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Check over my cover letter?

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  • Check over my cover letter?

    Deleted 1,2,3,4
    Last edited by seth0687; 12-16-2009, 04:48 PM. Reason: Edited out "personal info"

  • #2
    I agree with Uponbase, there is a lot of unnecessary and irrelevant information. First off, remove your last name from the post. Future employers do not care for your aspirations, during your teens, etc. No need to state you wish to be a cop, use police officer instead. No need to state police officer because the reader obviously is aware of your intentions or else you would not have submitted a cover letter and resume. Unnecessary to include the employment history phrase, it is customary for a cover letter to be accompanied by a resume. The paragraph about earning money for personal expenses, unnecessary.


    Sir (Madam):

    I am interested in joining the Fort Collins Police Department as a Community Service Officer. I am aware of this opportunity's experiences and skills may be of value for future consideration as a police officer. I am currently pursuing a (an associate or a baccalaureate) degree in criminal justice at ABC Community College (no need to indicate full time working because it will be reflected on your resume)

    My previous banking experience servicing patrons has allowed me to build on my customer relations skills and attention to details. As a resident of Fort Collins, I wish to serve my community and provide my services in furtherance of Fort Collins Police Department's missions. (no need to point out mistakes since they will be brought to light during the background investigation stage of the hiring process, also does not make you an attractive applicant)

    Please do not hesitate to contact me for additional information. Thank you for your time and consideration.


    Respectfully,

    name
    telephone #
    email

    Comment


    • #3
      Deleted 1,2,3,4
      Last edited by seth0687; 12-16-2009, 04:48 PM. Reason: Edited for personal content

      Comment


      • #4
        They covered most of what I would have recommended.

        Stay away from repeating one liners you read in their mission statement or core values. It's ok to make statements that put you in line with their values but quoting their statements just makes it look like your trying to tell them what you think they want to hear.

        If you are interviewed your comments should reflect your resume and/or cover letter. Don't ramble about personal opinions and for now don't refer to your "mid teens". You are young and there is no phrase that will make you sound older. Act mature and speak with respectful confidence and you will convince them that despite your youth, you have a good head on your shoulders.
        Due to the Juvenile bickering and annoying trolling committed by members of this forum I have started an igore list. If your name is listed below I can't see you.

        CityCopDC, Fire Moose, Carbonfiberfoot, Damiansolomon

        Comment


        • #5
          Never address a law enforcement cover letter with "to whom it may concern". Go the extra mile and find out who the Chief or Director is. Plus, it won't make it look like you sent the same letter to everyone.

          Comment

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