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Haynes Manuals: Glossary Of Terms


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  • Haynes Manuals: Glossary Of Terms

    Haynes Manual; Glossary of Terms


    For those of you who may consider some DIY work on their car, or bike, you may find this a useful companion to the Haynes manual!......

    Haynes Translation

    Rotate anticlockwise: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with
    hammer anticlockwise

    Should remove easily: Will be corroded into place ... clamp with
    adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with a hammer.

    This is a snug fit: You will skin your knuckles! ... Clamp with adjustable
    spanner then beat repeatedly with hammer.

    This is a tight fit: Not a hope in hell matey! .Clamp with adjustable
    spanner then beat repeatedly with hammer.

    Apply moderate heat: This needs something more than placing your mouth near it and huffing; but unless you have a blast furnace to heat it up until glowing red, don't bother. Use a hacksaw or clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with hammer

    Remove oil filter using an oil filter chain spanner: Stick a screwdriver through it and beat handle repeatedly with a hammer

    As described in Chapter 7: Look at the scary photos of the inside of a gearbox in Chapter 7

    Pry: Hammer a screwdriver into...

    Undo: Buy a tin of WD40 (industrial size).

    Ease: Apply superhuman strength to ...

    Retain tiny spring: A small object will fly past you and nearly take your eye out

    Press and rotate to remove bulb: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part and remaining glass shards.

    Lightly: Start off lightly and when the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual.

    Weekly checks: Disregard. (If it isn't broken don't fix it ..)

    Routine maintenance: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!

    One spanner rating: (simple) Your Mum/sister/girlfriend could do this (so how did you manage to botch it up?)

    Two spanner rating: You may think that you can do this ... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (which, as it so happens, would have been more use to you)

    Three spanner rating: (intermediate) Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days and that your AA cover includes Home Start

    Four spanner rating You really are seriously considering this aren't you?

    Five spanner rating: (expert) Don't ever carry your loved ones in it again and don't mention it to your insurance company. If not, you can
    fabricate your own special tool like this...

    Compress: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering "******" repeatedly under your breath

    Inspect: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as
    I thought, it's going to need a new one"!

    Carefully: You are about to cut yourself

    Retaining nut: Big spherical blob of rust

    Get an assistant: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you

    Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal But you swear in different

    Prise away plastic locating pegs Snap off...

    Using a suitable drift or pin-punch Not the biggest nail in your tool

    Everyday toolkit: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone

    Index: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want

    Replace old gasket with a new one: Bodge using linoleum, a sheet of plastic, or even cardboard

    Grease well before refitting Wipe some congealed washing up liquid from the dispenser nozzle and use that since it's got a similar texture and will probably get you to WalMart to buy some Castrol grease

    See illustration for details The unit illustrated is from a previous or variant model
    How would you like a long stretch inside?? and i aint talking about a prison sentence

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