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Something To Offend Everyone

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  • Something To Offend Everyone

    SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE



    What is a Yankee?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    The position of the dirt bag.

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
    100 people who don't do d*ck.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    45 lbs.

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes.

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
    Who has the biggest boobs?
    The blonde, because she's 18.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the ****** on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    He walks around saying "Yo."

    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    What's the Cuban National Anthem?
    "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.

    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
    A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****..."

    Why is there no Disneyland in China?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
    "OBSTACLES ARE THOSE FRIGHTFUL THING YOU SEE WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YOUR GOAL" HENRY FORD

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