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The Three Police Monkeys:

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  • The Three Police Monkeys:

    This is an old one. I'm doing this from memory- I hope I don't mess it up too bad:

    A guy walks into a pet store, and sees three cages, each containing a monkey dressed in a police uniform. The first cage had a $500 price tag on it, the second cage had a $1,000 price tag on it, and the third cage had a $5,000 price tag on it.

    The guy points at the first cage, and asks the proprietor about it. The proprietor tells him "This is our 'Officer" model police monkey. He knows all the state statutes, can qualify with a Glock, and writes great reports. A great value, for $500."

    Then the guy points at the second cage, and asks the proprietor about that one. The proprietor tells him "This is our 'Sergeant' model police monkey. He can supervise up to five 'Officer' model police monkeys, he's qualified as a Range Officer, and he can teach Arrest Defense Tactics. A great value, for $1,000."

    Finally, the guy points at the third cage, the one with the $5,000 price tag on it, and asks the proprietor about that one. The proprietor tells him "This is our 'Lieutenant' model police monkey." but offers no further explanation. The guy asks "So what does HE do?", to which the proprietor sheepishly replies "Well, sir...we've never actually seen him do anything."


  • #2
    In the version I'm familiar with, the third monkey is the Detective monkey who: "Well, all I've ever seen him do is throw s**t at the other two monkeys". As a detective, I use that gag quite often. Breaks the ice at work.
    I'm a little bit waayy, a little bit wooah, a little bit woosh, I'm a geezer.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Aidokea View Post
      This is an old one. I'm doing this from memory- I hope I don't mess it up too bad:

      A guy walks into a pet store, and sees three cages, each containing a monkey dressed in a police uniform. The first cage had a $500 price tag on it, the second cage had a $1,000 price tag on it, and the third cage had a $5,000 price tag on it.

      The guy points at the first cage, and asks the proprietor about it. The proprietor tells him "This is our 'Officer" model police monkey. He knows all the state statutes, can qualify with a Glock, and writes great reports. A great value, for $500."

      Then the guy points at the second cage, and asks the proprietor about that one. The proprietor tells him "This is our 'Sergeant' model police monkey. He can supervise up to five 'Officer' model police monkeys, he's qualified as a Range Officer, and he can teach Arrest Defense Tactics. A great value, for $1,000."

      Finally, the guy points at the third cage, the one with the $5,000 price tag on it, and asks the proprietor about that one. The proprietor tells him "This is our 'Lieutenant' model police monkey." but offers no further explanation. The guy asks "So what does HE do?", to which the proprietor sheepishly replies "Well, sir...we've never actually seen him do anything."
      There is a grain of truth in every joke.....
      Last edited by BTDT2; 06-26-2019, 11:38 AM.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by BTDT2 View Post

        There is a grain of truth in every joke.....
        ALMOST all of my Lieutenants are truly exceptional human beings.

        And every morning after a strong cup of coffee, I make a perfect 1/8-scale sculpture of the other one.

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