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Best Thing You Ever Heard on Primary Radio Frequency:

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  • #31
    A female suspect had fled from some other officers and I spotted her hiding in a stand of bushes in a field behind an office supply store. I got on the radio to let the officers know where she was so we could get the perimeter up and then kick her up.

    Me: Control, I see X's suspect crawling into a big bush behind Staples.
    Control: I'm clear on the woman with a big bush.
    **awkward silence ensues**
    I miss you, Dave.
    http://www.odmp.org/officer/20669-of...david-s.-moore

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    • #32
      One of our bar district bike units checked out signal 12 (checking person). As he is giving his location he said "he's f-ing running" our Sgt. said "are you in pursuit", unit comes back "negative, he was too fast", mystery radio traffic "your f-ing lazy."

      Our Sgt. told us as long as there were no complaints he wouldn't look into who chimed up for the last part.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by ddurkof View Post

        There was also a BOLO an a man armed with a "shxtgun."
        We were dispatched to a call where the subject trying to break into a house armed with a "Dookie Gun." The complainant was off her meds and that's exactly what she told the calltaker, so that's what dispatch put on the air. I've never heard as many officers requesting dispatch to repeat the description.
        Did you ever notice that incorrectly is only spelled correctly when it's spelled incorrectly?

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        • #34
          One of our younger/newer officers arrived on scene for a residential alarm and after a minute he radioed his backup (an older, more "seasoned" officer) who was stil en-route:

          New officer:"When you get here, I'm in the back with an open door. Just hop over the wall and you'll see me."
          Older officer:"You want me to hop over a wall"

          LONG pause

          New officer: "Sigh, Just let me know when you get here. I'll let you in the front gate."

          I don't know if it's as funny in text. A lot of the humor probably came from the tone of disbelief the older officer had and the defeated sound of the newer officer's voice. We ragged the older officer for a while about it.
          Did you ever notice that incorrectly is only spelled correctly when it's spelled incorrectly?

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          • #35
            Are you telling me that not a single guy on this website works with the cop in Memphis that was tagging some broad in his cruiser?
            Or Myrtle Beach?
            Last edited by joe publik; 08-15-2012, 10:12 PM. Reason: cause I have a broken finger

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            • #36
              Someone asked one of our females how far she was from a call
              her response "I'm about 8 out"

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              • #37
                A call came out for a 13P(suspicious person) who was apparently walking around with his penis out of his jeans.

                The officer assigned the call said on the radio, "Dispatch, what's the physical description of the 13P-enis?"

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                • #38
                  "3202, copy a noise disturbance. Complainant believes it's either a cat in heat or a motor running."

                  ...10 minutes later, 3202 sorts out the call.

                  "3202, Dispatch, the noise heard is tree frogs."

                  "Copy, 3202, natural noises."

                  Probably had to be there but it was frigging hilarious at the time.

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                  • #39
                    Naive dispatcher: "Car 8, respond to the mall for a report of a man choking his chicken in the parking lot. Do you want me to contact Animal Control?"

                    I was laughing so hard I drove up over the curb, and the radio didn't stop clicking for a few minutes.

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                    • #40
                      One of the guys on our squad went to a call of an elderly gentleman masturbating on his front porch. The suspect in this is one of our regulars and does this intentionally as he lives right across from an apartment complex. Of course when the officer gets there the old mans has it put away and denies everything. My fellow officer drives down the street and hides, pointing his camera at the guy's front porch. Sure enough, a short time later the old man is back at at. What comes out over the radio is, "XXX, I'll be back out at my last call. The old man has it out and is yanking on it again." Dispatch, not to be outdone, replies, "I'm clear. You're back out with the masturbater."

                      Mind you, this cop is the same guy who got a ride with a civilian during a foot pursuit he was losing.

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                      • #41
                        Yes definitely some of the best is when a higher up female with bras was in the backseat of a patrol car with a lower end shift supervisor doing the horizontal mambo and one of them had a stuck key. They don't work here anymore.

                        Then there was a pursuit of a guy that almost ran over one pf our units when he took off from a traffic stop and when he bailed and jumped in a lake to get away all you heard was "10 4 he jumped in the lake..........I'm going in after him" not enough supervisors got on and told him no lol.

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                        • #42
                          Guy on my squad gets a call about a dude masturbating in front of a convenience store. He arrives and sure enough, there's the guy.

                          "Control, I'll be out on that subject who is out with his subject".

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                          • #43
                            After a foot pursiut, "Central I'm 10-72. Get on the ground Mother [email protected]#%@#$%!" I laughed my tail off.

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                            • #44
                              Fall 1996(?). I was working alone, and was closer to Fortuna ND (25 kms) than my office (60 kms). Dispatch gives me a report of a stolen vehicle from a farm yard between me and my office. I had to go to a pay phone (LONG gone now), use my government-issued phone card and called the victim. I get the descriptions of his SUV, and the car that also fled the yard, found out he had another vehicle and a cell phone, so asked him and his wife to head out towards me. The plan was he would phone my dispatcher if he finds either, or both, vehicles, while I headed towards them. I called dispatch to update them.

                              I soon see 2 vehicles approaching, when the 2nd passes the 1st. As I meet them, the descriptions match the stolen and 2nd suspect vehicles. On with lights and siren, U-turn, and THEY STOP!

                              I grab WHAT I THOUGHT WAS the public-address system mic and begin yelling orders for the occupants to get out of the vehicles with their hands up. After doing this a couple of times and getting no reaction, I step out of the car and yell, which gets the drivers moving.

                              As I cuff the nearest driver, I quickly scan his vehicle and note no other occupant, so I yell at the farther one to NOT move, as I bring the closest driver back to my "client livery carriage compartment".

                              Getting nearer to my patrol car, I realize there is a LOT of chatter on the radio, and its about me, with Muzak of sirens and roaring engines in the background. I get on the radio mic and realize THAT was the one I was yelling commands to my "clients" with!

                              I was on a channel that I use when I am in that area, but it is not one I use for most of my patrol. The other Detachment that normally uses that channel was aware that I had something on the go, but were not up-to-speed on the details, however they were en route. Dispatch tells me that they had called the City Police, who normally do not come out that far, but were closer, and no sooner had I been told that when I heard sirens, and screeching tires coming to a HALT!

                              "Client" #1 was put into the City Sgt's car; "client" #2 was cuff-and-stuffed into the City Constable's car. As the City PS members left, my victim arrived on-scene; at my request, he waited until I searched and photographed his SUV before leaving the scene.

                              When I got to the car, I found a VERY real-looking BB pellet pistol on the right front passenger seat. When I checked the licence plate, I found out that the car had been stolen from outside of Indian Head Saskatchewan (about 1 hour drive North from my city).

                              When dispatch heard about this car, they relayed to me that Indian Head RCMP were investigating a break-in at a trouble-youth camp, then there was a car stolen from Medicine Hat Alberta (about 5 hour drive West of Indian Head SK) that had been abandoned where the car I had was stolen from.

                              Turned out these fine under-18 year old "youth" had been on a spree of take-and-dump auto thefts in Medicine Hat, using the last one to travel to the camp where one of them had been "rehabilitated" once. WHY they chose to come to my area, hit THAT victim's yard, continue towards ND, and STOP for me, I never did find out.

                              Did I ever mention that I tend to ramble on?

                              PS: for those of you that know me and how dusty my gatt was, I DID have my pistol on-target that night. I shudder to this day to think what might have been had that kid come out with that BB pistol!

                              PSS: I had a cell phone that night, but NO coverage.
                              Last edited by PeteBroccolo; 08-26-2012, 07:41 PM.
                              #32936 - Royal Canadian Mounted Police - 1975-10-27 / 2010-12-29
                              Proud Dad of #54266 - RCMP - 2007-02-12 to date
                              RCMP Veterans Association - Regina Division member
                              Mounted Police Professional Association of Canada - Associate (Retired) member
                              "Smile" - no!

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                              • #45
                                A unit was responding to a deer vs. vehicle call, driver was continuing on as he didn't have much damage and was on his way to work.

                                Unit marks on scene, a few minutes go by...

                                Unit: go ahead and show the deer fled the scene on foot, no charges, 10-8.

                                Dispatch: Uhhhhhh 10-4?

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