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  • Stupid Cop Jokes

    A BLONDE POLICE STOP

    A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

    In Hot Pursuit

    Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
    The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
    "Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
    The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."

    I have contacts

    A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
    The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
    The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

    A test for the best agency

    The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

    The CIA goes in.
    They place animal informants throughout the forest.
    They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
    After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

    The FBI goes in.
    After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
    The rabbit had it coming.

    The LAPD goes in.
    They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
    The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

    Give wife back

    A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
    The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

    Reduce

    A guy is going 80 on the highway when he spots a trooper behind him so he slows down to 75. As he driving he sees a sign that says “Reduce 20 miles”, so he drops down to 55. A couple miles later he sees another sign that says “Reduce 15 miles”, so he drops down to 40. He keeps on going and see another sign that says “Reduce 5 miles”, so he drops to 35. After five miles he gets stop by the trooper and gets a ticket for going too slow. He complains to the trooper saying I’m following what the sign says. The trooper laughs and points to the sign in front of him and takes off. The man gets out of the car and stares at the signs that says, Welcome to Reduce, a city of 5,000.
    Last edited by FLPD698; 05-05-2007, 01:19 AM.

  • #2
    Lol! All of them.

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