My Son Saw his First Suicide

[1042 Trooper]

Last night my son resoponded to his first suicide. A 9mm ijn the mouth.

He is troubled but in true 1042 tradition, joked with me about it on the phone. Something about how a human skull looks like a cereal bowl in this situation.

He is such an innocent and wonderful boy, yet so much more a man than I ever was at his age. God I love him so.

This job is almost impossible at times. I know it all too well but am powerless to stop the shock from getting to him. I am at once proud, yet sorrowful for him. His innocence is gone now.

God, please hold his hand as he learns the realities of human weakness.

[deputymel]

I am really sorry to hear what you son dealth with, but his strength comes from watching his own father.. sounds like your son followed his fathers path and its great that you supported him before and now as a cop. he will see from the good to the evil in this sick world.. at least he has a outlet and he called you...

[deputy x 2]

As a proud dad....you are only responsible for providing the foundation...where upon he will build the structure. A nice gesture from him is he too loves his pops and knows that you will always be there for him.

Sounds like he just needed some reassurance and he's back traveling on life's path. He's quite not sure of what lies ahead. He's heard all of your stories growing up....and chose to follow that same path. Good for him...like I said before...it's the greatest job on earth.

Troop he'll be fine.

[Ignite]

The best thing he can have support-wise is a dad who has "been there, done that" and can reassure him.

[M1garand]

Your son was going to witness something like that soon or later. Something he'll have to learn to accept it and has to go through one way or the other. I just hope that he doesn't turn into alcohol or something alike to deal with the stress. I'll pray for your son.

Sound like you have a great son and I hope I can have such a great relationship with my son.

[JasperST]

Sounds like you did well in raising him, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[pujolsfan146]

Sorry to hear this. This officers dad is one tough level headed and caring person so I am confident the son will press on with the fight and be good to go!

[jgilts]

Your son is lucky to have you to sound off to. At first I did not care about losing my innocence. I figured it was a cost of doing business. I also know that that part of me is gone. A few years ago I realized I missed it (sometimes). I started watching my kids and enjoying their innocence more. I hope that if there is not already a 3rd generation of 1042s running around, that your kid will get some satisfaction from that when the time is right. I am confident that he keep on fighting the good fight. Good luck

[NYCDep]

1042, how long has your son been on the job?

[That Guy]

sounds like he is off to a good start.

[Eastside]

I would be proud if that was my son, he will learn to cope, and be grateful for a good dad too.

[1042 Trooper]

1042, how long has your son been on the job?

Just started last August, finished up his FTO period on last Christmas Eve. (of all times to solo for God's sake).

He has yet to work a bad grinder, has assisted on some bloody fights, but this was his first dead guy. He was enroute and seconds away when the dispatcher reported shots fired. One shot. He and his cover unit approached tactical of course, but entered to find the guy and his brains on separate walls. He was still warm and doing the death gurgle.

He says he's good with it, but didn't we all say that when it happened to us the first time? Truth - I still remember my first - the smells especially. He told me they could still smell the gunpowder when they entered. Thank God no kids oir witnesses on this one, but by the time he finally cleared he had spent four hours with the corpse.

We talked for an hour or so but I know it will be on his mind for awhile. He wonders if he had responded a little quicker could he have made the difference. That kinda stuff..

[Michigan]

Thank God the POS offed himself before your boy got on scene. Nice job.

[borninblue]

I wish I had a family member that was in law enforcement that I could talk to. My father unfortunitly told me I was a fool and selfish for getting into this field. He has since accepted it, but never wants to hear anything about work. I have been on the job for almost 10 years and he still thinks it was a dumb decision. We all want to please our parents and do right in their eyes. You have something special with your son that many yern for. Tell your son your proud of him, you have no idea how much those words mean.

[KenW.]

Everyone deals with traumatic situations differently. As a former critical incident stress peer counselor I've noted several methods.
First and foremost, if he's not a drinker, this would be a poor time to start. Likewise, if he's a drinker, perhaps he shouldn't try to quit right away. No major lifestyle changes right now. Ease into diet, nutrition, and exercise to rid himself of the pent up stress.

If his agency doesn't have a CISD team, local fire departments and hospitals may.