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World History 101 (More Political Humor)


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  • World History 101 (More Political Humor)

    For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is a condensed

    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/
    gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
    would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The
    two most important events in all of history were:

    1. The invention of beer, and
    2. The invention of the wheel.

    The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.

    These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together
    were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct

    1. Liberals
    2. Conservatives

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
    of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
    yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to
    be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
    were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
    while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
    as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
    off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
    sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
    Liberal movement.
    Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women.

    The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal
    achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group
    therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the
    actor, and the
    concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and
    beer that Conservatives provided.

    Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
    powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
    the jackass.

    Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
    white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
    beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
    Another interesting evolutionary side note: most Liberal women have
    higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
    injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
    and group
    therapists are Liberals.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
    for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
    firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police
    officers, corporate executives, athletes, pilots, Marines, and generally
    anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire
    other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
    and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
    are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals
    remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to
    . They
    crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
    to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
    Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before
    forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of
    the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately
    to other true believers, and to more Liberals.
    "A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard, or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his or her life, wrote a blank check made payable to The 'United States of America', for an amount of 'up to and including my life.'" (Author unknown)

  • #2
    oh....so thats how it all happened.
    "Friendly Fire, isn't"


    • #3
      Hey now, I am a counselor/social worker and am very conservative. . .but I am the only one in my office. The other one was fired not to long ago.


      • #4
        Guess I shouldn't really respond to something meant to be flippant and humorous but boy does this re-enforce how sexist the conservative viewpoint is or what.

        Also sort of funny that the conservatives apparently run the corporations and the military but yet the liberals are apparently in charge?

        There's a grain of truth in every joke...funny post.
        "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.”

        — John Stuart Mill


        • #5


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