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Cops By The Group


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  • Cops By The Group

    I thought you would all enjoy this: The author must have been a cop...

    Narcotics units

    Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.

    Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.

    Buy a biker wallet with a big chain. Get numerous tat's.

    Make every case involve overtime $$$.

    Buy bunches of boats, RV's, and motorcycles with that overtime.

    Learn to play golf drunk.

    Considers the $100 spent on lap dances at the local strip club a 'work expense'

    SWAT units

    Wear team T-shirts that are 2 sizes too small, Oakley sunglasses and boots everyday.

    Try to fit the word 'breach' in to every conversation.

    Have a mirror handy to check hair, if you have hair.

    Have 3 knives concealed about your person at any given time.

    Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just practice your SWAT head nod, and flex your biceps at any opportunity.

    Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and Fitness.

    Learn to play golf wearing a gun.

    Community Service units

    Hate SWAT.

    Work to make everybody love you.

    Paint your office in pastel colors.

    Think Feng Shui.

    Subscribe to Psychology Today.

    Learn to play miniature golf.

    School Resource Officers

    Starbucks before work, show up on campus at 0800 hrs

    Knows every coffee pot location on campus

    Sits behind his desk pretending to work, but really surfing the net

    Really hates kids but loves the hours

    Only talks to the really hot teachers

    Only works at night when there is a football game

    Drives a golf cart all day on campus

    Traffic units

    Write tickets to EVERYBODY.

    Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing boots.

    Annoy everyone on the radio calling out your T-stops.

    Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day.

    Ride by a building with big windows to see your reflection.

    Golf is lame, motor rodeos are cool.

    Administrative Units (In most cases, don't leave them alone with your teenage daughter)

    Three-hour lunches everyday, tell everybody it's a 'meeting'.

    Always carry a manilla folder with you, so it looks like you are working, even if it is empty.

    Upgrade department cell phone every month.

    Tell everybody you have been published in a national law enforcement magazine.

    Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.

    Golf Rules! Play lots of golf, especially with the 'higher ups.'

    Patrol Units (See anyone with more that 5 years on).

    Have nerves of steel.

    In a terminal state of heartburn from department politics.

    Inability to keep mouth shut.

    Has defining tastes in alcohol.

    Is respected by peers.

    Beats the crap out of his caddy on any bogeyed shot .


    Come in at 0800

    'Breakfast' from 0815 to 1030

    Work from 1030 to Noon

    Work out and Lunch to 1400

    1400-1700 Sit in CID and talk about how many girlfriends you have and how

    the wife doesn't know. Plan your next RV, fishing, motorcycle trip.

    Patrol Sergeant

    Remembers very well 'how we used to do it.'

    Always willing to tell his officers the above.

    Tries to fit the word 'liability' in to every sentence.

    Talks about 'what he's hearing from upstairs.'


    Unable to grow facial hair.

    Watches every episode of Cops.

    Worships the ground the SWAT guys walk on.

    Wears black leather gloves at all times.

    Arrives for work three hours early and hates to go home at the end of shift.

    Really believes the sergeant is thrilled to see him.

    Won't drink on the golf course because it violates the open container



    Is generally annoyed by ANY type of radio traffic

    Has no problem putting 911 callers on hold because their complaint is 'stupid'

    Can make coffee in their sleep (Exception: male dispatchers, because making coffee is 'womens' work')

    Refuses to follow direct orders from superiors simply because the brass cannot afford to actually fire them

    Mouth waters in anticipation at the possiblity of a traffic pursuit, foot pursuit or structure fire.

    Thinks fire fighters are stupid.

    Thinks paramedics are cocky and need to be knocked down a notch.

    Refers to the Chief, Captain and Lieutenant as 'Retards'

    Refers to trainees as 'Kissasses'

    Can go 12 hours without having to pee.

    Actually ENJOYS eating their meals cold.

    "Be safe all and remember to keep your sense of humor alive!" =)
    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

  • #2
    AHahhaha that was good stuff. I enjoyed reading all of those


    • #3
      There is one caption missing from the Dispatcher group......"While working for ValleyCom prefers the green chair but must sit in the purple chair...."

      Be safe,
      Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence. ~Author Unknown


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