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Best Thing You Ever Heard on Primary Radio Frequency:


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  • Best Thing You Ever Heard on Primary Radio Frequency:

    What is the funniest/ best thing you have ever heard said over the radio?

    For me, one of the best was getting dispatched to a motorist assist, and the dispatcher stated that the "driver was attempting to jack-off the vehicle".

    Oh, I have more, but what about you folks?

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  • #2
    Well I didn't actually hear this...mainly because it was me.

    I was sitting running LIDAR (and jamming out to some AC/DC), and apparently had switched on my handheld with my seat moving back and forth. There was a lull in the traffic so I set down the LIDAR and was really jamming out now. I like to click the mic when I am bored, and started to do so, not knowing my handheld in on....so I'm sitting there, "DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP," while keyed up. I hear the radio in my car click...my heart sinks...dispatcher gets on, "XXX did you have traffic?"
    I reply, "Uhhh...negative."
    Then my partner being friggins rats me out, "XXX key up your handheld see what it IDs."
    Luckily, we were the only 2 on that night...
    "To hell with a supervisor, men follow a leader" -Texas Ranger Captain Allee

    "Regard your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys; look on them as your own beloved sons, and they will stand by you even unto death."
    -Sun Tzu


    • #3
      XXXX start heading to the hospital, where you'll be picking up a mental case... wait what??? mental case?

      CPD radio traffic is THE best... Have a foot pursuit of a burglar, they catch up with the guy place him against the wall and you hear over the open mike... "hands up meatball!!!..."

      Beat Cop had an open mic for like 3 minutes after being advised numerous times... The dispatcher says over air.. " I can't believe I work in these conditions, W*T*F"... Finally the open key goes away the partner says sorry my partner has fat fingers. Another officer chimes in and says "funny so does my proctologist." And yet again another officer says "hey man I'd look into getting a better medical plan if I were you...." I was freaking cracking up when i heard that.
      Alex: You do what you are Jezzie.

      Jezzie: You mean you are what you do.

      Alex: No, I mean, you do what you are. You're born with a gift. If not that, then you get good at something along the way. And what you're good at, you don't take for granted. You don't betray it.

      Jezzie: What if you do, betray your gift?

      Alex: Then you betray yourself. That's a sad thing.


      • #4
        We were having a mic problem in our dispatch. Dispatch just switched to a new head set. The head set would for no reason activate the dispatchers mic.

        Well on mids, our dispatcher was watching cheaters. The radio switched itself on and i just heard "oh my God, what a bitch"! (In a very girly voice)

        4 Officers at once keyed up their radios and yelled open mic. LOL

        luckily we had a good supervisor that night who understood.


        • #5
          Deputy to dispatch when a drunk passed out and became nonresponsive: "He's going down on me and I can't arouse him!"
          Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem. - Ronald Reagan

          I don't think It'll happen in the US because we don't trust our government. We are a country of skeptics, raised by skeptics, founded by skeptics. - Amaroq


          • #6
            Originally posted by ateamer View Post
            Deputy to dispatch when a drunk passed out and became nonresponsive: "He's going down on me and I can't arouse him!"
            Be safe pulling back into the thread...


            • #7
              "Radio, can I get a second unit? Homeboy is getting belligerent."


              • #8
                Ateamer wins..................................

                Christmas Eve 1981...........................
                Unit 389 is an air support unit----
                10-38 traffic stop
                10-55 Drunk Driver

                "Dispatch 398"

                "Go ahead 398"

                "398 10-38 1000 ft above IE Tower with a red sleigh and one 10-55 driver"

                30 seconds of dead quiet followed by 2 minutes of mic clicking.


                Deputy going out to a sports complex on an alarm....................I am in dispatch with the shift supervisor................................when we hear over Main OPS frequency

                "Stop you muthaFxxxer.............or I 'll blow your head off................"

                Deputy had caught a burglar running from the shop, had his hand held in his winter gloved hand (before shoulder mics were normal)....and pulled his weapon using his HT& hand as a steady for his gun hand.......pressing the P-T_T button as he yelled

                The Lieutenant really did fall out of his chair laughing.........
                Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

                My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS


                • #9
                  Dispatcher: "All units are on standby, my MDT is tryna go down on me."


                  • #10
                    "I just blew a tranny in my car"
                    Last edited by pcf; 07-28-2012, 07:04 PM.


                    • #11
                      The Dispatcher is putting out a description of a suspect from a Gun call. "Black male, 5'8, dark hoody, blue jeans". A few seconds later he updates weapon info..."Caller says suspect had a Black C*ck...I mean a Black C*ck...Oh why bother...". He meant to spit out Black Glock but couldn't get the right words out! I've never heard ribbing over the air after that incident like what I heard that night. Good stuff.


                      • #12
                        I always laugh at our dispatchers when they dispatch us to "1218 S Polk in the rear". I laugh and say giggity.


                        • #13
                          Agent X gets stung by mutliple bees and is allegeric. Puts out on radio what happens. A paramedic trained agent ask "describe how it feels" agent X says "ones hot and one is mild". Next random agent chimes in "you ordering wings?"


                          • #14
                            Dispatcher with a stuck mike discussing her boyfriend situation with another dispatcher -

                            "I don't know if he wants me for my body or for myself."

                            Several officers responded with their opinions.
                            Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere


                            • #15
                              Two I heard a long time ago...

                              Sergeant clearing from an alarm call when a car made a sudden left turn infront of him:

                              "Were clear from this call, TURN IN FRONT OF ME YOU DUMB SON OF A BITCH!!"

                              Brand new Fire Captain arriving at his first working structure fire in the middle of the night:

                              "Engine 13 on scene, DAMN, LOOK AT THAT MOTHER GOOOOOO!"
                              My comments are my personal opinion and are based on my life experiences and training. They are not to be construed as legal advice in any form as I am not an attorney. Should you act on any of the information I provide in my comments, you do so at your own risk!!


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