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10 ways not to start a report

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  • 10 ways not to start a report

    1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....

    2. The names in this report have been changed to protect the innocent...

    3. The mayor then made an illegal turn on Smith St. at which point I opened fire...

    4. Before I get into details, I have a few "shout-outs" for my homies in the Command staff...

    5. It was so dark and wet that you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eirie silence with such intensity that for a moment, I was sure I had lost my mind....

    6. Got call. Arrested bad guy. The End.

    7. Mye pertnar an eye wear on petrol wen we sawed a man actin suspishly...

    8. Let me just start by stressing the fact that at no time was I without my badge or my gun, and the nudity was CRITICAL to establish a certain level of trust with the prostitutes...

    9. The suspect then repeatedly assaulted me by slamming his face into my fist.

    10. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away....
    A true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.

    -GK Chesterton

  • #2
    11. Saw drunk. Arrested same.
    Caution and worry never accomplished anything.

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    • #3
      12. Once upon a time....

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      • #4
        I actually knew a guy whose report read;

        "I ran the above listed subject. He had a warrant out of Manchester. He was arrested by myself, and Manchester was notified."


        That was all. The sgt told him that he was "All for paperwork avoidance, but put a little more in it than just that."
        Ian MacMillan
        Nottingham, New Hampshire

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        • #5
          You forgot: There I was, minding my own business, not bothering a soul, when to my utter astonishment and amazement......
          Live each day as if it were your last, for one day you will most surely be right

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          • #6
            "It was a dark and stormy night......"
            Extremism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice. Barry Goldwater

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            • #7
              A rabbi, a priest and a minster walk into a bar...
              Caution and worry never accomplished anything.

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              • #8
                "Despite what anyone says to the contrary I was....."

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                • #9
                  "Now, I know this sounds far fetched but..."
                  "It is well that war is so terrible, else we would grow fond of it."

                  - Robert E. Lee

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                  • #10
                    As a result of my continuing efforts to pad my stats and bank account...
                    I do not follow blindly the orders of my superiors, but rather employ that philosophy whereby I do as they would have told me to had they known what they were talking about.

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                    • #11
                      "You will laugh so hard..."
                      "It is well that war is so terrible, else we would grow fond of it."

                      - Robert E. Lee

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                      • #12
                        busted the bad guy, put him in jail, the end
                        but ossifer im not to drive to drunk

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                        • #13
                          my partner said "watch this" and all the sudden....

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                          • #14
                            "You ain't gonna believe 'dis $hit but..."
                            I'd Rather be Judged by 12 Than Carried by Six.

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                            • #15
                              "It was a full moon..."

                              "See Partner's Report."
                              Hail hail the gang's all here, when the going gets tough I know my friends will still be there. - Drop Kick Murphys, "The Gang's all Here"

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