Background ?'ing family

[Supe]

I'll try to keep this a short as possible. After reading more about the background process I got to thinking...

As far as Background investigation goes, my mother passed away from cancer, I haven't told my Grandparents I'm trying to become an LEO because they flipped when my bro went into the Military (don't want to worry them 80+yrs. old), and my father is someone who I don't talk to anymore. I have 2 uncles, aunts, I could have the BI's talk to (Dad's own brother want talk to him). My wife and inlaws are also possibilities.

I don't want it to be an issue for the BI's that I don't talk with my father. To put it bluntly he's an evil person, and only one person in the entire family wants anything to do with him. My brother and I are on the same page. I could go on about this, but just to give you an idea, the last thing he said to my brother and I was, "Look, your mother can't even die right."

Needless to say, my father would probably give me a bad review because he would love to throw in one more jab, or try and twist the knife a little more. I know the BIs are good at what they do, but someone's father is usually held as a little bit more of a credible source, is it not?

If I don't put him down as a ref., are they going to ask me why? Both my brother and I were great kids, and I don't want to sound like a guy who's going to blame life's problem on his parents, because that's not me. I just don't see how this is going to sound good either way, and it's really bothering me. Should I down play this and act like it's no big deal for me? I know my brother, uncle, wife, friends I grew up with will back my up if they ask why the poor relationship. Family really is important to me, I don't want them to think it's not. What do you think?

[m_chevy]

The background form IS going to ask for your father's name, address and phone number at minimum. You gotta list it. They will probably ask for other family references. Tell your uncles and aunts about your plans and list them. As for your gradparents. They would probably be more hurt by you not sharing what's going on in your life.

The backgrounder may talk with your father and the other people on your form. If your dad's comments are completely out in left field, you might be asked about your relationship with him. That is the time to explain the situation. Don't go in telling them your dad is a POS.

[Supe]

Thanks for the advice

Thanks for the advice.

Also, I'll tell my Grandparents tonight, I'm sure you're right about them being hurt if I didn't say anything. It would be a Total Guilt Trip everyday after they found out too.

[pkagel]

Like said previously, your father is going to be on your background so plan on him being talked to. List your mother as deceased (sorry bro, I feel for ya, I lost my father in 01) and put your mother's brother, etc down for a reference from that side of the family. You'll probably have to list your uncles and aunts anyway. As far as references make it a good cross section of people you know, a neighbor, old HS buddy, co-worker, etc. Don't limit it to just your close friends and family.

[Supe]

Cross Section

thanks for the advice on the cross section. I want to be as prepared as possible for everything. As Mr. Miagi says, "Always expect the unexpected!"

Sorry to hear about your loss of a parent as well. I lost mine to Cancer (AML) last year. Holiday's tend to suck. It's tough, but we just gotta keep on, keepin on. I like to think my mom's watching me go through this to work in such an honorable profession and would be proud. It kind of gives me a little more inspiration. Also, after filling out the Academy questionare about drug background, and being able to say "no, I never have used drugs" make me appreciate how I was raised. Tough, but fair. She told me she had tried MJ once, and it gave her a headache and she's regretted it for the rest of her life. She also told me that if I ever used drugs it would be the end of me.

This is turning into group therapy or something, so I'll end it there. But, thanks again for the good advice! I'll start preparing a list of people I'll get for Background Investigation.

[pkagel]

While your at it, find a background questionaire online and fill it out. It doesn't have to necessarily be for the department your looking to hire on but it will help you get all your paperwork in order. For a lot of places you need to know everyplace your ever lived and worked since birth, etc, etc.

[BrickCop]

Man, some excellent advice- great job guys.

Like others have pointed out you will be required to list all your relatives. I agree that you should not rip into your father if questioned about his comments. Calmly explain in detail the circumstances of your estrangement. A good BI can tell the difference between a good candidate w/difficult relatives and a poor candidate w/difficult relatives.

Good luck.

[pkagel]

Dead on, on not ripping your father. Let somebody else do it. My ex-wife left me for half the atlantic fleet. I told my bkgd investigator that we got married too young and got divorced. My buddy who he interviewed ripped her a new one on the background interview. Sure it will come up when he talks to me again but what I said was the truth. I just didn't want to seem like I was holding any grudges, which I don't, we were married too young and she is ahppily married for about 7 years now with no problems.

[Supe]

calling old employers

Good ideas. I'm going to call and get exact dates for old employers, school, and speeding tickets.

Thanks

BTW, my Grandparents were surprisingly cool about me getting into LE. THEY SAID THAT IF THE BI CALLED THEM AND ASKED WHAT'S GOING ON WITH my father they would give them the 411. I explained to them the benefits were good and it's something I've wanted to do for awhile now. Man, help with insurance would be nice. Humana just raised my insurance rates to $477.00/month. We never even use it or get sick (KNOCK ON WOOD).