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Things NOT to say during sex

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  • Things NOT to say during sex

    But everybody looks funny naked!
    You woke me up for that?
    Did I mention the video camera?
    Do you smell something burning?
    (In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
    Try breathing through your nose.
    A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
    Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
    Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
    But whipped cream makes me break out.
    Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today.
    Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
    Can you please pass me the remote control?
    Do you accept Visa?
    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
    On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
    And to think -- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
    So much for mouth-to-mouth.
    (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
    Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
    (Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
    Do you get any premium movie channels?
    Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
    (Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
    Got any penicillin?
    But I just brushed my teeth...
    Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
    I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
    I want a baby!
    So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
    (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
    Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
    Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
    I think you have it on backwards.
    When is this supposed to feel good?
    Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
    You're good enough to do this for a living!
    Did I remember to take my pill?
    Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
    I wish we got the Playboy channel...
    That leak better be from the waterbed!
    I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
    But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
    Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
    If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
    No, really... I do this part better myself!
    It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
    This would be more fun with a few more people.
    You're almost as good as my ex!
    "OBSTACLES ARE THOSE FRIGHTFUL THING YOU SEE WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YOUR GOAL" HENRY FORD

  • #2
    what is really sad is more then one of those have been said in my bed room

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    • #3
      Originally posted by born_country23
      what is really sad is more then one of those have been said in my bed room
      im sorry to hear that oh hell no im not i have heard a few of them too
      "OBSTACLES ARE THOSE FRIGHTFUL THING YOU SEE WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YOUR GOAL" HENRY FORD

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      • #4
        How about" Did I ever tell you how much you look like my Mother?"
        Extremism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice. Barry Goldwater

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        • #5
          Originally posted by keith758
          How about" Did I ever tell you how much you look like my Mother?"
          ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that f*cked up
          "OBSTACLES ARE THOSE FRIGHTFUL THING YOU SEE WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YOUR GOAL" HENRY FORD

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          • #6
            C'mon, like no one has ever thought that!
            Extremism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice. Barry Goldwater

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