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ATTORNEY - WITNESS old joke but still makes me laugh :)


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  • ATTORNEY - WITNESS old joke but still makes me laugh :)

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    __________ __

    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    __________ ___

    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    __________ ____

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    __________ __
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
    __________ _____

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you pulling my leg?
    __________ _ ____
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
    new attorney?
    __________ _____

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    __________ _____

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    __________ ___

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
    to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    __________ ____

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
    performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

    ______ _____

    ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
    did you attend?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    __________ _____

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    __________ ____

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
    check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law.

  • #2
    Sani, what do you call a hundred lawyers at the bottom of the deep blue sea?........A damn fine start!!
    Last edited by NOLA2005; 03-30-2018, 09:36 PM.
    "No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."


    • #3
      Q Why do sharks never attack attorneys?
      A Professional courtesy.
      Train for tomorrow, for you never know what it will bring to the fight.
      In the school of Policing, there is no graduation day.

      Arguing on the internet, is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.
      Do Not Disturb sign should read, Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution.
      Even if the voices aren't real, They have some really good ideas.


      • #4
        Q: What’s the difference between a dead attorney and a dead skunk in the middle of the road?
        A: Skid marks leading toward the skunk when they tried to miss it.


        • #5
          Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

          Her: Awww... Yes!!!

          Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me


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