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Animal calls (long but funny)

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  • Animal calls (long but funny)

    I got a funny story about animal calls. The other night we get this call from one of our downtown residents. He swears up and down he can hear a woman being beaten/raped/killed in the wooded area behind his apartment. The area is located directly behind one of our homeless shelters, so crimes do occur in the area often. I go to the guys apartment to see waht is going on. I can't hear anything. My partner is in the woods under the deck I am standing on trying to find something. After a few mins I leave. I tell the guy I will have dispatch call him if we find anything. He is worried sick. He says, "Officer, I know animals...that was no animal. A women is in trouble out there". So as I am walking back to my car my partner calls me on the radio. He found the lady being torn in two. It was a mother raccoon with her head stuck in a large dumpster. She had managed to get herself and the cub coons into the dumpster, but couldn't climb out because it was completly empty. There was a small rust hole in the lower sidewall, so she tried to get out, got her head stuck, and started screaming like hell. We can't leave her there. We will get calls all night on the woman screaming in the woods, and it would have been pretty sucky to leave an animal like that in pain. So I get the crowbar out of my trunk. You rookies listen to me....always carry tools that can get you into places, it will pay off I promise. So now instead of a crowbar, I have an emergency raccoon extraction device. I go around the side of the dumpster and manage to pick up the side of the dumpster just enough so the momma can get her head back in the dumpster. Let me tell you something. I have been down range of rounds coming my way. A few months ago a SKS went off about 15 feet from me. I was more scared getting that coon out of that hole than when badguys have tried to kill me. OH my God. We had to put an old ladder in the dumpster so the coons could get out. You should have seen us, we looked like the keystone Cops running from them as they crawled out. It was maybe the funniest thing I have been on so far. I'm going on 11 yrs, so I have had my moments. And by the way. I hit a deer with my cruiser of the way home that morning. God really has a great sense of humor. You guys be safe. 37Delta

  • #2
    Coons, and Possums.... I've had my run in with a few..... Seems me and one other guy on the shift always get those calls.... and then there was the time I had to shoot a groundhog to save a terrier and the owner of the terrier thought I shot the dog.....;-) Good times
    "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" Romans 12:21

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    • #3
      Thats a good story - very funny. I had some coons eating cat food that the old lady put out for this outdoor cat we had, the bowl was on the porch 10 feet from where I sit on the couch to watch TV. With the back door open in the summer, these little bastards would walk right up and eat, watching me the whole time. I figured I'd be a badass and shoot one from an upstairs window with a bb gun, didnt even phase him. So I got an animal trap and set it up - caught one. Took it far from the house to a wooded area. You should have seen me run when I opened the door to that cage. Like something out of a cartoon, and very much like a little girl. The only thing I didnt do was scream and flap my arms... at least I don't remember doing that.

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      • #4
        That reminds me, one of my higher ups like's to Raccoon (hereby referred to as coon hunting) hunt. So he sets traps up all over town to catch them, we bring them back to the PD. He takes them home the next day.

        So respond and pick up two traps, load them up in the back of the car and off I go. Well, little did I know one of them was a Houdini reincarnate and had some how escape his trap. I open my back car door, unsuspectingly, once back at the PD. Now I am eye to eye with a raccoon. I ran one way, he ran the other. I wish someone would have recorded that and put it on youtube or something.
        You have the right to remain silent, but apparently you lack the skill to exercise that right.

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        • #5
          Um Raccoons, deers bears, or wild dogs my calls in the Bronx wear Rats bigger then a large cat!!!
          Last edited by Ralph8119; 12-11-2008, 08:47 AM.
          Take care and stay safe!
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          • #6
            I don't usually run the dog truck but one night I had to go get it to handle a racoon in the house call. This coon had gotten in through the heating vents and taken up residence in a bathroom. I get there with a snare and snatch him up. After about 2 seconds that coon was done with trying to get away and instead wanted a piece of ME!! I was just going to take him outside and let him go, but I was sure that guy was going to be all over me.

            So, I get him in the cage in the truck and take the snare off. I head to the resevoir to let him go. When I get there I open the cage (carefully) and he's holed up against the back wall... and not coming out. So I put my physics classes into practice and start doing doughnuts in the snow/ice covered (empty) parking lot. After one or two of those I figure he must have gone (or been thrown) out. I drive around carefully looking for tracks. Can't find any and think well crud (not exactly but I don't want to get banned). Anyway, I decide to brave it and get out to check, and the cage was empty. So I figured I missed his tracks and that's that.

            However, driving out of the lot I got an image in my head of this coon clinging to the underside of the truck knawing through the brake lines... Never saw the coon again but I'm with 37delta on the wrath of a coon.
            Most to those who constantly question authority don't know the real answer to their own question. They blindly and lazily question and resist because they resent authority.

            Fella 7/9/2008

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            • #7
              The second most recent one (because the recent was the Geese and I still have nightmares over that one) was a project deer that got into the back of my patrol car.

              I was driving through the projects around 2 or 3 in the morning. I pass by a man and a woman stumbling along with a dog running around near them. I was going to stop and talk to them so I passed by...5-10 MPH in the projects...because I was going to go up a ways and walk back to them. Well, as I cruise by with the windows down on a hot July night, she says "You get out that effing car and I'm going to kick your ***"

              Apparently she wants to talk to me, no? I stopped and got out.

              She is tore out the frame and so is her "friend" but the dog isn't and the dog didn't want me to get near her. After about thirty seconds of verbal abuse, I made the command decision ( ) to arrest her. I tell ole boy to walk off as I'm hookin her up. I fully expected a fight either from her or the dog. Surpringly, I got neither.

              I opened the back door and leaned her against the rear of the car to search her and the dog jumps in my car. I tried to call him out but he just sat and growled at me. I wasn't about to OC a dog in the back of my own unit. I told her to call the dog but she wouldn't...told me it wasn't her dog.

              So I dragged her around to the other side and opened that door.

              Nothing.

              I made swooshing noise and motions with my hands.

              Nothing.

              That mutt wasn't going anywhere.

              I used my asp to poke him. He didn't budge. I was fairly sure a hard strike would have worked, but I couldn't bring myself to physically strike the dog to get him out.

              By this time, back up has arrived. He stood with her (laughing, btw) and I went to the dumpster trying to find old food or something to entice the dog out of my car.

              I couldn't REACH anything in the dumpster and I'm NOT climbing in it. I'd stick her *ss in the back WITH the dog before I did that.

              I found an old peppermint on the floorboard of my front passenger seat. I unwrapped it, held it out to Fido and threw it.

              Nothing.

              *I* ran and got it.

              Brought it back.

              Held it out a bit closer, got the dog's attention and threw it again.

              Nothing.

              I went and got it again much to the amusement of the other Officer.

              I then realized I was playing fetch with my own damn candy.

              I dropped the candy on the ground, reached in the back of the car...the dog growled, I slapped him on the muzzle and snatched aholt of his scruff and dragged his flea-bitten butt out of my car.

              The next shift and I found a slew of stuffed animal dogs all over the inside of my patrol car. THAT started a prank war that the Sarge finally made us quit when one of my partners found sardines shoved into his airconditioning unit.
              sigpic

              I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Smurfette_76 View Post
                The second most recent one (because the recent was the Geese and I still have nightmares over that one) was a project deer that got into the back of my patrol car.

                I was driving through the projects around 2 or 3 in the morning. I pass by a man and a woman stumbling along with a dog running around near them. I was going to stop and talk to them so I passed by...5-10 MPH in the projects...because I was going to go up a ways and walk back to them. Well, as I cruise by with the windows down on a hot July night, she says "You get out that effing car and I'm going to kick your ***"

                Apparently she wants to talk to me, no? I stopped and got out.

                She is tore out the frame and so is her "friend" but the dog isn't and the dog didn't want me to get near her. After about thirty seconds of verbal abuse, I made the command decision ( ) to arrest her. I tell ole boy to walk off as I'm hookin her up. I fully expected a fight either from her or the dog. Surpringly, I got neither.

                I opened the back door and leaned her against the rear of the car to search her and the dog jumps in my car. I tried to call him out but he just sat and growled at me. I wasn't about to OC a dog in the back of my own unit. I told her to call the dog but she wouldn't...told me it wasn't her dog.

                So I dragged her around to the other side and opened that door.

                Nothing.

                I made swooshing noise and motions with my hands.

                Nothing.

                That mutt wasn't going anywhere.

                I used my asp to poke him. He didn't budge. I was fairly sure a hard strike would have worked, but I couldn't bring myself to physically strike the dog to get him out.

                By this time, back up has arrived. He stood with her (laughing, btw) and I went to the dumpster trying to find old food or something to entice the dog out of my car.

                I couldn't REACH anything in the dumpster and I'm NOT climbing in it. I'd stick her *ss in the back WITH the dog before I did that.

                I found an old peppermint on the floorboard of my front passenger seat. I unwrapped it, held it out to Fido and threw it.

                Nothing.

                *I* ran and got it.

                Brought it back.

                Held it out a bit closer, got the dog's attention and threw it again.

                Nothing.

                I went and got it again much to the amusement of the other Officer.

                I then realized I was playing fetch with my own damn candy.

                I dropped the candy on the ground, reached in the back of the car...the dog growled, I slapped him on the muzzle and snatched aholt of his scruff and dragged his flea-bitten butt out of my car.

                The next shift and I found a slew of stuffed animal dogs all over the inside of my patrol car. THAT started a prank war that the Sarge finally made us quit when one of my partners found sardines shoved into his airconditioning unit.
                I always wondered how you came into owner ship of NODONTDOTHAT

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