incidents involving skinheads. One night dispatch asked for any unit available to investigate a vehicle occupied by four skinheads, giving location, direction of travel and vehicle description.

                        One of my squad mates keyed up and said, " I think I know those four skins."

                        Bought near choked on my coffee.


                        • #57
                          Fifteen minutes of an open mic on morning watch (overnight) in one of our busier precincts. It involved phone sex and flavored lubricants. Quote of the night: "Ohhhh yeah, that sh#t makes your dingleberries taste like limes and strawberries."
                          Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day for the sheepdog is prepared and has the capacity for violence.

                          "Do like I do in situations similar, just get the Magic 8 ball out ask the question, shake it a few times and take it from there. "--DACP


                          • #58
                            Watonga PD car 6.

                            Six go ahead.

                            Didja get my CB?


                            Didja lock the truck up?


                            Oh no! Now I can't get back in!

                            Just pull my little trick with the knife and the vent window.

                            Ok. (pause)

                            Watonga PD car 6.

                            SIX GO ahead!

                            Did the dog bark?

                            Nope, he just sat right there and watched me rip off your CB.

                            ........... Wanna buy a dog?
                            Pete Malloy, "The only thing black and white about this job is the car."


                            • #59
                              few years ago, I did a ride along with my buddy in miami dade. he told me to be careful with my elbow so that I don't accidently press the emergency button on the radio. I said of course...

                              here we are sitting in the car and talking about something (I can't remember) as I say 'I would have just fxxxking shot him' my elbow hits the dang emergency button and the radio beeps. my friend looks at me and goes 'SHUT THE FXXK UP' I turn red and dispatch goes ' unit 7cxx QRU?'

                              oh man, I was so embarrassed. that's all I got. nowhere near as good as some of these though. lol


                              • #60
                                A Detective had mistakenly left his radio at someone's house.

                                The Transmission as follows:

                                CIVILIAN: Excuse me.

                                CIVILIAN: Um...you guys left your thing over here at my house.

                                DISPATCH: Check for an open mike.

                                CIVILIAN: You guys left a mic over here at my house. I don't know which one of you guys left it, but it's over at my house.

                                OFFICER / DETECTIVE: We copy...somebody will be en-route.



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