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Ex-Wife Alphabet

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  • Ex-Wife Alphabet

    A is for Alimony ... the gift that keeps on giving.

    B is for Balls ... which are now ours again.

    C is for Court ... where you finally find out the meaning of a good screw.

    D is for Divorce ... the alternative to ax murder.

    E is for Equitable Distribution ... another oxymoron.

    F is for Flatulence ... finally we can let loose without being criticized for causing the flowers to wilt.

    G is for Gandhi ... someone you could actually say had lost weight without having to lie.

    H is for House ... which the bitch also got.

    I is for Inmate ... where you also get to room with Bubba when the child support is late.

    J is for Jewelry ... the former great equalizer.

    K is for Kids ... the best of everything.

    L is for Lawyer ... whose most recent vacation you just paid for.

    M is for Mother ... and Oh what a Mother F*cker!!!!!!

    N is for Not tonight, I have a headache.

    O is for Overdrawn ... what your checking account always was.

    P is for PMS ... what we say: "No, honey, you don't look like you're retaining water." ...what we mean, "No wonder there's a citywide drought."

    Q is for Quarter ... what YOU get for each dollar SHE gets.

    R is for Rehearsal Dinner ... should never have stayed for dessert.

    S is for Sex ... thank goodness she rolled in her sleep.

    T is for Throat ... the anatomic area she goes for in the settlement.

    U is for UPS ... the delivery guy you are on a first name basis with, and who spent more time at your house than you did.

    V is for Visa ... one of several cards she maxed out.

    W is for Wrong ... which you always were.

    X is for X chromosome ... I swear some women have more than two!

    Y is for Yacht ... maybe the next guy will have one.

    Z is for Zirconium ... I wonder if she ever figured out that all her diamonds were Cubic Zirconium.
    Aude Sapere

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